Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Christmas is Texas

Wow pretty much is all I could say about the blessings that have been thrown at us in this holiday season. On top of that we just really had a great day with wonderful company, and I drank in my pajamas......yeah that was randomly put out there on purpose.I had refused to get out pf my pajama pants, just because they were SOOOOOOO comfortable. Also we were gifted a bottle of wine, and had one ourselves. I haven't drank that much in quite awhile, but that day one of those bottles I claimed and thoroughly enjoyed throughout the day. Hee hee. Drunk.....far from, but feeling good.

Also can I mention we were able to play outside with the kids WITHOUT our coats! Yeah baby! Granted the summers are hot and intense, but I can handle this winter stuff without 20 gazillion feet of snow.

Also I need to throw out there our wonderfully awesome and dreadful visit with the Nygren's.......check this out! Yeah...I did that.

Friday, December 23, 2005

My Little God Man Is Growing

Our Mikah has been growing spiritually very fast the recent months. He's addicted to the Bible, always asking questions about God, and craves church on a daily basis. Well, about a week or so ago, he told his daddy and I that he finally figured out what the best gifts to give Jesus: his whole love or his whole life. Wow.....He's understanding what Christ wants. So with that being said, the next story won't be just all of a sudden. This little man asked me how he could become a christian.....a TRUE Christian. Honestly, he got the term christian from someone else, we normally don't throw that around here. Either way he was ready to give his life to Christ, and understood what that meant for himself and Jesus. He's been so excited ever since and is more concerned on how he acts when we talk him through behavior issues. Yes, and I cried.

Saturday, December 17, 2005

wow its quiet in here

Scott and Mikah went out and about, and Asa and Kiara are here at home with me. Asa, I guess needed a nap because he's now passed out on the floor. Kiara is in the hallway playing pretend like Kiara always does. I have almost all of the dishes done, worked 5 hours, and made myself a huge amount of food for lunch as I started getting extremely loopy and desperate for nourishment. On top of that read the post below. I feel as thoug I've had a full day already, and I still have got to go to church tonight. My baby Asa is sick with the tummy flu and it seems as though he got it from his big sis Kiara, who both shared with Daddy. So Mikah and I are gonna have to build ourselves a higly guarded quarentine tent to put the sicko's in ;) that way we don't get sick. Crossing my fingers cause I need to have some lovely dreaded fellowship with my girl this week and it doesn't go with my plans anyways.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

God Hungry But Not Starved

My Mikah is amazing. Yeah, of coursse I think this because he is my child, and I think all of my children are amazing. No I say this now because of how much love this guy has for God and how hungry he is for Him. He falls asleep with his bible story book in his face, he interrupts arguments between Kiara and I so he can bless us with individual prayer. He makes sure we pray EVERY night before we go to bed, because he trusts God to keep the bad dreams away. He watches a song cartoon about Jesus dying and being raised up again and gets choked up about then and even later describing it to his daddy. He reads his bible like its more important that air. I'm getting teary eyes just talking about it.

Friday, December 09, 2005

Girlness Drama

So we are pretty much past the tramatic threes in Kiara, but we're finding that this girl thrives on drama. She's a very sensitive individual and almost anything can set her off. She's also a very kind loving warm hearted person that loves to reach out to people. Kiara thrives to do everything Mikah can do, which we try to encourage with some exceptions, but she tends to freak out when she is unable to do the task.

I am absolutely amazed at how different our kids are from one another. Kiara definitely is unique in her own perfect way.

What kind of tree would you be?

So earlier today I just picked up my sketch pad and started drawing. Wasn't sure what yet, but knew I wanted to draw. I ended up starting to draw the kind of tree that would describe me through my eyes. As I started drawing the kids gathered around me and were amazed at all of the branches and the twirls they did. They pointed out how the branches were all different, and thought how cool it was that it had a hole where animals could live. I told them about my tree and how I thought it described me, and then I asked them what kind of tree would they be. This is's art, self imaging and imagining, and its also a great way for them to get used to their hands and how they work, as well as with their brains.

So......what kind of tree would yours look like? Would it be dry, fruitful, branchless or branchful? Would it all be one color or many colors?

Nice Funky Weather

It got down right cold and icy yesterday, but come Monday it'll be back up tp 60 degrees! Yeah, that just rocks! I'm not a fan of eskimo weather, so this is a really nice treat for me. Yeah the summers here are horrid, but I can handle this. Unfortunately this is considered odd for Dallas, but that is okay by me.

Friday, December 02, 2005

My baby dreads

Example my asa babe

Example photo by mikah dante miller

Example photo by mikah dante miller

Example photo by kiara jasmyn miller

Example photo by mikah dante miller

Example photo by mikah dante miller

Example photo by mikah dante miller

Example photo by mikah dante miller

Example photo by mikah dante miller

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Miller Hippie Momma

I'm home and dreaded.....fully dreaded! Pictures coming soon.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

A New Kind of Moon

So I'm getting a snack ready in the kitchen while the kids are hnging out in the living room. As I come out I glance in the living room, when something catches my wanna know? Do you really??????? Yup, you do! It was Asa's naked bum! Not only was it it naked, it was sticking up in the air shaking back and forth while his head was to the floor and one leg in the air while he hummed, "La la la loo"

He gets it from his daddy's side.

Saturday, November 26, 2005

Like Father Like Son

So everytime Scott reads at home he reads aloud. This is just a normal thing here. Well the night before last Mikah was in his room, and the main reason how I knew he stayed in bed was because he read to himself out loud, just like his daddy. How sweet is that. I must also mention a most grand accomplishment of Mikah's. He finished reading his bible story book in 2.5 days. This book has over 180 pages. That's just awesome.

Our First Thanksgiving Together

Thursday wasn't the very first time we all spent Thanksgiving together. Last year was Asa's first. No, but this year we had a lot of firsts, and it was marvelously grand!

+This is our first Thanksgiving in Texas
+Our first Thanksgiving at home with the little Miller bunch
+Our first Thanksgiving not having to be in the car for most of the day
+OOur first untraditional Thanksgiving Day meal plan (Veggie pizza & Burritos)
+Our first vegetarian Thanksgiving meal
+Our first time making homemade pizza (which was the best friggin' pizza I've ever had!)
+Our first time making Chipotle-mocked burritos at home
+Our first holiday together that actually FELT like a holiday

Yeah baby! It was that good, and even better.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

The Gift Of Forgiveness

I received a much needed to hear letter from a member of my family that should have been close in relationship, but never has been. This was the person that has been very trying and difficult to forgive, but I have chosen to do that a while ago. This was first time I've been asked by that person for forgiveness. It was a confession I've never thought I would hear and I heard it. It humbled me in the right way too. There are reasons for not expecting this from this person. A very thick and hard shell has surrounded him/her for as long as I've known him/her. I always imagined if I ever had this moment that I would just turn my back and walk away.......but when I heard this, it was completely God moving me into the promise to forgive by opening my heart. I can't see this person physically for awhile, but this pushes me to make my letter more frequent.

I so didn't see this coming today.....

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Restlessnessish stuff

Today I feel stuck......really stuck. I feel as if I can't do things, yet I dream of so much more than what we are doing now. I wish to do so much with my family, but I feel there's just not enough courage for it. I find myself a little mad about it, but then I realize I'm in a coveting mood, then my emotions flip from anger to depressed. I don't know which way to even pursue, and what's being led, and what's being dreamt. I'm sure it's all dreamt, but is it led also?????? Yeah no specifics, cause there's just too much to go through on it. I want to travel everywhere, experience everything, and grow with people. I want our family to do this together. Granted we are a mess and might be forever, but I don't want to feel stuck anymore. I want to go on "adventures" and walk totally on faith.....but when it comes to the ordeal of us doing it as a family, we all have to be willing. The ways of the world causes too much of a wall for that sometimes. I'm tired of dreaming.....I'm tired of all of the things that separate me from reality and puts me in this place I find myself today. I'm tired of this wave that just keeps coming back.


After some time on my knees with God and some heavy prayer I have found a sense of peace. Still many questions, but there's some peace to it finally. I still feel pushed towards something, but I feel I have some time to figure out what it is. It's something good and challenging........time will tell. Thanks for listening.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

The darkness is leaving

This wave of depression is starting to end. I noticed it a couple o days ago. I'm very grateful for the time of it passing. And now I kind of feel stupid for it happening, but that's just part of the cycle, and soon I'll be Confident and ready to conquer the world.....well maybe not, but I know my kids always enjoy this part, because most of my energy is spent towards them. This time I need to change it up a little. I can keep in tune with my kids, but also make time for me, little bit by little bit. Managing my time is hard, but can be done. I just need some good habits and regularity in tasks and then all shall be good. Its not over yet, but I can finally see some light.

A Chart That can change the path of mankind

Yeah........okay, maybe not mankind, but the paths and mindset of my children. We've set up a positive actions chart for Mikah and Kiara, and so far it is working brilliantly. The kids get stickers for every good deed on the poster, and then after three stickers they can trade those for a little privelage. I can't believe I haven't done this before....its been on my mind to do it, but I always assumed the kids wouldn't get into it. Well they are diggin it and I'm diggin it. I may change it though. Right now it has very specific stuff up there that we've been having problems with, but I'm thinking about doing a kind of fruits of the spirit type thing so we can have God take hold of it for us as well it will be a great way of teaching and embedding upon these kids the great ways God wants us to live, not only for ourselves but for others as well.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

My darkness

Here lately I've been in sinking mode. It comes and goes and its extremely difficult to fight off. Here letely I've been struggling with parenthood and wifehood. I suck at both of these and the realization is coming into clarity more and more. Its more struggling of how to to screw up the kids and my husband by my actions or unavailable actions. How to discipline for long term success and how to control my patience to be ever lasting. Yeah this to me seems unreal and not a plottable path. Absolutely impossible it seems, as well as never-ending.

Then I get stuck in my mode of dreams where I can escape with my family to anywhere and we can just learn how to be a family together.....and we can support our family on the road...or something. I'm tired of this struggle and tired of feeling like I've failed on so many levels. And I'm feeling depressed and very pissed off about it.

I'm ready for this wave to be done.

Sunday, October 30, 2005

A bunch of sickos

Man, oh, man. This is quite the weekend. Everyone, but me, is sick and there's snot everywhere! Well, not everywhere, but with three sick kids it can get yucky gooey. My biggest chore????? Me not getting sick. I've been popping vitamin C like candy for prevention...let's just hope it works.

So tomorrow's trick or treat night. Can't say I'm looking forward to it much. Can't afford anything and don't have time to make it either....which is okay. I'm sure we can wing it.

So anyways, I think Scott and the fam needs to travel the country for a year and visit all of the churches we are in somewhat contact with and write a book about our journey. Yeah.....that would be fun and mighty interesting.....but okay dreams over and reality says we're let's move on, shall we?

I'm thinking I'm getting close to the end of my wave of least I'm hoping. I guess we'll find out soon.

I've been officially blessed :)

So the Nygren's came up with a sneaky little plan to help me realize I can still be crafty and artsy even with my kids around. Unfortunately the boys of the house were all sick and couldn't go with us to Quiggly's Clayhouse. It was the perfect medicine for the waves that have been flooding through. It gave me a very nice break and was wonderful to see Kelly and Justin pre-baby arrival. I'm always in awe of first time parents pre-baby and once the baby arrives. I juggle three now and its definitely different. That first child you get the extra sweet one on one time. Its a very special time.

So anyways, Kiara just absolutely LOVED Christine at the clayhouse. I mean LOVED her. She same home that night all smiles. We haven't seen her that happy in a LONG time. Yeah, she's had fun, but this was definitely different. I can't wait to pick up my masterpiece. I'll put up a pic when it arrives. Thanks to the Nygren's for a wonderful time.

Now I need to load up on some serious vitamin C so these guys don't get me sick.....Here's to hoping!

Sunday, October 16, 2005

Not sure where we are, but okay with moving forward

So Doxolgy was awesome, but I must admit, the camping part of it was the best. It was very freeing. I'm looking forward to actually owning our own tent and camping stuff to do this often with the kids. I got to meet some great people and hope to maintain some kinds of contact with them.

Our home time has been kind of rough with Mikah here lately. We aren't sure how to deal with certain behaviors and its been quite disturbing. Hopefully we can break these cycles soon or at least get a clue of what to do to maintain boundaries with a consistent method.

i found a part time seasonal job at a craft store. Its not what I expected it to be, but I am very grateful and thankful. The search for something else is still on though, sicne its not enough hours to cover what our needs are. Either way its a better situation than before.

I'm sewing once again. I have a couple of projects I'm getting ready for a craft fair that I'm hoping to sell there. That'll be very encouraging if I can actually sell some of them.

Asa's pushing through three molars at once and is being quite the tough guy about it. Every now and then he gets whiny and really fussy, but not much of a difference compared to pre-teething. He's becoming so aware of almost everything now.

Kiara's learning in a whole new way I never thought possible, but hey its the way she learns. She's learning how to write, spell, and read as she's learning how to recognize her ABC's . It's taking time and patience, but she's very willing to learn most of the time, so why not! I'm very curious as to how long it'll take her to learn how to read. She's already writing her name better and better each time and I can finally make out exactly what letters she's writing! Very neat stuff.

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Yeah Baby

So here we come Houston...I hope your ready to meet Scotty, Asa and myself this weekend, because there's been just enough open doors for our journey! We're heading to check this out, join the party and see old and meet new friends. The older two are staying with friends and we will be camping out in our car.....yeah baby. Funds were actually extremely limited for this, but I found some Miller-unused ebayable items, and made just enough for the trip. Am I excited???? DARN RIGHT I AM! The last time it was just us three, we were apartment/vacationing down here in March-ish time. ROAD TRIP!

Sunday, October 02, 2005

The Silent Nodds have Begun

So I have one of these things that I enjoy with people....especially my children and family. You can imagine it at and everyone in the room are sitting close enough to read each other's faces. You are eith er enjoying a meal/snack, or just chilling out doing something you enjoy quietly. You glance at one another.....then here it comes... a smile and a nodd. No words needed to describe this kind of moment, its already understood. And the silence is okay, because you are comfortable and content enough with each other.

Well tonight I baked chocolate chip cookies without the chocolate chips.....and it happened for the first time with Asa, Kiara and myself. I have had these moments with Kiara before, but this the first with Asa. It was beautiful.

Friday, September 30, 2005

Still Praying......still playing

I went to a job interview today which I was an hour late for......but was still I think, a good interview. I feel it went very well. no answers yet, but hopefully very soon those will come.

Struggling like crazy to stay at my current job during this search for a new one...very difficult mentally to be there around certain people. I think I stay because God has kept that door open during a recent time....and I guess I stay because we rely on that check. What's funny is that when I write that, I feel God saying I don't need to rely on that....I need to rely on Him. I need to recognize that He's the one who provides...not my boss or my job. But I'm not clear on the question of staying on until I find another, or just leaving now to free up more time to find another...... I'm hoping to find this out with a conversation and prayer tonight. I hate feeling pulled in both directions like this....I trust, but is it enough trust? I hear but do I hear it clearly?

I've been playing with the kids more. This is good time and great fun and I wish I had more of it. Homeschooling has been good, with of course some off days, but still good times. I can't even imagine how it would be if we put them in public schools. Granted people do it and their kids come out fine, but this is how the Miller's need to do it right now. Its just good for us. I've struggled with it and probably will at times in the future, but that's natural. And its jusst not easy stuff to do. Its a lot of sacrifice......especially at first, but anymore its not sacrificial to us in how we feel about it. Being able to say this truthfully encourages me for the future.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Reality On Check

A change in coming......scared shitless, but excited. Not sure yet what kind of change, but I really feel God throwing me into it. This I am thankful for,just because I've been lazy in my spiritual walk, and I'm thinking He's finally gotten fed up with me, so here we go. I'm pretty sure this will get interesting. I'll try to elaborate more when I find the right words.

So What Exactly Are You Trying To Say????

So I went to the library yesterday with Mikah and Kiara. If you don't know already, Mikah reads better than me right now, hee hee, well pretty dang close anyways. We were in the self help section for me and the kids wanted to follow me. Mikah picked up the copy of "Parenting for Dummies" book and handed it to me and told me Scott and I needed this! Very blunt kid. I would want to say this hits pretty close to home, but....DUH! So to end this story.......I borrowed the book.

Sunday, September 25, 2005

Hello! Coffee......Wake me up already!

I'm on my fourth cup of coffee, and I'm still really stupidly tired. Its the one night I can stay up past nine without worrying about being functional the next day, and I can't even enjoy it because I'm tired and edgy due to my tiredness. Its one of those nights where the more I try to enjoy the kids the more they drive me nuts. All buttons pushed....all lines crossed.... or at least so it seems. Chances are that I'll go lay down and won't be able to sleep but still feel really exhausted. I guess I'm just tired of being tired with being tired. Oh well.....that's enough whining.

So I actually put on the antenna on the tv so I could watch extreme makeover. I haven't done that since we first moved here. I had forgotten we had it until I set up mikah's computer the other day. I'm glad though. tv sucks. i like commercials.

So here lately I've been stuck on the parable of the talents. I read it over and over and over and over.....I'm drawn to it. I've been trying to be prayerful about it, but can't filter through my own thoughts from what God might be guiding/telling me with it.
Maybe its nothing...probably. But keeps coming up in my mind. If I were to listen to my own thoughts, then I would start making plans on how to make money by working for myself.....which believe me...I've got plenty of ideas...plenty. But then I question whether or not my family would be ready/okay with that kind of thing. Too many questions/theories/daydreams. Then the ordeal of desires/selfishness come into play once more. That battle always sucks.....and unfortunately never ends.

Either way, the truth is that I'm still drawn to the parable....and I feel something is to be personally learned from it...even if its a seconds worth of knowledge. Another thought process I've been digginf through just here most recently is the obedience we are to have to/with/for God. There's so much in the Old Testament that is mostly to remain in those times right? Well, its really hard to figure out God's brain. Yeah I'm people have written books on this, but its hard to accept someone else's opinion as my own, and its one of those things where I would rather have a discussion that a mindful of papercuts. On this journey I'll plan to pick in the word and attempt to study as much as the life around me will allow. There's also the question of Sabbath.....but that's a whole other lifetime to figure out ;)

Thanks for listening.

Friday, September 23, 2005

Chasing Thoughts

So I've been on edge here lately. Some of the reason is natural, but I'm starting to wonder about the other reason. I feel restless. I want to be creative with a lot of different things and even have a lot of materials to do such, but the time plus energy just seems to not be around. I'm also on a search for new things. A change. What kind of change? Maybe in my job area......who knows. I've been actually chasing that change for awhile now, but haven't been successful obviously. I feel tired and worn and normally when I feel that draining, I get easily depressed. I'm starting to notice a lot of patterns about myself this year.....especially these past couple of months. I have seasons of mood changes and passions, and desires, and undesires. Seasons of selfishness too. I'm starting to wonder if this is a season of selfishness. Like about my want to do my creative outlet projects.....all I hear in my mind is how that would be fun for ME. My job situation and how that would be better for ME. But then I turn around and think that its not selfish because I need to take care of me as well as my family. Blah blah blah freakin blah. I want i want i want.......I wish I could just get a straight answer from God about this crap.

"Hey God, should I even try to find a different job?"

"No, Heather, you need to stay where you are. I have a plan." or

"Well, yeah! I've been waiting for you to get the hint!"

"Hey God, should I even try to do my creative projects?"

"Of course you should! It brings you peace of mind!" or

"Now isn't the time to be messing with that. Now is the time to enjoy your family"

Yup........still no clue.

Monday, September 19, 2005


Today is one of those days where I find myself both grateful, yet done with the events of the day. I've been in a migrainal hole since yesterday and worked through a nauseatingly cruddy and busy day at work, but right before Scotty went to work a wonderful hero of mine came in and swept my older two kids away for a night of very much needed R&R. It was crash time for my body, and it wasn't pretty. I woke up feeling better, not back to normal. Still on the hungover effect of the migrainal illusion, but better.

Below are some pictures of the kids and their tents. Yes I realize in one Mikah is totally digging away.....this is a part of reality at times with kids. I found it hilarious!

Paul the tent maker ;)



Here's The Do!



Friday, September 16, 2005

Movie Night and Family Life

Tonight has been peculiar compared to many since we've been here in Dallas. We actually rented a movie tonight. Well, me and the kids. Unfortunately Scott had to work. Mikah and Kiara made a bed out of the floor in their room out of every pillow we own and some bed sheets. It was mighty comfy for my bruised bum ;) . We watched Lemony Snickett's Series of Unfortunate Events. Interesting flick. I enjoyed it. I'm pretty sure the kids did too. After we picked out a movie, I stopped by my work to grab some pumpkin bagels and cream cheese....can you say "YUMMY!" Yeah VERY. This food is sooooooooo friggin good it should be against the law. But thankfully its not and I can indulge tonite :)

So there we were just sitting on the cushy floor watching the movie.....just the four of us chilling out. It was nice and very much needed. Asa was the best baby, I barely had to get up after him.

So I work again tomorrow, and the next day and then I have a day off. My one day off this schedule. I'm actually considering going to bed very soon. It's now 7:49 PM. Damn I'm feeling old. But the show must go on! At least until a better show comes around. I will actually be going to work an hour earlier this next least that's my understanding. That hour is going to be an adjustment. But hopefully that means I'll be getting home earlier. That would be nice and worth it! Either way I'm just glad work is going smoother than before.

Homeschooling is going okay the past two days. Its been a struggle with Mikah off and on, but we have been getting some info to stick. Plus Kiara now know how to spell her first and last name and knows without help how to write her first name! Yeah baby! She's working hard on writing Miller. She's been struggling to memorize how her letters look like just by flash cards and books. I've found out she's a total hands on girl. She's like songs, and games and coloring. So I guess we can work with that for now. No pushing or worrying, but it is great to know if we are still homeschooling when she's ready. And if she's willing now to work here and there, great!

Well, the bed is really calling me. I think we'll end a great night with a good story and prayer time with the kids. I love hearing them pray, especially Kiara. They both are so creative and honest to God at this age. How much I can learn about God with these lil babes......countless.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Oh How I Feel Sucky

Yeah, today I feel sucky. Got my hair cut, took the kids to the park and ran my bum off doing errands. The park thing was fun, but it seemed like my body's energy level afterwards just went downhill. Get to work tomorrow, not looking forward to that, but life happens.

On a good note, Prayer night is here tomorrow night. I am looking forward to not having to rush the kids out and then struggle to get them home. It may only be a few people, or something, but hey it works.

My bum hurts......I fell so hard on my ass earlier it totally knocked the wind out of me, and I couldn't move for about ten minutes without my hip killing me to pieces. Luckily my hip changed its mind about being a pain, and allowed me to get up with little help from big man Mikah who saw the whole thing and freaked out a little.

The kids' tent making skills are awesome. We need to get some kids over here to play with these guys in their tents.....they rock!

Asa's starting to answer us with head nods and showing understanding of many things said. He knows what shoes are and where they go. He knows what all of our names are, and he's saying in a mumbling way: NO . You know the word you wish the kids would learn last, but almost always learn first because of the repeated number of times they have heard it towards them. It was inevitable...shall we move on?

For some odd reason this past hour I've felt really selfish and yet unimportant. Not sure how else to explain it, but of how I said it. Bummer...... yeah I guess that was really out of the blue, but anyone whose ever heard my conversations can probably tell how scattered my thoughts are.

Monday, September 12, 2005

Limbo This

Its dreads are gone and I shaved my head!

Okay, so I didn't shave my head, but I did cut my hair, and I will have it done correctly tomorrow. It only took me about an hour to brush out my dreads, which is about how long it takes just to put in one dread....maybe one and a half if your lucky. Relieve and annoyed by it all, but mostly relieved. I didn't have to cut my hair really short....not short really at all. It is shorter though, but I suppose I shouldn't talk much about that until tomorrow after the pro cut.

It is my day off today, and I've got a stinking cold. Yuck. Plus I've got a mountain feeling cold sore in my mouth in a very annoying place. Everytime I talk my teeth rub it like crazy. But other than that crud today has been great. The kids had a friend over today and they all played well. We even got some school work done! After their friend left, we made a 'hideout' for the kids out of what use to be our dining room table set and bedsheets. It was fabulous! All three kids played together with that thing for over two hours! AND THEY PLAYED TOGETHER WELL! They've been so wonderful lately and truely a ginormous blessing shining through. It'll be hard going back to work if they keep this up! I have tomorrow off....two days in a row again! that rocks! That happened last week! Very cool.

Well I best close for now. I've got a date with vapo rub and the comfy place I call bed. Pictures of my new do soon!

Saturday, September 10, 2005

I'm needing backyard sanctuary

So many things trampling around in my thoughts, but just wish to mention a few today. First is that I'm tired of being in limbo with my hair. While my sis was here she started to put dreads back in my hair, but was unable to finish befre she left. Scott and Angela have put a few in since, but its been almost two months. Oh well, it'll get done......eventually. Its only aggravating because everytime I brush my undreaded hair it takes me a LONG LONG time, and time I just don't have.

I've been praying patience into my time with the family, work, and just my life in general. I use to have a lot of patience in the past, but this issue runs like a freaky roller coaster sometimes. I have my up and downs like everyone else, but then all of a sudden I find myself on top of a ginormous hill, screaming my head off to tears. But during these extremely crazy times, I somehow can't find it inside myself to pray about this unselfishly. So what do I do? Well since we've been in community down here, I've been having them pray about it. Yes I pray about it too, but when I do I find myself more aggravated about feeling how I feel and being how I am. Soon after they pray for my family and me, I feel a bit better, and then a couple of days go by and then I'm fine to pray for myself. Of course I still request prayer, but not so desperately. Anyways, I've just stepped off that stupid roller coaster right now, and pray that God will help stay off, so I can enjoy my family better and they me.

Also my stage diving one year old needs a crash a whole body bubble of protection. He's been climbing onto the couch and jumping off of it, with no fear! This guy needs to figure out soon that he does NOT have wings or insurance until October! yikes! Hee hee, but he's been great. He's running everywhere, and starting to become his own little kid within a baby's body. Pretty awesome watching the process of human growth and development.

Thursday, August 18, 2005

To boob or not to boob.....

This is my boy just a couple of months ago:


This is him very recently:


Right this very a highchair not far away......the young Asa Miller is eating a quesadilla. He's getting so big, its hard to believe. He's actually been biting me during feedings, which sucks big time, but he realizes that he should stop once I pull away and put him on the floor. Its very confusing as to how I should handle the biting though. I've actually comtemplated totally giving breastfeeding up for this reason alone, but if that's my only reason, then that's just stupid. Luckily enough my body is still in one piece and nothing has fallen off.....yes I know...this is very good. But hopefully he will stop biting soon, so I won't be encouraged to stop nursing.

I watch him eat big kid food, and remember when the other two were at this age. They seemed so much messier, for some odd reason. I'm really digging into Super Baby Food, to get some ideas. He doesn't eat much solid food, but I want to start giving him more because he likes it so much.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

a good evening

i got some errands ran today and made a ton of calls. i even took all the kids grocery shopping....not that i had much a choice, but it went great! the kids were so well behaved today, it was amazing. this hasn't been happening often, unfortunately, but we have been seeing little tidbits of progress, and i can settle for baby steps. tonight h
as really made me miss being a housewife/fulltime mommy. (sigh) but its also good for me to work also. my job has been yucky lately but hopefully i can remedy that soon. i got to talk with my neighbor for quite the while and had a comforting conversation. i really enjoy talking with her and hope that the next gap isn't near as long as this one was. kids helped me put away the ton of groceries so they could play outside. that was cool o them.well best go, typing one handed and asa's getting sleepy. for birthday pictures go to scotty's blog.

Monday, August 08, 2005

You mean I Still Have a BLOG????

Ha haha, just kidding. I've actually had almost whole posts typed up and then life happens to where I have to abandon it on a moments notice to settle some childhood drama.

So the family of mine is gone, I'm sad to say. I will and am already missing them. It may be another year or so before the four of us can get together like that again. People are moving around far away from each other and it makes these gatherings much harder than before. I got to see my cousin and met her wonderful children. I haven't seen her in ten years. I just pray that is less than a decade before our next encounter.

I'm sure my other cousin's wedding was beautiful, despite the raging hot and sweaty weather, (outside wedding). We had attempted everything in our best efforts to attend this event, though it helps when you have proper directions. Lessons learned, shall we move on?

We had a constant of 9 people sleeping in our tiny apartment all together, and at most 13 were in here. Cozy, yes, and manageable. Stressful and crazy to Scott? You better believe it! But he survived, and also two hours after my family left, we had a wonderful visit from his friend from Indianapolis. He left Sunday. It was sad to see him go as well. So now we have an empty house once again, but only for a short matter of time, then we have a visit from Scott's parents.

As for right now, I'm tired. And it has nothing to do with the recent visits. The kids have been at their worst and it sprung on us out of no where, and its very frustrating. On top of that there are issues at my job that are getting terribly aggravating, and I'm not sure how to handle everything in the best way. So what did I do today on my one day off? I slept, slept, and slept. I attempted to clean, and then slept some more. How to better our situation? How to learn to become more patient parents. How to either enjoy as much as I can out of my job, even at its worst. Well, here goes so more drama.....see ya.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Its about friggin' time!

Okay, so I can awake from my unspoken blog fast.....why did I fast???? Well, if you haven't noticed my last post was the day before the new Harry Potter book came out. I have refused to read anything on Harry potter in news, and such rumors and yadda yadda, becausse I can't bear to hear anything sucks the life out of books when this is done....yes, you know who you are who do this, and might I just add that you suck for it! ;)

Anyways I've just finished it...literally JUST. Its was good...very there's my input.

Also, more to go along with my title....Asa's walking all over the place! Its rocks! He's so much more talkative and mobile, and his character is just all over the place....

Also, at this very moment my family is on their way here to visit us. Its been quite the while since we've seen them, and it'll be very good to. My mom, sister,nephew and aunt are coming in tonite and tomorrow my brother is flying in....AND we are all fitting inside our 850 squarefoot apartment....2 bedroom/2 bath, so it'll get mighty interesting, and I suspect Scott will need to run away at least once a day to prevent prolonged damage.

It'll be good times. We have a wedding in the family, and it is also drawing in my cousin and her kids in from Arizona. I haven't seen mer in ten years, and never have met her children. It'll be a grand reunion, for my aunt, is her mother who hasn't met her latest grandson either.......can't wait!

Friday, July 15, 2005

Not too sure whether to start walking or running

So Asa has finally been taking steps without holding onto anything! Yeah baby! He's been getting more and more comfortable with standing by himself, and is starting to perfect it as much as he can. He gets all gitty and grins like a monkey and then his legs push him over to try to catch up with the rest of his body's excitement about standing. Too funny. I love being able to watch these beginning stages of life. Everything's so new and exciting..... every little thing is interesting.
What amazes me is that kids always know how to enjoy life. Scott and I are too uptight for these kids. I think its about time we loosen up and go a lil nuts with our kids.... like we did when they were was fun and free-ing.

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Oh How I suck

Today didn't go by very well. It began with everyone aggitated and just not wanting to cooperate with one another. It carried like that for all morning. Then I needed to escape, and when I came back, all was well. But then the evening came with a very loud bang. I feel like the suckiest parent tonight and I'm not so sure how to deal with it, let alone be okay with myself. My damn temper and edginess took over and I lost the image projection of the mother I want to be. What do I do? Right now I just want to cry. I'm so upset that I allow myself to get upset over certain things, yet its so damn hard to just work out a neverending problem with a three year old that thinks she can get away with yelling and kicking at you, without getting upset and frustrated. Its times like these when I wonder how God doesn't smack the living daylights out of us for just treating Him like crud. (sigh) It'll be good to go to bed and restart my family tomorrow.

Sunday, July 10, 2005

Aggravation, Breasts, and Trials

I'm kind of aggravated right now. About what???? Working on the knowledge of that as we speak. (sigh) it feels better just to get it out.

I've actually have had a great day. A good day at work and I got some things done at home as well.... a fulfilling day. Plus once I put the kids to bed I'm hoping to finish my newest creation . Or at least work on its finale.

Okay..... so I'm still nursing Asa, and he will be 11 months here soon....three days to be exact. Its become just a normality anymore, but here recently he has been cracking me and Scott up! When he gets his fill and is close to being done eating, he's been licking me! And While he eats he makes these 'slurping soup' sounds! Hilarious. He's a very sloppy eater, but definitely a good eater. HE's primarely on breast milk but occasionally he eats bread and drinks water. I'm sooooooooo glad I toughed it out. It has given him and us so much, let alone saved us so much money and fuss about bottles and formula. I've done that with the other two kids, it can be done and isn't too bad, but its just easier and more convenient not worrying about if we have his food or a container for him to eat out of. I must confess though that I am a little anxious for my breasts to retreive back their identity other than the food tubes. ;) But I can be patient.

So I've been through so trials here and there inside, but I think I'm finally seeing some kind of light. I was offered a promotion at work. This is secretly what I've been working towards, but was content if it never happened. Well, of course when offered I was thrilled and had no doubt if I would take it or not.... I was going to take it. Well this week I've been apathetic and just absolutely exhausted. I haven't been doing very well at work either. On top of that my boss is getting comfortable with me and is starting to show her true colors on how she treats her employees. Not very nice... and unfortunately she has lost a lot of my respect. Also to accept this new position I would have to sacrifice a lot of energy and create some additional everlasting chaos to the homestead. Not okay dokey in my eyes. At first I thought it was worth it, but I was only maintaining a focus on the money and the title. But That's not what we are about, and we don't need the money, God is taking care of us, and is providing just fine finacially. So no, I will not be taking the promotion, and truelly am at an exciting peace about that.

Jobwise, I really wish I could do something creative, or at least feed that side of me. Something I throroughly enjoy. Is this a pipe dream? Maybe, but we'll see what God has in store. I just hope that I will be content anywhere.

Well as we speak I am jamming to Green Day's new album, and Asa has just found the off button to the computer speaker, hence has also notice what is does, so he is now contually turning it on and off.....the booger/genius! See ya!

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

What's up

Bathed the kidlings, got some fabric, and need to clean......hmmm, yeah not enough energy to carry the rest of the day, but a girl must do what a girl's gotta do. I think I'll just compromise a couple of things, so I can get a lil of everything done. I know if I sacrifice one for the other, the other won't get done.....that's just how it always works.

I'm in a state where I just want to hide away for a week from the outside world. (sigh) but I know this could only start habits and hermit crab-ness desires. I feel like everything is always on full speed and if we just take a day to chill it all piles up like a wave and spills all over us. But we need and also desire to be a part of people's lives and build relationships....... this takes sucking it all up and filing the kids in the car seats to head over somewhere to have can be very exhausting just to put the kids in the car let alone doing it four times in five hours. ...... I'm not complaining I'm just venting out some stale air... get it out and release it, so I can have room for fresh sweet air to filter in.

I think Satan's been having a hayday with my exhaustion and trying to play with my thoughts on some things. Its really urking me in a variety of ways. Prayer rocks.

Sunday, July 03, 2005

Oh Selfish Days

Man, today I've been really wanting to dis into sewing, but it doesn't fit with the kids. They've really needed some play time with us, so yesterday and today I gave to them. We had a craft time, and made some fake stained glass non-sticker window thingies. Okay, yeah, sure, that makes sense. Either way we got to paint together at the table in a cool silence. Everyone was content and everyone was happy....even Asazilla. Rock on. It was good times and I don't regret giving up my desires for the kids every now and then.

I'm really getting into Kristin Hersh. Her stuff just rocks. I intimately enjoy her voice. Its rough but so feminine. I just friggin love it.

Well it's 9:16 PM and I'm worn out. I need to wake up tomorrow early, so I guess I must play old lady and head for bed. Wow its really 9pm and I'm beat and its been like this for the past week. Now I really feel old.

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

my sons and my daughter

OKay all you scholars out there, take a bite out of this! My son just turned six years old, and has already wrote 4 books, and is working on his fifth one AS I SPEAK! Yeah baby, that's what I'm talking about. And you thought you had competition before! Hah! Hee hee hee.

We had Judah over to play today. It's so fun having other kids over, the kids like it a lot too. We made a tent out of the futon and they all just had a hayday. It was their house, and the girls took over. They kept loving and hugging on each other. SO CUTE! When Judah left today Kiara just was kind of pouty.

Poor Asa fell asleep in the high chair, and woke with an indention in his forehead. The neighbor ladies thought it was a booboo. He by the way has been standing up without holding on to stuff a lot lately. He also just popped through 6 teeth in a lil over a week! Tough guy. Tougher than I have that's for sure. He didn't really fuss at all about it. Just acted like normal crazy and silly Asa.

Kiara was sitting down with Judah today, counting with her forewards and backwards. She was soooo happy when Judah started to repeat her! My lil teacher. Hopefully she'll let me start teaching her soon. She's kind of got me wondering about how we are going to homeschool. She learns so differently now than Mikah did at her age. That's okay though, we can work with it.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

pictures of my sewing creations

The shirt I just made a couple of days ago. Its off the should and has elastic to hold it up. Its actually very comfortable, but the front bows out a little more than I like, and to fix it would ruin it, so I can deal with it and learn from it at the same time as enjoying it! The skirt I'm wearing with it it the first skirt I ever made. I love the colors and they are snapped at the waist, but have tendencies to become undone a little too easily, so that will be fixed soon.

Example photo by mikah dante miller

Here's a different view of the shirt:


These two pieces were fun to make. The shirt I like but isn't my favorite. I don't think it fits me right. I might play around with it or just give it away...not sure yet. The skirt I love, it's very comfortable. All I have to do is secure the seams and make a slit at the bottom for easier walking. They both work on a draw string to adjust to size. I'm hoping that the majority of my clothes will be like this, so when I lose more weight, I can still wear them least that's the plan.

photo by mikah dante miller

Here's my newest wrap-ish hippie pants. I need to fix the back of them to fit best, but they rock! They are so very comfortable! And the earth toned color goes with almost everything. I want to add pockets or something to it...not sure.

photo by mikah dante miller

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

How God Rocks My World

You know, I still sit here, and say, "We're in freakin' Dallas!" Yes, it's really hot down here, and yes its far away from my family.......BUT God has been shining every chance He gets the assurance that this is where we need to be. Okay...let me step back for a job for instance. He's blessed me with loads and loads of free bagels. In the beginning it was a main source of food for our family until jobs and money came through regularly. Now its still a source of food, but just a snack and/or breakfast food. Also I've been bringing bagels to my neighbors just to get to know them. For some odd reason me gifting to someone helps me feel more comfortable to just knock on some stranger's helps break the ice a little bit too. So far I've met and had conversations with a little less than half of my neighbors this way. And the kids are now expecting that everytime we get bagels, we go out in the complex and share them!

Another thing is that I think through this whole duration, my worry crazy side only popped out a few times that I can remember....especially in the rougher areas like the initial move down here, and after we were already here, just waiting for money to come in. Granted I was freakin while looking for a job, but it was more about what I was going to find, more about my self esteem issues and I will be the first to sucky faith.

Also I'm getting to know the people at work more and more. Relationships are building there, and struggles may occur often, but God has definitely been a reminder that He is there too, in those relationships.

This is the kicker....we might even be able to fix our car soon! Wow, to have a car that doesn't die on me every sweet that would be! We're still in limbo about that, but it is definitely possible.

Scott and I had a real DATE! Huh???? What????? Huh???? Yeah, I know! We haven't been on a date since March when we came down to visit-slash-apartment hunt. A couple down here was willing to watch the rugrats for us to do this. It was a very good time.

I've been sewing my guts out.....I've got a couple of new shirts, and a bunch of new material to make more stuff out of. I've been forced to promise to actually spend my birthday cash on myself other than my family....this is a hard concept and task for me, but once I was in the fabric store....not so much of a task, but then self conrol had to kick into full gear! I'm finally getting my creativity out and its been very fulfuilling! I've also learned how to sesw around the kids...quite a task, but very nice!

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Creative outlets delay

My mind sucks at retaining info, thoughts, and ideas. And I really never fretted about it before, but man.....will there ever be a time when my memory works for me as opposed to against me. I've been really craving to write poetry and songs, but by the time I get a chance (like now) to do it, it all disappears into an obliviated nothingness. (groan,kick,sigh) This year I've been really struggling with my creative needs to come out more, but I don't want to become selfish with my time either. I do know I need that time once in awhile to do my things in a closed room or with friends, and here lately I've gifted about an hour or two every week or two. And that within itself is a very big improvement. I need to be patient I guess. Dang it God! It always comes down to PATIENCE! ( this is where I'm laughing) Heh heh heh, I can deal with that.

One the same note I have been able to create a skirt and apron top. I like them a lot, and think I've broken ground by making them,(for those who don't know I'm on the path of learning how to sew) . I really hope to do some dyeing (sp?) and batiking next...or at least some dyeing. We'll see, this is a project I want to share with can be messy, it will be fun and a way for us all to share our creative sides together. Maybe next month would be the best bet for something like that. Any takers?

Sunday, June 12, 2005

Happy Birthday Mikah D!


Six years ago, in a land far away, a son was born to us. We granted the name Mikah to him. To learn to know him, and to enjoy every second of being his parents, we welcomed sobriety. Us the parents knew we needed to become friends so we could raise this beautiful baby boy together. From that friendship grew an everlasting love, and a couple years later we were married. How the world stopped when he was born! It was flipped every which way because of this one birth. The phenominal changes that were brought upon us, and would guide me to God, just because of him.

Happy Birthday Mikah. Your mommy and daddy love you so much, and we are so thrilled to have you in our lives! We are honored to be your parents. You helped us become better us as a gift from God.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Its Finally Quiet.......RENEWED

So this is what I was very close to posting last night:

"Not sure how long the silence will last, so I better throw some thoughts out there while I can. Here lately I've been feeling really pushed by God to find a place that'll suit a group of us....exactly who and why and especially where and when are still unknown, but it 'feels' like soon to me. Now? Probably not a smart time for us financially, but the willingness is there. I'm mad at myself for letting my emotions get carried off about certain places we've found, because the timing just isn't right. Or is it??? That's the main ass kicker right there for me.... whose timing is this decided on? Also how can that be decided???"

I believe my questions have been answered. Its not the time right now, and I've come to a good peace about it. I also have decided not to look for any places at the moment either, because of the fear of finding a better place than last time....and then getting smacked down with the time and financial struggle. And truelly that is okay. We need time to our own place for a little bit as well as this time to save our change.

On another note, I'm in a really good friggin mood. We had a group of people in our house yesterday and today, and it has been wonderful! Granted the dishes need some tending but it was really good to have everyone in my space. We had all together 7 kids and depending on time, 4-5 adults. It was fun. We even were blessed with a sleep over with one of the kids, which happens to be Mikah's really good friend.

Sunday, May 29, 2005


I've been neglecting my blog, on purpose. Why??? Because sometimes life happens soooo much, but in in this case its been a good thing. We've been out making friends and having fun, and even in our most humbling state, we've felt truely blessed. This post is going to be a mixed up slide show......and the pictures are mostly for my bro SHANE! Hee heee heee, these are for you bro, so you better comment! ha ha!

Thursday, May 19, 2005

More of Reality

Last night at prayer and healing rooms, I came to another realization that we are in the right place. Here lately I've been struggling with some hard issues dealing with family almost a thousand miles away and more, and on top of that my mind and heart feels drained. A lot of thoughts going through I normally would have just held it in and tried to deal with on my own, but last night it was like God pushed me so far to the edge that I had to be honest with the negativity inside. In that I'm not saying He put these thoughts there....oh defintely not, but He fought with me until I opened up to the group. After prayers and an annointing, it was absolutely amazing how much of the weight and stress was alleviated. I breathe easier today. Thanks.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005


Ahh, breathing......some days it feels like a choreful task.....others it feels like a vacation. Today it feels like a task. Our family has been stretched with emotions with other family members back at home. This is the first time I've felt homesick. Where I can't be there for my family and just hug them. God's also has got me in a great variety of other emotions.....excitement,happiness...hope...and I've even been day dreaming about what He may have in store. I feel so bunched up full of feelings, I find myself confused.

Yesterday we went to Scott's aunt's place. She lives on a ranch owned by some people who wanted to have a foster care for boys there. It was gorgeous. Over 40,000 acres was my understanding of the size of this place. The kids loved it and so did we. It was a nice get away.

Sunday, May 15, 2005

Beware! Random mixed/combined thoughts!

So many thoughts, so little room to store them. I'm experiencing an overload of thoughts and ponders of how our family can/will/may live as a whole and better ourselves as a family as well as a part of a community. I just want to take a moment to split that word up---------> comm unity......hmmmmmmm. what I see and hear in that that is come in unity.....granted the 'in' isn't in there but it makes sense. Come in unity with Christ....


1. A group of people having common interests: the scientific community; the international business community.
2. A group viewed as forming a distinct segment of society: the gay community; the community of color.

1. Similarity or identity: a community of interests.
2. Sharing, participation, and fellowship.

Society as a whole; the public.


The state or quality of being one; singleness.
The state or quality of being in accord; harmony.

1. The combination or arrangement of parts into a whole; unification.
2. A combination or union thus formed.

Singleness or constancy of purpose or action; continuity: “In an army you need unity of purpose” (Emmeline Pankhurst).

It's very interesting to me to study individual words. I use to do this all of the time when I was big in writing poetry. Anymore I never seem to have the abilty to write what I want to write in the time alotted to me. I guess it happens and in due time I'll have that time.

So in search of our new way of living through/with/in Christ, we've come acrossed some possibilities that may be quite humbling and eye opening. I've been examining myself more closely today as I've been thinking this, and boy oh boy there's a severe need for improvements. Especially in my patience. Granted I've stated this before, but hey hey hey its still a factor that is being worked on, and hopefully I can have some peace in the matter. Certain things such as patience, and continuously giving to and loving strangers as well as the many gazillion things God wishes us to do with another seems nearly impossibly. Is it possible to acheive half of it and still be full of human emotions? No I don't question that too much, but I guess I just wonder how I would be in that kind of mental setting.

Friday, May 13, 2005

Hmmmmmm....just thinking

I'm finding myself searching for the realness in how to become a part of a community as well as trying to seek out what that would look like and mean for us as individuals. We are a big family in a small space, and really don't own much in comparison to the ways of this possession obsessed world, but in my eyes we own way too much for just ourselves. How can we, us, as a family become more accountable. How can we stop hiding our frustrations, and start loving each other better? How can we teach the kids to give so generously, if we ourselves have such a hard time doing so? Not saying we are stingy, but in this area and many others there's plenty of space for improvement. Since we've lived here I've experienced real prayer time with other people, and some real sense of community. Joining together to eat, laugh pray, sing, cry, and just breath in Christ's greatness of love and warmth. Then I think of the concept of pay it know actually putting it to work in your lives. I actually learned it from the movie "Pay It Forward" , but its still a great way of spreading the love, ya know? For those who don't know the concept, here it is: You help three people in a very big way by doing something they can't do by themselves. Then instead of seeking repayment or anything at that, you just tell them to pay it forward by helping three other people in very big ways, and so on and so on. It spreads so big. I don't know. These are all just some thoughts, ya know.

I guess I just look at my kids and wonder how I can show and teach them how God wants us to care for another by doing such things myself. I just pray for it... to be quick to give, not be quick to forgive, not be live each day joyfully and thankfully, not regretably or be willing to give up everything we own to help someone, and not be selfish with our time and just live fully through Christ every day by choice, and not stray off His path by our own ignorance.

Monday, May 09, 2005

Some thoughts.....

I was reading the deal going on over at Andrew's blog, and just some more thoughts came to me, kind of along the lines of the subject of where my mind use to be before I came to know Christ. Life was hard, and it seemed inevitable that it was just going to get harder. The more you dreamed about a happy ending, the further away that reality was. Jesus was just some painting on the wall then with an unknown apathetic story that made Him well known. Hellbound was how I felt around the "God people" and it seemed then like the rightly chosen path if you wanted to ever have any fun. Drugs and alcohol were the anti-reality tools, and people were around to help you use them. Sobriety was defined as lame, ignorant, and boring. Forgiveness was nonexistent. The 'God people' the most judgemental people you'd ever meet. At times they were fake and so surreal. When I remember this stuff, I pray that I never come across like this. I know this is jumbled....if you are confused or just curious, just ask me/talk to me.

A little poetic moment

Who am I to you?
A brother?
A sister?
A neighbor?
An enemy?
Who am I to you when you stare at me blankly?
When you look right through me as if I'm glass?
Am I here for you?
Am I here with you?
I gaze at the wonderous sky, and think of you.
Where do you stand?
A seeker of peace and serenity?
Maybe all you need to do is walk through my door.

Saturday, May 07, 2005

Not sure what to say, but here we go......

Not sure of what to say, but I guess I'll say it anyways, hee hee. I found myself feeling a little out of place today at chrch and I'm not so sure as to why. I think I was just tired from working today. Today was slammed at work, and to my very own surprise, I survived. I even was able to catch up! My boss and co-workers even said they were impressed. I was told it takes most people a couple of weeks to keep up with little mistakes.

I fixed lil miss Kiwi's hair like my own lil punker girl.

Isn't she awesome?

Mikah D has become his very own personal hair dresser. He just loves to pose!

And Asa B loves to scrubba scrub in the tubba tub! Such a water baby!

Thursday, May 05, 2005

You Wanna see my buns?

Challah buns that is! So at Einstein's, they make all fresh bagels EVERYDAY. So that means they toss the end of day's left overs.Which also means the employees get dibs to take them home! Today I took advantage of that and got practically every bagel they had. very nice.........

Anyways, on top of that I am enjoying my job. The people are cool, and the job isn't that bad at all. Asa isgetting along fine without me too. I was a little worried I'd have to stop nursing, but that's not the case. I just have to make sure I "Express Myself" for mommy milk when I get home. I'm still trying to get use to the hours of early AM, but that's okay. I'll get use to it.


Monday, May 02, 2005

Things I'm thankful for this morning

+ My beautiful family
+ My new job
+ Our family bundling up the nerve and strength to move here in Dallas
+ LGBC for love and support during this transition
+ That the older kids are still sleeping, giving me a quiet morning with Asa
+ The Rudd's for love, support, friendship, and for teaching us the wonderful benefits of cloth diapering
+ That my stomach can handle more than one cup of what Scott would call, some weak weak weak coffee
+ For our new friendships that are developing
+ For our new apartment, this is our first one all to ourselves
+ For our family in Indiana, for their support and everything else
+ A working microwave ;)
+ An unlimited amount of library books borrowed
+ Mikah's desire to be homeschooled
+ Our desire and wiilingness to homeschool the kids
+ everything
+ Kiara being daytime potty trained :) YOU GO GIRL!

Saturday, April 30, 2005

Rock On

Okay I've got a couple of things to share. First, a couple of days ago our new microwave pooped out on us. I guess the green beans were too much for the machine, hee hee. Anyways, we couldn't afford to buy a new one and when I threw out my broken purse, I was positive I accidently left the receipt inside it. So since then we've been having to heat up everything on the stove, and having to rewash everything as we go. Which is fine, but at times its just so much nicer being able to skip all of those extra steps when cooking. Well, miraculously, I was cleaning off the dresser and found the receipt! Rock on! We now have a new microwave. Also, I was able to get one cheaper, so I also got the kids some new flip flops, which was needed too. Ahhhhhhhhhhh, the little things :)

Okay next, I want to share a little tidbit from my walk with the kids yesterday evening. As we were walking Kiara looked ahead, and I heard her faintly whisper, "It's so beautiful." I smiled and asked what was beautiful. She said, " Ahhhhhhhh, the sky." It was so adorable. And it also made me realize how new her eyes are compared to mine. I remember when I use to just stare at the sky in wonder and enjoyment. It just brought me to a place where I come to realize how huge God really is. Very cool stuff. I love my little angels :)

The last thing I wanted to share was about my oldest little babe, Mikah. This week we had been doing homeschooling. Nothing really scheduled, but just a start to help me figure out a more regular schedule. Anyways, since I've been hired the kids realize I'm not going to be here constantly anymore. This came acrossed as a big bummer to them while I was looking, but eventually they became happy for me and us. Anyways, today while I was exchanging the microwave, Mikah gave his Mama Phyllis a call. He hid in the closet so he could talk to her privately. One of the things he wanted to talk to her about was how he didn't want to go to school, that is outside of the home. Wow, it's amazing how much these kids think about. For some reason I had thought we had talked about it with him, but I guess not. So Scott had a talk with him about how while I was at work, daddy would be here and do a little bit of school, and when mommy got home, she would do a little bit too. Mikah thought that was awesome. I must say it makes me feel really good that he wants to be homeschooled and that we are able to find the way to do it.

Friday, April 29, 2005

A little Humbled

Wow, experiencing this first month here has been interesting. We've been getting closer and closer to the nitty gritty of our finacial situation. I'm not sure if we've ever been this situation where every last penny is stretched to its fullest potential. God has definitely been good, though. He has provided. We've never missed a meal, and we are healthily enjoying ice water as our main beverage. I must say I do enjoy watching God provide. He never holds back.

Also I have experienced the prayer groups here. This is something I have needed for quite the while. Just a time where you sit with one another, and be totally honest about what you need prayer for, and also a great time to pray for others. There really are no words to describe it. Ever since I've been here and meeting and talking with people, the more this place feels right for us. I feel like this is definitely the missing puzzle piece. It's absolutely amazing.

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

OH Guess What I Found!

I found me a jobby-job! Yes, oh, yes indeed. I walked in, filled out an application, talked with the assistant manager, then the manager, and got hired on the spot! What a relief. I hate my sucky faith. I was starting to freak a bit about finding a job, but just when I started getting really freaked, God stepped in laughing at me and shaking His head. Sorry God, I'll try to change my inner voices. So Einstein Brothers Bagels is my new place of employment. Rock on! I start May 2nd, and I can wear my piercing! Who's excited, ME ME ME! Sorry, I know I sound a little crazy with all of this, but I haven't been in the workplace in forever, and today at the interview I was extremely comfrtable with it all, and can't wait to start bageling away! Well, Asa and the house is calling. Thanks to everyone for their prayers.

Monday, April 25, 2005

A Bitter-Sweet Day

Okay, so I started today off by calling some places I had applied and job hunting through the job ads. And shortly before lunch time went off on a drive to check out some possible areas to apply. Well, I didn't get a chance to actually apply during this time, but at least I gathered up some ideas.

After lunch a woman from church picked me up to join her and some other ladies for a prayer time. The whole ime I was there I was thinking, "I've NEEDED something like this for quite some time now." It was gorgeous how much I was able to relate to this group of women. What was even more awesome was that we were all so different in our individualistic ways, yet through Christ, so alike. I felt so comfortable with them, and I can't wait to get to know these women better.

Well, that was awesome and that was the sweet part. I came home from the group to find that my brother had called. I had totally forgotten that today was the day my Dad was going back to court to see if he was going back to prison or not. For a little bit tof background, my Dad had went to prison a while back ago for some money issues. Well, today he got sentenced for 33 months. I'm still trying to gather all of the info as possible, but so far my emotions are feeling strung about and pulled every which way. It sucks, because even though I only saw him a couple of times a year, I was still able to call him and talk with him as well as the kids. I just hope that since he has to do the time, that it does him some good.

Sunday, April 24, 2005

A moment to exhale

I'm at the moment trying to figure out what kind of person I am, as well as what kind of parent I am, what kind of wife I am, but I'm guessing that none of that is important at this given moment, because everytime I try, I am pulled from myself back into supermom mode. That's okay to me, but there are just times where I get so damned selfish in my thinking, and it makes the day really hard on not only me, but those around me. I know people say I need to find time to myself and all, but what do I do, how do I , where can I, and sometimes why can't I? The last time Scott gave me a little bit to go somewhere by myself, I ended up taking Kiara with me. I'm not complaining about this at all, we had some fun with the Rudd's , and it was quite nice for the both of us. I almost always enjoy the one on one time with the kids. I say almost because when there's a kid involved there's always room for trauma and drama, hee hee. I'm not so sure where this is going, so don't try to map it. I'm trying to remember all of the topics I really wanted to write about, but in the mix with taking care of the kids, it all has been lost.

So anyways, here's some happy-go-lucky stuff I want to share: Kiara is almost totally potty trained for daytime. Granted we still have accidents, but hey those happen. Either way she's doing AWESOME! I'm also getting the hang of these cloth diapers and have been using them more frequently. And Mikah has started homeschooling, well, right now its kind of unorganized, but that will change shortly. He's learning how to follow directions and how to add, and take in what he's reading. Very nice. I must admit the first try was quite frustrating for Mikah and myself, but that's okay. This is something new to the both of us. Another thing is Scott and I are feeling very comforted about our decision about moving here. It just fits. Well, mommy-hood calls once again, our dinner is fixed, the kids and I all helped to prepare :)

Saturday, April 23, 2005

What side of the bed is this?

Okay, so I wake up with my little miss Kiara in her cloth diaper letting me know she needed changed. Of course there was no smell so to my suprise, there's poo everywhere. Just as I start changing her, Asa's diaper, which is also in a state for changing, starts to leak as well. Once I change everyone, and clean everything up, Mikah starts hitting me up for some oatmeal. So I take a breath and make the oatmeal, and pour Kiara a bowl of Bran flakes which she has asked for. Just as I'm about to pour the milk in her bowl, she says she wants oatmeal and starts crying. CRYING. Ha ha, luckily for her I still had some patience left and had her stop crying and ask for it nicely. She had done so. Once all of our oatmeal was done, we sat at the table to eat. Its too hot still, so Mikah starts repeatedly asking for an ice cube. Before I did this I checked Kiara's oatmeal to see if it was the same as Mikah's, but her's was cooler. So I just got an ice cube for Mikah. This is about when World war 3 crash landed in Kiara's little head. You gotta love three year olds, hee hee. After that drama was done I actually sat down to eat my own breakfast, and for some odd reason this is Asa's cue to just freak out in a crying fit. This morning I was severely outnumbered and I feel like its a show tell sign that I need to crack down on these spoiled kids a lot more on their manners and respect. I love my kids like crazy, but I'm thinking I'll appreciate them a lot more when I get at least a part time job. Must go Asa's crying my name.

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Questions that strike a pose

So I'm finding myself around a lot of questions, whether they come from Scott or myself, they are here. And the only thing I get out of them are more questions. The majority are God related and I guess I've become maybe more acceptable about not knowing than God wants me to be. This has me going a little crazy in mind. I'm not so sure how that comes across, but I'm beginning to believe it. I've become so use to just accepting that all of my questions, my impossible questions can't be answered by any person. Granted people can attempt to give me their answer, but really its a matter of opinion. The hard core facts can only come from God. So I just set them all aside, and hope that when the tiime comes, I will find out the real deal. But I don't think that's what He wants. He thrives on us searching for Him, and wants us to know Him more, even if it starts small and seemingly impossible. So maybe my acceptance is a way of trying to take the easier path. Is this making sense? Just some thoughts thrown out before I rest the night away.

Sunday, April 17, 2005

Wow would be enough

I can't believe we've been here this long already. I'm still looking for a job, and it hasn't been easy for me at all. Its been so long, and my self confidence has lower a bit since having kids. I don't blame it on the kids at all, but having kids has changed my life around totally. I'm not the same person I use to be, its just factual. I use to be able to grab interviews without even going to the place or sending a resume'. Also I've been sick and its made my voice horrifying. I won't call on apps until its back to normal. Most places are customer service type jobs, I need to sound friendly over the phone, not like Frankenstein, ha ha.Yester, I lost my voice. I had to whisper to people. It was crazy. Today I still sound raspy, but hopefully tomorrow I can call, and go to more places.

my fam is dow, mom, sis and nephew. They came in on Friday, and on Saturday, my poor nephew was breathing really hard and wheezing like crazy, so he spent the day in two hospitals. The first one transfered him over to the children's hospital to get asthma treatment. He's doing much better now. He can't be too active though, and its hard for him to remember that.

Another happening, is: ASA PULLED HIMSELF UP, STANDING UP AGAINST THE FURNITURE! His first time, I might add, and I GOT TO SEE IT! Its been seeming as though Scott has seen most of his firsts, so this made me feel better :)

ta-ta for now!

Sunday, April 03, 2005

WE'RE HERE!!!!!!!!!

Yes, yes..there it is! Here we are in our new home in the city of Dallas! (Let's take this moment to imagine my ginormous sigh of relief mixed with excitement)........
The drive was good, yet exhausting. I think I'm feeling the jet lag from it all, even though we didn't ride in a jet/ lag? Well you get the point. My mind and body are exhausted but that's okay....I defintely can deal. We don't have the net, so I'm going to have my main post about this all later. Thanks to EVERYONE for prayers and all of the help. ITS MUCH APPRECIATED!

Just one more quick note. Today I put on Asa's first very own cloth diaper.....and with that first cloth diaper, I got the explosion.....and guess what.....IT ALL KEPT CONTAINED! Very nice. Hopefully this will go smoothly. I'm planning on easing my way into it all. Between potty training Kiara, unpacking, job sesarching, and converting to cloth diapers, I think that is the best. Love you all, and will post more in a couple of days.

Friday, March 18, 2005

tooth-filled lil joys

Okay, forgot a little travel memory I wanted to share with everyone. Asa and daddy were just chilling out in the back seat of the car in Illinois, when Asa revealed the reason for his fussiness and sleeplessness: HIS FIRST TOOTH! There it was so plain for Scott to see, and what do I hear? "Ha ha! He's got his FIRST TOOTH! And I'M THE FIRST TO SEE IT!" Not that we're competing, but unfortunately Scott is rarely the first one to see these things. The first thing I think is: "Ouch" since I'm nursing still. Oh well, I guess I'll have to tough it out.

In addition to this first, we came home to find another. Mikah's had an incident with Kiara; she and him were jumping on his bed and her head come banging up against his lower jaw. This knocked a couple of teeth loose. Well when we were at Scott's parents to pick up the kiddos and we had to stay a couple of days to get the car fixed. Anyways our first night there I was brushing his teeth after his turn, and with the foaming toothpaste I saw a tooth just floating in his mouth! I screeched out of excitement....MIKAH HAD JUST LOST HIS FIRST TOOTH! Very cool. Now I remember when I was a kid and had a tooth fairy, so I decided to do the same with the kids. Heck, we already killed Santa, might as well give him the tooth fairy. So I wrote him a note and left a dollar to replace the tooth. Well, of course he was all sorts of excited, and read that letter over and over and over. Well, later that day he thought for some odd reason that I wanted him to throw away the letter. And he did! I still don't know where he got that; either way the letter was gone, and he was upset about it later. It really broke his heart. He wanted us to dig up the trash we had already taken out. To be honest, that's not my cup of tea, digging in the trash, especially when its alreaady tied up and has only God knows what else inside. So what do I do? I rewrite the letter. I had it all set up perfectly. I had the same crayon, same fold, and same wording.....well almost the same wording. I think I accidently added a word or two. This is the moment where I hand him the letter, and squint....will he notice this isn't the same letter? He examines the page over and over and over again...."Hey! This letter is different!" This is within 30 seconds! BUSTED. I was laughing so hard from shock. How many times did he read that thing!?! So this is where I tell him the truth about me rewriting the letter. This helped him feel better and he understood why I did it. He's such a sweet little man.

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

get organized already!

One thing this family has been very horrible about is being organized. We really suck at it. And right noww I'm at the beginning stages of our packing.......what a freaking mess! My mind doesn't like to keep my body in tune as to what's going on sometimes, and what I mean by that is I have way too many thoughts hitting me all at once, so important things are much too easily forgotten. (urgggggh) So all of this combines is truely a big mess. I hope to be able to have all of our necessities sorted as to what to keep and toss. Our next place is quite small, and if we can't compact it, then we must toss it. I just hope that when we unpack everything, we can find enough places for it all. I think that's why we are so unorganized....we can seem to have set places for things.

By the way, practically everything I've wanted to say about our trip to Dallas, Scotty pretty much said it perfectly. Only thing I would add is how wonderful the trip down was, and how freaking awesome it is that we are able to move down to Dallas! Huge thanks to the Rudd's for EVERYTHING! Especially for putting up with us for the week. Also huge thanks to the kern's for putting up with us! It was wonderful to see all of you! It was fantastic to meet Jessica finally. I hope to spend more time with her someday soon. Our trip down was quite refreshing. We've been going through some mind trauma lately from worries about family to what the next year is going to be like. Gladly enough though, our next ordeals of stress is a lot clearer so its much easier to handle.

Well, I've got a ton to do and very little time to do it, so I probably won't post again until we are moved. Take care everyone!

Thursday, March 03, 2005

Update on Scott's sister

I talked with Scott's sister today, and she's all around doing FREAKING FANTASTIC! She told me that the majority of her health problems that have been occuring over the past year have just up and vanished since the surgury. She talked with her oncologist and he said that the kind of cancer she had released a certain chemical in her body, and its been known to cause those symptoms. Some of the problems she's had were muscular dysfunction. She would lose all feeling in her legs and her hands would get all funky too. Also it sounds like she'll have a lot of people helping out with the 500 hours of community house service for Habitat For Humanity. I guess the youth group and a bunch of other people from their church are all about helping out. I'm so happy for them. I hope it just keeps getting better for them.

Deal with it

I must say I'm tired of hearing about issues that deal with separation of church and state. From the Commandment monuments and plaques all the way to gay marriage. First of all, if they remove a monument from the capital building, will that action change the history of our nation's laws or that state's unity? NO! Will we stray from keeping the commandments because they take a piece of marble and stone away? NO! Will fighting against gay marriage convert gay men and women to heterosexuality? NO! I can go on and on about these two, especially these two, but you get where I'm going. I understand that this guy is sueing for the position and existence of the monument, but this kind of thing has happened in the past where a bunch of the blind minded get their panties in a twist over such crud that leads them to protest with picket signs and raise some "holy cain" . I say, what's the ebig deal....take the phrase off the currency, the monuments out of the gov buildings, and stop discriminating unconstitutionally against gay marriage.....its not like they aren't getting married already. I think Christ has some better ideas of how to go about it than this.

(by the way, I'm not use to this crazy one button mac mouse, so no links will bee posted until I get back.)

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

We're Off....way off

Well tomorrow we leave for Monticello. There we will prepare the kids and ourselves with the final touches for our vacation/get away. I'm thinking about getting my hair cut.....not too sure what look I'd be going for, either way I need a good trimming. Friday early morning we will be headed to Oklahoma to visit the wonderful Kern family. The next morning we will be headed to Dallas to visit the Rudds and Thames. Tonite I get to start packing and get stuff fairly organized for when we come back. It'll be good just to go on the road trip.

Because of all this I probably won't be back on for awhile, at least until we get back. See ya!

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

living in the moment

It's silent...almost too silent. Older kids are playing and coloring together nicely on the floor. The baby is sleeping and I was actually able to put some of the clothes away. The second after I start thinking, "this is going to be a good day" it happens. That one little dister that carries a domino effect. It all starts with a crayon. Kiara puts a crayon back in the tub where it belongs. Mikah's head does a 360 degree backflip, and all hell breaks loose. Mikah's screaming at Kiara, Kiara's screaming back, the baby wakes up and starts screaming. I attempt to go at it all calmly, but soon have to raise my voice just to get the older kids to acknowledge my existence. Finally there is some resolution. Mikah and Kiara choose to play separately. Asa is ticked off still from being awoken and immediately put down without cuddling. He's a little hungry but still very tired, so I feed him and attempt to rock him back to sleep. Yes! It's quiet again! Finally a second where my nerves can just chill. Then it all happens again. Of course its a little different of a scenario, but same story. This is my routine day. Its starting to getting very stale and unbreathable, yet I'm out of ideas of how to get it all under control. I'm tired of not being able to keep this place clean, I'm tired of constantly battling with the kids, and I'm tired of being a hermit crab.

Last night I was to the point of just breaking down. I just wanted to kick something, scream at the top of my lungs, and then curl up into a ball and just cry. I'm highly looking forward to a break from the kids and our every day run around. I can't wait to get on the road. I think I'm going to enjoy this road trip. I'm especially going to enjoy seeing everyone, but just having time set to read, write, or crochet will be nice. I might even have a decent conversation with Scott too! That alone would be nice. A conversation where we aren't interrupted by the chaos our family lives out. Don't get the wrong idea.....I'm going to miss the kids like crazy, but I've needed a break...sort of like a day off. My job is 24/7 with these lil guys. I don't get to go home from work cause that's where work is. I'm hoping to change this routine very soon when we come back. Not too sure what that'll look like, but we'll find out sure enough!

thanks for listening.

Failed to Mention

I think I've failed to mention that I was able to save my hair....well at least most of it. Its been thinned out due to the removal of the waxy mess. I miss my dreads, and am a little aggravated I'll have to wait awhile again before putting them back in. My hair is still long, but with missing some, they wouldn't be as strong now. Oh well, I guess this waiting period will be a good time to strengthen my hair for the next bunch of knatty friends.

Kiara's leaarning how to write. She doesn't quite yet recognize each letter, but we're working on that as we work on writing out the letters. We're still struggling to get her on the potty. She's very sensitive and now says she's scared of the potty, because there are monsters in there. I think its because her and her daddy had some verbal problems. She couldn't quite express what she wanted to say and poor Scotty was confused as to what she wanted. This has been awhile since its happened, but its been since then she's been using the potty. I think I might get a little mischeivious with it, and bribe her at first....this is how we had to potty train Mikah. I didn't like it, but it was our last resort. Hopefully just using it to get her on the potty and then gradually encouraging it without bribary will do the trick. Today is the day....I hope.

Mikah has been quite the little artist and Mr. creativity. Once I find out how to get these pictures onto our new computer, I'll put some of his work up. He and the kids almost need their own gallery. I might be able to incorporate this into their next room when we move.....hmmmmm.

Sunday, February 27, 2005

Ode to Scotty!

yay for scotty....he learned to potty...or at least that's what i'm told.
he may have earned, and maybe learned...ahhh who cares...he's just OLD!


Friday, February 25, 2005

crazy moods and some scrambled thoughts

Tonite's been quite a swing dance with moods. Set aside my reaction with the kids, my inside is just exploding. Nothing bad, just feel confused about a lot of things. I feel like my heart is pulling me somewhere that seems out of reach. I've been trying to pray about it all, but I feel even more confused about it all right after. A leap of faith is needed, and that doesn't necessarily physically changing directions, but was is essential is to change my focus. Since we've found out about Scott's sis and everything it seems as though I've strayed off the path I was heading on and its really getting to me. I'm glad God never gives up on me, and knows what buttons to push on me. But I'm still confused on what to do and how. No matter the location I need to get involved with a community, regularly. But what? And how? Why is it the more I search for peace the more chaos tkes over? Can a peaceful life be lived fully for God? Is this possible as we are on this earth? I am who I am, I've been where I've been, I've seen what I've seen and believed what I believed. That cannot be changed and shouldn't ever be in consideration...........but I can choose not to change, but adapt into His greatness.

What will that look like?

Thursday, February 24, 2005



Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Wax OFF!!!!!!!!!

Ok, here's the gist of what happened. Got my dreads put in by my sis. We pulled an all nighter and still didn't get it finished as well some dreads were poorly done. Scott finished the untouched ones and I figured the rest we could work as we go. I used a little wax here and there, to keep the frizz down and make it all nice. Well, I decided to go somewhere to have someone help back comb the badly done dreads and wax it after. It took forever to find a place to do them, and when I finally found a place, I got scheduled in and went. I get there, and this french lady twists my dreads and throws some wax on. Unfortunately, I didn't realize how much wax she was using until it was all done. She freaking made candles out of my freaking head! So this past week I've been struggling to get this excess wax out of my hair. I've tried almost everything, with the exception of using an iron to them, (which if you ask my opinion I may as well cut them out now than do that!). Today I washed my hair, my scalp was killing me and I wanted to try pretty hot warm and soap as one of my last resorts. I soon come to the realization that this may be the end of my dreaded wonderland. I'm at the end of my rope with it. I love my dreads but this wax is going to ruin them. I'm about to run out and get me some lemon juice and vinegar, and if that doesn't work, them I'm going to have to chop them off :( I don't want to chop off my new little friends.

Monday, February 21, 2005

Scott's lil sis

I haven't blogged in awhile due to business and mostly for my loss of words. Not speechlessness, but there's been a lot of emotion going on inside me, and I really didn't want to send out the wrong picture. For days now, I've experienced at least 2 different kinds of emotions at once quite often. Managing two is quite an improvement. It took me awhile to get to this. I was at points where I just wanted to cry, hit something, and hide in a hole all at the same time. Making the decision to stay here in Indianapolis wasn't an easy one, but it was the right one. We couldn't go with Scott's sister just finding out she has cancer. Just typing that out gives me chills. She's just a year older than I am, and she has cancer. Yeah I know that even kids get cancer and age isn't really a factor, but doesn't mean its fair. Heck no cancer is fair. Sarah, his sister has surgury February 22 at 7:30 am. She's to have half of her colon removed,and they are also going to peak around to make sure the cancer isn't anywhere else. It sucks cause when I pray about it I get so many mixed feelings.....some peaceful and some fearful. Tuesday will be here very soon and we'll find out then what's all going on. I can't help but look up to God and ask Him, "what's up? What's going on? What is going to come from all of it?" But I'll know someday.....

Friday, February 11, 2005

A Child-like Fit

Today I've found myself struggling a bit with getting the two older kids to listen. They feed off each other's fits and it seems as if they try to gang up on me. The main thing I wanted them to do was to pick up their toys.....this is an on-going struggle. Its almost as if they think that if they just pick up one or two, then the rest will follow. Unfortunately this isn't so, and I find myself constantly getting onto to them about picking their toys up....making the whole process lasting hours, and me in a fit of rage. Then I find myself feeling like a horrible mother who just spent the day yelling at her kids. There have been days where Mikah has spent most of the day in his room because he just won't listen. I feel cruddy and at the end of my rope....out of ideas to get some discipline going in a positive direction.

My final conclusion today was to ground the kids from their toys for a couple of days. Only thing allowed to them are crayons, paper and books. They of course through an enormous fit during this, so I made it two days, and a time out for screaming at me. I'm having a hard time with this, but am going to stick with it. I give excuses for the way they behave....I'm trying to throw myself in the other direction. Hopefully this will work out to everybody's advantage.

Saturday, February 05, 2005

A Glorious start to a new year

I know January is done and gone, but I must say it has been a beautiful start in this awesome new year! I'm calling it Heather's Year of self-taught creations and journey to God's light......or something...hee hee!

So far I've taught myself how to sew, and have made and finished 4 well as I'm continuing to learn how to improve it. Also my sister has just taught me how to crochet.....I'm starting to get the hang of it and am also getting a lil addicted. I hope to be able to make scarves and beanie tihgt hats with it, and who knows maybe a blanket sometime! This may be a nice little trade that'll come in handy later. Next I'm going to learn how to batik and tie dye. I know how to tie dye already, but not with specific designs....I've never really liked the look of them. Once I get a washer and dryer, I'll be able to teach myself how to do all of that! Which I technically already know, just waiting on the washer and dryer...yay!

I got my beautiful dreaded hair now, and am contemplating a new piercing to go with this fabulous year of new changes. Not sure yet....I might go ahead and get it done in Dallas after I've found a job....I don't want to mess with that area. Granted there are probably a ton of jobs I can do with a piercing, but a job should come first.

Kristen asked me once what I would like to do for the time I was so focused on sewing....that's what I told her, but the more I think of it, the only way I'd do that for work is if I had friends to sew with....I'm a people person...I crave people, so it would only be a good idea to find a job around people.

I've searched my heart, and one place I have always set my heart towards are pregnant teens. I was just 17 when I had Mikah, and have been through a great deal during that time. I was extremely lucky God had chosen the best father for my child.....someone who would stick around, and love him no matter what.....someone who would later become my bestest friend in the whole world.....someone who would later become my partner in crime for life...not only that but my family was extremely supportive as well.I was very lucky. A lot of girls don't have that. A lot of girls have to do it alone. I would love to be somewhere to work hands on with those girls. I think that would be awesome. I pray for that, but also pray for God to put me where I can make relationships with all different kinds of people. I'm so thrilled, yet scared as to what God is doing with the lil Miller fam.

the locks have arrived!





After a great amount of pain, and long withstanding hours of being teased and razzled, my little ones have arrived. I still have 7 more to get done, because 14 hours worth didn't quite cut it. Hopefully tomorrow will be the finishing day!

Friday, February 04, 2005

Whoa......its really going to happen.......

Okay here goes a YAY! for unlimited excitement, and an OH SHIT for a time to have a human freak out session, and let me end it with a ginormous praise THANKS BIG MAN! for finally showing our next steps for this new year. It's kind of weird. I have all of these feelings hitting me at once.....I'm feeding off of it though. Yeah I have a great amount of worries trying to punch at me, but I throw them aside and try to focus on the reason. So here I am, trying my hardest not to get ahead of myself and try to calmly strategize this big move. This will get interesting.

I've already broke the news to our parents....Scott's mom was supportive, but bummed. My mom didn't say anything supportive, and kept making other suggestions about what would be better to do with the means of going. My brother and sister are spokenly supportive , yet quietly protesting.