Sunday, May 29, 2005


I've been neglecting my blog, on purpose. Why??? Because sometimes life happens soooo much, but in in this case its been a good thing. We've been out making friends and having fun, and even in our most humbling state, we've felt truely blessed. This post is going to be a mixed up slide show......and the pictures are mostly for my bro SHANE! Hee heee heee, these are for you bro, so you better comment! ha ha!

Thursday, May 19, 2005

More of Reality

Last night at prayer and healing rooms, I came to another realization that we are in the right place. Here lately I've been struggling with some hard issues dealing with family almost a thousand miles away and more, and on top of that my mind and heart feels drained. A lot of thoughts going through I normally would have just held it in and tried to deal with on my own, but last night it was like God pushed me so far to the edge that I had to be honest with the negativity inside. In that I'm not saying He put these thoughts there....oh defintely not, but He fought with me until I opened up to the group. After prayers and an annointing, it was absolutely amazing how much of the weight and stress was alleviated. I breathe easier today. Thanks.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005


Ahh, breathing......some days it feels like a choreful task.....others it feels like a vacation. Today it feels like a task. Our family has been stretched with emotions with other family members back at home. This is the first time I've felt homesick. Where I can't be there for my family and just hug them. God's also has got me in a great variety of other emotions.....excitement,happiness...hope...and I've even been day dreaming about what He may have in store. I feel so bunched up full of feelings, I find myself confused.

Yesterday we went to Scott's aunt's place. She lives on a ranch owned by some people who wanted to have a foster care for boys there. It was gorgeous. Over 40,000 acres was my understanding of the size of this place. The kids loved it and so did we. It was a nice get away.

Sunday, May 15, 2005

Beware! Random mixed/combined thoughts!

So many thoughts, so little room to store them. I'm experiencing an overload of thoughts and ponders of how our family can/will/may live as a whole and better ourselves as a family as well as a part of a community. I just want to take a moment to split that word up---------> comm unity......hmmmmmmm. what I see and hear in that that is come in unity.....granted the 'in' isn't in there but it makes sense. Come in unity with Christ....


1. A group of people having common interests: the scientific community; the international business community.
2. A group viewed as forming a distinct segment of society: the gay community; the community of color.

1. Similarity or identity: a community of interests.
2. Sharing, participation, and fellowship.

Society as a whole; the public.


The state or quality of being one; singleness.
The state or quality of being in accord; harmony.

1. The combination or arrangement of parts into a whole; unification.
2. A combination or union thus formed.

Singleness or constancy of purpose or action; continuity: “In an army you need unity of purpose” (Emmeline Pankhurst).

It's very interesting to me to study individual words. I use to do this all of the time when I was big in writing poetry. Anymore I never seem to have the abilty to write what I want to write in the time alotted to me. I guess it happens and in due time I'll have that time.

So in search of our new way of living through/with/in Christ, we've come acrossed some possibilities that may be quite humbling and eye opening. I've been examining myself more closely today as I've been thinking this, and boy oh boy there's a severe need for improvements. Especially in my patience. Granted I've stated this before, but hey hey hey its still a factor that is being worked on, and hopefully I can have some peace in the matter. Certain things such as patience, and continuously giving to and loving strangers as well as the many gazillion things God wishes us to do with another seems nearly impossibly. Is it possible to acheive half of it and still be full of human emotions? No I don't question that too much, but I guess I just wonder how I would be in that kind of mental setting.

Friday, May 13, 2005

Hmmmmmm....just thinking

I'm finding myself searching for the realness in how to become a part of a community as well as trying to seek out what that would look like and mean for us as individuals. We are a big family in a small space, and really don't own much in comparison to the ways of this possession obsessed world, but in my eyes we own way too much for just ourselves. How can we, us, as a family become more accountable. How can we stop hiding our frustrations, and start loving each other better? How can we teach the kids to give so generously, if we ourselves have such a hard time doing so? Not saying we are stingy, but in this area and many others there's plenty of space for improvement. Since we've lived here I've experienced real prayer time with other people, and some real sense of community. Joining together to eat, laugh pray, sing, cry, and just breath in Christ's greatness of love and warmth. Then I think of the concept of pay it know actually putting it to work in your lives. I actually learned it from the movie "Pay It Forward" , but its still a great way of spreading the love, ya know? For those who don't know the concept, here it is: You help three people in a very big way by doing something they can't do by themselves. Then instead of seeking repayment or anything at that, you just tell them to pay it forward by helping three other people in very big ways, and so on and so on. It spreads so big. I don't know. These are all just some thoughts, ya know.

I guess I just look at my kids and wonder how I can show and teach them how God wants us to care for another by doing such things myself. I just pray for it... to be quick to give, not be quick to forgive, not be live each day joyfully and thankfully, not regretably or be willing to give up everything we own to help someone, and not be selfish with our time and just live fully through Christ every day by choice, and not stray off His path by our own ignorance.

Monday, May 09, 2005

Some thoughts.....

I was reading the deal going on over at Andrew's blog, and just some more thoughts came to me, kind of along the lines of the subject of where my mind use to be before I came to know Christ. Life was hard, and it seemed inevitable that it was just going to get harder. The more you dreamed about a happy ending, the further away that reality was. Jesus was just some painting on the wall then with an unknown apathetic story that made Him well known. Hellbound was how I felt around the "God people" and it seemed then like the rightly chosen path if you wanted to ever have any fun. Drugs and alcohol were the anti-reality tools, and people were around to help you use them. Sobriety was defined as lame, ignorant, and boring. Forgiveness was nonexistent. The 'God people' the most judgemental people you'd ever meet. At times they were fake and so surreal. When I remember this stuff, I pray that I never come across like this. I know this is jumbled....if you are confused or just curious, just ask me/talk to me.

A little poetic moment

Who am I to you?
A brother?
A sister?
A neighbor?
An enemy?
Who am I to you when you stare at me blankly?
When you look right through me as if I'm glass?
Am I here for you?
Am I here with you?
I gaze at the wonderous sky, and think of you.
Where do you stand?
A seeker of peace and serenity?
Maybe all you need to do is walk through my door.

Saturday, May 07, 2005

Not sure what to say, but here we go......

Not sure of what to say, but I guess I'll say it anyways, hee hee. I found myself feeling a little out of place today at chrch and I'm not so sure as to why. I think I was just tired from working today. Today was slammed at work, and to my very own surprise, I survived. I even was able to catch up! My boss and co-workers even said they were impressed. I was told it takes most people a couple of weeks to keep up with little mistakes.

I fixed lil miss Kiwi's hair like my own lil punker girl.

Isn't she awesome?

Mikah D has become his very own personal hair dresser. He just loves to pose!

And Asa B loves to scrubba scrub in the tubba tub! Such a water baby!

Thursday, May 05, 2005

You Wanna see my buns?

Challah buns that is! So at Einstein's, they make all fresh bagels EVERYDAY. So that means they toss the end of day's left overs.Which also means the employees get dibs to take them home! Today I took advantage of that and got practically every bagel they had. very nice.........

Anyways, on top of that I am enjoying my job. The people are cool, and the job isn't that bad at all. Asa isgetting along fine without me too. I was a little worried I'd have to stop nursing, but that's not the case. I just have to make sure I "Express Myself" for mommy milk when I get home. I'm still trying to get use to the hours of early AM, but that's okay. I'll get use to it.


Monday, May 02, 2005

Things I'm thankful for this morning

+ My beautiful family
+ My new job
+ Our family bundling up the nerve and strength to move here in Dallas
+ LGBC for love and support during this transition
+ That the older kids are still sleeping, giving me a quiet morning with Asa
+ The Rudd's for love, support, friendship, and for teaching us the wonderful benefits of cloth diapering
+ That my stomach can handle more than one cup of what Scott would call, some weak weak weak coffee
+ For our new friendships that are developing
+ For our new apartment, this is our first one all to ourselves
+ For our family in Indiana, for their support and everything else
+ A working microwave ;)
+ An unlimited amount of library books borrowed
+ Mikah's desire to be homeschooled
+ Our desire and wiilingness to homeschool the kids
+ everything
+ Kiara being daytime potty trained :) YOU GO GIRL!