Tuesday, November 29, 2005

A New Kind of Moon

So I'm getting a snack ready in the kitchen while the kids are hnging out in the living room. As I come out I glance in the living room, when something catches my eye......you wanna know? Do you really??????? Yup, you do! It was Asa's naked bum! Not only was it it naked, it was sticking up in the air shaking back and forth while his head was to the floor and one leg in the air while he hummed, "La la la loo"

He gets it from his daddy's side.

Saturday, November 26, 2005

Like Father Like Son

So everytime Scott reads at home he reads aloud. This is just a normal thing here. Well the night before last Mikah was in his room, and the main reason how I knew he stayed in bed was because he read to himself out loud, just like his daddy. How sweet is that. I must also mention a most grand accomplishment of Mikah's. He finished reading his bible story book in 2.5 days. This book has over 180 pages. That's just awesome.

Our First Thanksgiving Together

Thursday wasn't the very first time we all spent Thanksgiving together. Last year was Asa's first. No, but this year we had a lot of firsts, and it was marvelously grand!

+This is our first Thanksgiving in Texas
+Our first Thanksgiving at home with the little Miller bunch
+Our first Thanksgiving not having to be in the car for most of the day
+OOur first untraditional Thanksgiving Day meal plan (Veggie pizza & Burritos)
+Our first vegetarian Thanksgiving meal
+Our first time making homemade pizza (which was the best friggin' pizza I've ever had!)
+Our first time making Chipotle-mocked burritos at home
+Our first holiday together that actually FELT like a holiday

Yeah baby! It was that good, and even better.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

The Gift Of Forgiveness

I received a much needed to hear letter from a member of my family that should have been close in relationship, but never has been. This was the person that has been very trying and difficult to forgive, but I have chosen to do that a while ago. This was first time I've been asked by that person for forgiveness. It was a confession I've never thought I would hear and I heard it. It humbled me in the right way too. There are reasons for not expecting this from this person. A very thick and hard shell has surrounded him/her for as long as I've known him/her. I always imagined if I ever had this moment that I would just turn my back and walk away.......but when I heard this, it was completely God moving me into the promise to forgive by opening my heart. I can't see this person physically for awhile, but this pushes me to make my letter more frequent.

I so didn't see this coming today.....

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Restlessnessish stuff

Today I feel stuck......really stuck. I feel as if I can't do things, yet I dream of so much more than what we are doing now. I wish to do so much with my family, but I feel there's just not enough courage for it. I find myself a little mad about it, but then I realize I'm in a coveting mood, then my emotions flip from anger to depressed. I don't know which way to even pursue, and what's being led, and what's being dreamt. I'm sure it's all dreamt, but is it led also?????? Yeah no specifics, cause there's just too much to go through on it. I want to travel everywhere, experience everything, and grow with people. I want our family to do this together. Granted we are a mess and might be forever, but I don't want to feel stuck anymore. I want to go on "adventures" and walk totally on faith.....but when it comes to the ordeal of us doing it as a family, we all have to be willing. The ways of the world causes too much of a wall for that sometimes. I'm tired of dreaming.....I'm tired of all of the things that separate me from reality and puts me in this place I find myself today. I'm tired of this wave that just keeps coming back.


After some time on my knees with God and some heavy prayer I have found a sense of peace. Still many questions, but there's some peace to it finally. I still feel pushed towards something, but I feel I have some time to figure out what it is. It's something good and challenging........time will tell. Thanks for listening.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

The darkness is leaving

This wave of depression is starting to end. I noticed it a couple o days ago. I'm very grateful for the time of it passing. And now I kind of feel stupid for it happening, but that's just part of the cycle, and soon I'll be Confident and ready to conquer the world.....well maybe not, but I know my kids always enjoy this part, because most of my energy is spent towards them. This time I need to change it up a little. I can keep in tune with my kids, but also make time for me, little bit by little bit. Managing my time is hard, but can be done. I just need some good habits and regularity in tasks and then all shall be good. Its not over yet, but I can finally see some light.

A Chart That can change the path of mankind

Yeah........okay, maybe not mankind, but the paths and mindset of my children. We've set up a positive actions chart for Mikah and Kiara, and so far it is working brilliantly. The kids get stickers for every good deed on the poster, and then after three stickers they can trade those for a little privelage. I can't believe I haven't done this before....its been on my mind to do it, but I always assumed the kids wouldn't get into it. Well they are diggin it and I'm diggin it. I may change it though. Right now it has very specific stuff up there that we've been having problems with, but I'm thinking about doing a kind of fruits of the spirit type thing so we can have God take hold of it for us as well it will be a great way of teaching and embedding upon these kids the great ways God wants us to live, not only for ourselves but for others as well.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

My darkness

Here lately I've been in sinking mode. It comes and goes and its extremely difficult to fight off. Here letely I've been struggling with parenthood and wifehood. I suck at both of these and the realization is coming into clarity more and more. Its more struggling of how to to screw up the kids and my husband by my actions or unavailable actions. How to discipline for long term success and how to control my patience to be ever lasting. Yeah this to me seems unreal and not a plottable path. Absolutely impossible it seems, as well as never-ending.

Then I get stuck in my mode of dreams where I can escape with my family to anywhere and we can just learn how to be a family together.....and we can support our family on the road...or something. I'm tired of this struggle and tired of feeling like I've failed on so many levels. And I'm feeling depressed and very pissed off about it.

I'm ready for this wave to be done.