Friday, December 29, 2006
We ate tacos for supper....I know, I know, but hey it was fabulous for us! Scott's a veggie guy, and the kids are just picky....this was the one meal ALL of us really enjoyed. It really was the best meal for us. We did this for Christmas and Thanksgiving last year. This is just how we do it :)
We played video games with the kids, sang Christmas hymns and carols. We also had our very first fire in our fire place! This was perfect! I've wanted this for awhile now.
Scott and I sat by the fireplace with Asa and just talked for awhile...it was really nice.
Lastly, I need to tell you about my Christmas present from God. Seriously. Okay, I went outside for a little bit and looked up at the sky to only see two stars and the moon. I got really bummed and just said aloud, "Oh, God I just want to see the stars" This is one of the biggest things I hate about Dallas. I love Dallas, but dang it, I can't function well without stars.
I came back inside and went out again later, and there just above our house and the neighbors' was a big opening in the sky and a bunch of stars shining through! I also got to see Orion, my favorite constellation! This was a huge treat for me. I was so excited I went inside and told Scott he needed to come out and see my present from God. What's so amazing about this is that ever since I have lived here I have never seen many stars in the sky. Maybe some scattered few and far between, but not like this. Back in Indiana, they were everywhere. It always gave me that big wonderous awe feeling with God. i just feel close to Him in that feeling.
The only bummer in our holiday was that Asa was running a really high temp of 104 for two days and I couldn't break his temp, so I had to take him into ER for some antibiotics and allergy medicine. Found out he had a start of an infection and asthma. He's better now...or at least getting there.
Oh yeah, my power tools and easel rock!
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
A lot of good things have happened, seemingly little, yet huge. The kids are on Christmas break right now. It's really a nice change to only have to get myself up in the morning and get ready with no rush. It's also really nice to be able to come straight home after work instead of waiting on the kids to get out for 30 minutes, then take them home after speaking with their teachers and so on.
My medicine is doing very well. It's working in the ways I need it to, which is very good. I don't have any side effect really other than just feeling a tad bit tired all the time, but it's really nothing much.
I went to karaoke last night. It was really fun. I got some extremely encouraging feedback from many people....I needed that. For awhile there I was really questioning my ability to sing. Yes of course I need work, but it's good to know I don't have to start from the very beginning. I finally met some people there I've been trying to meet for awhile. I got to catch up with other people that go there regularly. It was all very awesome and good for me. I'm kind of sad that next Monday is Christmas and there won't be karaoke. I'll have to aim for another night at another place.
I now own power tools! I own a drill, rotary tool, and a power saw. I'm frigging excited about that! My mom couldn't have been happier that I asked for power tools for Christmas. She's so funny.
Well, not much else on my mind to say. Laters!
Sunday, December 03, 2006
I started on an anti-depressant/anxiety medication three days ago. I won't know much about it helping for maybe another week, but it may take longer. So we will see how it goes. I've been feeling sketchy and really tired lately, but yesterday and today I have been out of bed (where I've been the past week) and cleaning house and rummaging through kid clothes, and trying to figure out how we can't help get our stuff to not be clutter. I feel a solution is underway. Any ideas or tips of organizing would be wonderful...I suck at this.
Okay, I think I am off to watch a movie while I label my coverless VHS tapes.....yes we still own these, and actually continue to buy them due to incredible pricing.
Monday, November 27, 2006
By the way, just for the record.....I drove 16 hours, in one day, with three kids by myself...SUPER MOM!
Saturday, November 18, 2006
I'm here currently in Indiana at my mother's home with the kids. I've been here going close to two weeks now. I've been on quite a journey since I have been here. The first couple of days were meant for no thinking about anything I was taking a break from. I did this somewhat successfully. Then I went into Spastic mode of not knowing which direction to go, what I wanted, and then it hit me......maybe I should just stop trying to figure that out and just find myself once again. I've lost a part of myself I may never be able to get back. I'm not sure how it happened, it just did. I was easily losing myself and things I enjoyed and appreciated about myself. In it's place I have found a deep strong fear. Fear of many things such as my singing, my art, my sewing, myself as a person (mother, wife, friend......) It was a hole sucking the very life out of me....sucking out the hope of any light being shed upon our struggling family. That fear is what is killing my spirit.
To be broken is a lot of things, but one thing it isn't is painless. During this time of no light seen and no hope felt, I decided to push myself to really seek the true face of God and His view on my life. I was tired of getting no where with my view...
Let's face it running in circles gets you faster to insanity than anything when it comes to your emotions. Through God's grace I have been able to build that hope up inside me, that passion I use to have, but also through God's grace and mercy, I was able to mend a long lost friendship together once again. A friendship I had turned my back on because of fear. It's amazing how long this gap was, yet how easily once given an opportunity, how God could build a bridge and send healing. I aim to come home next week. I hope to be ready to be strong and sincere, and loving.
Friday, November 03, 2006
So I'm singing a song tomorrow.....I'm excited, but am convinced I'll suck. We'll see. I pray God will give me the voice and rhythm if this will be inspiring to anyone at all.
I think that is all I can dig up for now. My camera is working once again. Pictures soon to come to my flickr page.
Friday, October 27, 2006
Sorry I've been both going insane and have been extremely busy at the same time. I'm tired and worn, but there have been some great things have happened.
We are officially and totally moved. Well, there is one car full left, but other than that, we're out of there! Yay!
I got to go to an Evanescence concert (MY FAVORITE BAND)! Not ONLY did I get to go , but I also got to meet them! It was really cool. I needed to get out, and that was just fun. It was an awesome show, and even though I was by myself, it rocked!
Our family is becoming a better family than we have been in a really long time. We are just grooving together better. Tis really good.
I did a face painting/tattoo booth at the school fall carnival today. It was fun and my booth made $130.00 for the school. I rock.....okay maybe not, but it was good to be a part of it while the kids ran about and played games.
I'm exhausted right now, but I wanted to check in with you guys, if there is anyone out there. Take care!
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Please keep your prayers going for our lil family. A lot of struggles right now. Please lift up Mikah, he's going through a ton of things he doesn't understand. Thanks.
Monday, October 16, 2006
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
I was thrilled last night. I closed the bar with Dawn, Mark, Gail, and lucy doing Karaoke. NICE! I also got my friend Angela to do Alanis Moorisette, You Oughta Know with me...IT TWAS AWESOME. Very fun times. I think I have most of the ladies at LGBC dedicated to this place. Hee hee hee, spread the addiction of karaoke :)
Mikah has a chance to be on CBS morning show with a big group of boy scouts. There's problems though that are arising for us to get him there. We will see, and let you know...oh yeah, SOMEONE better tape this for me! If it happens. Who knows. Right now we have to work out the schedule.
Kiwi's asthma is yucky right now. I'm awaiting her next dose, so we can get her to stop wheezing. It's not an emergency, but it needs to stop now. It's scary going ot bed knowing she's wheezing. I just want her to breath freely. I need to get Asa checked out for his cough. He's had a cough for quite the while. Just about as long as Kiara. Makes me wonder about him too. That's how Kiara's kind of started. She was just coughing a lot for a long period of time. Any prayers would rock.
Well, it is time to rest. Good night.
Saturday, October 07, 2006
Last night we cleaned out the fridge and the cabinets. We have tons of cabinets, so it took us a good three and half hours to clean the kitchen. But, IT'S CLEAN :) It looks very nice.
If anyone is in the area today or Wednesday during the day that wants to help us move stuff, email us, or give us a call.
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
"Oh, you are the most diseased person in town, come hang out with me, let me give you a hug, cause you are my brother." "Do you realize what it is that you are doing? You can get my disease!" "Oh, yeah I realize what I'm doing, I'm showing my brother how he can live with me forever in the best place imaginable." "Why would you do such a thing, what will the others think?" "Because I can't rest well if I don't try to show you how to live better. That's what family does, and if the others don't see that then I'm sad for them, because it may take them longer to realize the truth. Come, let me show you how it's done and maybe you can be the one to go to them." "But I'm afraid I will disappoint you." "My Dad, the top dog, knew you before you were born, and told me all about you....I know what you can handle." "Thank you Jesus" "Yes, and thank you, brother"
I still love those people, though with many issues we just don't agree with. Our heart flies elsewhere, and that's okay. Either way I'm very thankful for God calling me to where He wants me, and that we are in a place around people that support us with our crazy ideas. But most of all it just feels good to know that we aren't just talking about it anymore. We are finally out here doing what we've ranted and raved about for years. I pray I will always be willing.
Believe me I totally understand not going into a bar if you have an issue with alcohol, you shouldn't go where you can't handle the temptions of your strongest sins. I personally shouldn't go to gay bars. Not until I can maintain a mindset where I can control my drinking there. There's a heavy spirit in those places that hit close to home. The people I always ended up hanging out with were very fun people, and it's hard for me to say no when I've had more to drink than I should in that setting. The spirit that dwells there is convincing that getting trashed like the rest of them is the best thing for you. To drown out your sorrows of what half of the world thinks of you with intoxication. I use to be surrounded heavily with this kind of crowd when I was in my party years. But any other bar, I'm fine, I can have one drink, two at most and be fine. It's very wise to know, understand, and respect your toughest temptations. Respect I guess more your weakness for them.
Sorry, this is a bit longer than I planned it to be. Have a great evening.
Monday, October 02, 2006
Thursday, September 28, 2006
Good news on the horizon! I'm very encouraged about our moving situation. No reason, other than God is shining His grace on me about it and giving me faith to perservere. We have no money, no idea, but we have a target and our focus is on God about it, so it's all good!. I can't wait until this place is ours. This place is perfect in many, many ways.
To the right we have a column about our situation. We need prayers, tons of prayers. Anyone who will even take ten seconds to pray for our housing situation, please do, pass it on, put it on your prayer request at church. If God leads you to support us in any other way, great, but I'm begging for your prayers. I don't feel desparate, but encouraged to ask for all the prayers we can get. I know God will provide, it's just a matter of when, where, who, and how. Thank you friends. Much love and many blessings to you all.
Monday, September 25, 2006
On the recovery note. I hurt, bad. Do you realize how hard it is to barely talk when you have three kids that just don't listen? I believe it is time to bring in the hard and cruel law. The one that puts the fear in your children the milisecond they cross the line. Anyways...more daydreaming later. Pain sucks, alot. What even sucks more than pain is the kind the you have to take heavy doses of narcotics that make you nauseated. And imagine having that with three kids. I've missed work, and I'm tired of feeling ill and in pain. Anyways, here I am, still just waiting to wake up pain free.
Hopefully next time I blog, we'll know more about our new place. :)
Saturday, September 23, 2006
Some may easily confused about this passage. Why would we want to mourn? What if we have nothing to mourn for? The message on my heart about that is, we have many things to mourn. There are so many things going on in this world let alone just down the street from you. When you grieve and mourn, you allow your heart to be awkened to the reality of something painful that has or is happening. It's the acceptance to feel pain.
What do I want to do when I read this? I desire to choose a day here and there to mourn and pray for something that I haven't any choice other than to pray and mourn.
This month I choose the subject of human trafficking. Where children are sold or kidnapped into sexual slavery and abuse. Where these poor souls will be forced to hand their whole bodies over almost 40 times a day to total stranger to have what they will with them for the right price. For the parents of these individuals who don't know what has happened with their missing, or do know but still can't find their baby. For those who are killed just for getting ill from the torture their body has been forced to go through. My heart sinks for this issue. Its drowning as a matter of fact. Awareness is one thing but what else can you do? My heart feels led to prayer, a consistent prayer that can be done daily.
I read stories and true happenings, then I look at my daughter. The tears start flowing. I look over at my boys, and they just keep flowing. How can someone do this to a child or anyone?? I would be lying if I didn't say my heart filled with hatred towards people who do this. God is helping me with this, but man, in all honesty I really don't want to let go of this hate. The world has easily taught myself of revenge and how hate can bring you strength. Thankfully God knows my heart better and can sweet talk to me into His world, where only truth is told.
Kristen gave a website with a lot of information.
Sweet loving Jesus, I beg you to wrap around your children in sexual slavery. Protect them in their hearts, minds, and bodies. Set them free, oh God. Set them free. I plead for their lives and well being God. Return them to their family, let them go home. Let them find themselves in you Jesus. Let them find their freedom there. Sweet Jesus,I know your heart breaks for those in these bondages, allow their prey to feel this heart break with every breath they take God. Put your justice through each of them. Hear my prayer , Oh God, hear my cries! Set them free, and grant them your unfailing love and healing. Thank you Jesus.
Friday, September 22, 2006
Housing stuff, well a closed door has appeared in front of us about buying, which I give praise for because too many open doors can make a person insane. We still have many closed, yet hopefully will open soon doors which lay ahead with apartments, but we're still inside the wait upon God's great beauty to shine through and keep on trusting in Him. Yes, I get discouraged, but honestly I think my mind would be numb if not due to the long, long , long searches in all areas, and slammed doors in our faces. I've been told many times what we seek doesn't exist. Hmmmm. Okay, but if by the miraculous chance it does show up, could you call me? Thanks. Click. Moving is hard, but it is time. My heart knows it and every bite I get is just another affirmation we are moving in the right direction.
Poor Scott broke his toe, and it's causing him some pain. There's unfortunately not much to do other than prop it up and ice it, take IBProfen, and don't wear certain shoes. I remember when I chipped my tail bone. I begged my mom to take me to the hospital, and when she did all they gave me was some narcotics and told me to stay off me bum. Bones breaking hurts. Please pray for his very fast healing and easing of pain and discomfort.
Man, oh man, many mnay things just appear to be changing. Its not so hot out anymore PRAISE GOD! What was He thinking making this friggin' state He called us to sooo friggin' hot!?! He's crazy, plain and simple, Brilliant, but crazy!
Went to the Massive Attack concert with Scott. That was fun! I was sicker than a dog, but still went and had fun. I can't say no to a concert, just don't have it in me.
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
I'm just so blown away by him, and how much of an advantage he's got to be willing to face his fears like that. Makes me wonder what God has in store for him.
We are still on the search and in the questions of: to buy or to rent, to ghetto with community, or on our own, or wait for a miracle in our area to show up, 2 bedroom or 3 bedroom, and I'm positive God has a place, we just get to run into it.
I've been practicing on the djembe drum, that's frigging fun and addicting! I'm pounding to music I listen to and just trying to find my own beat. My hands and wrists are sore just from tonight, man I beat that thang! It felt sooooooooooo good.I'm also playing during church to get in some practice too. Thank God I'm with a group that understand the learning process!
Saturday, September 09, 2006
Asa has been a terror lately. I don't even want to go into the details right now. But man, this kid better straighten up NOW, because I have no patience or tolerance for the crap he's been doing.
I'm exhausted, I feel like a fool, I'm stressed, and I just feel pissed off right now because I'm allowing myself to feel and react this way.
Thursday, August 31, 2006
1. Started a new job and am coming up on my 2 month anniversary....and I must say this is the best job I have ever had!
2. Mikah is in 2nd grade at a local public elementary school and is loving it. His teacher always boasts about him and his reading skills. Mikah will be taking a test soon for a TAG (talented and gifted) program to see if he can get in, where he would be pulled out of class every now and then and do very imaginative things. He's also making a bunch of new friends, one I met today and he even wrote a story about Mikah for homework, how cute!
3. Kiara is in Pre-K. She lves it very much, and also is making new friends. She has a bunch of things in her class that she can play very imaginatively with. Also she is learning how to write and recognize letter sounds, shapes, and colors. She goes all day like Mikah. Her allergies have been getting bad these past couple of weeks, and when they are very bad, she gets a verey high temperature...my poor baby.
4. Asa is home with daddy.....these two boys are really enjoying each other, and getting to know each other in a whole new world. Very new and cool.
5. We are taking the steps of moving. Putting our trust in God to help us get out of this home. We have been battling with fleas and roaches for quite the while, they won't DIE and stay dead. Also there is some water damage I'm concerned about mildew or something from a flooding in the apartment next to us. It is very visible on our wall. I have noticed that about an hour after Kiara returns from school to home, her allergies seem to be worse than when she arrived. Maybe just my imagination, but that's how it appears, I'll be keeping an eye out for her.
Moving....hmmm.... We have no money and the area we want to be in is ridiculously priced, other than the place we are trying to leave. Also moving is stressful and mind crunching. But I really feel God is nudging us out, so we put in our 60 day notice to vacate and if we can't find something by september, then we'll retract the notice and hang here until tax time....we'll see what God has in store soon enough.
6. Mikah is now officially signed up for cub scouts. This is very fun and exciting stuff. I can't wait to see what this year has in store for him. Busy busy busy.
7. I signed up for a class at El Centro College today for Beginners Spanish class on Saturday mornings. This is a very wise thing for work, and I'm hoping it'll help out a lot in communicating to the ladies at work. Oy, I'm going back to school. Good thing its only one class, I think I would be ripping my hair out otherwise.
8. My wonderful father-in-law adjusted the throttle on my car or something and it has become soooo much easier to drive. I still need to practice, but it'll come to me soon enough. Please pray my body will stay cool enough with out getting heat sick. It doesn't have A/C and it gets to be 106 degrees down here.
9. Karaoke night, Monday nights at the Tippery Inn just down the road from us. So many God opportunities there.... a community is already there and I feel led to become a part of it. I see henna, karaoke, and Christ in a bar. Awesome.
10. I will be having wisdom teeth surgury as soon as I get my other teeth taken care of. This is a heavy thing because of our finances, but I believe we can hack it for awhile.
I'm sure there's something I'm forgetting, but oh well, that is all for now. Much love to you all.
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
1. I have been entertaining In-Laws, which has been fun!
2. I have been trying to adapt to our new go-go-go routine with the children in school
Yeah this may take awhile.
3. I forgot
4. I have three kids, well four if you are like me and count your hubby ;)
5. EXHAUSTED in my mind
6. Depression is kicking my butt
7. oh yeah did I mention my three kids??
Much more to come...not enough time now.
Sunday, August 20, 2006
Game night/day was today/night. It was fun. We played Crazy 8's and Life. We have to do this regularly and get some more games too. I love playing games, so do the kids. Any ideas out there for family nights? I'm searching for something that we all can do together that would be fun and cheap. Ooooh, pictionary for kids.....Uno, dice....I think Mikah knows how to play poker, go fish, and maybe rummy. Okay enough rambling.
So to the important grown-up talk....Asa just farted, and he giggles and says, "I far-weed!" Too cool little man, too cool.
I watched V is for Vendetta last night and it was pretty good. Makes you think of what the future holds, and how it will compare.
I see it very likely, unfortunately, just because of how much media can fog reality, yet so many people take the media's word for truth.....hmmm. Just watch it...it's good for the thinking.
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Monday, July 24, 2006
I've been seeking something to lift my feelings up, to exercise my emotions, but I am finally realizing, God doesn't want my emotions to be exercised by the Glossy world.
I need it by servicing Him. By actually going through it and living. What sucks about this is there are somethings you just don't want to experience because it's painful and hard. I don't know where I'm going with this, but I mostly wanted to let you all know I'm taking a break. I'm hoping to be able to occupy my time where it's really needed.
Sunday, July 23, 2006
Well, Wednesday is a day to celebrate. 4 years (feels like 8) of marriage. Wow...that's pretty cool. It's so amazing what we as a couple have been through, and even more amazing what we as a family have been through. It's good to look back and see God's hands in situations where it seemed hopeless....yet here we are.
I went to the worship ending of the Tribal Awakening last night....I almost didn't go. My depression was sinking me and other things as well. But a friend talked me into going, and so I went with the older kids. It was just what I needed. To just lay all this crap down and let it go. Somethings still seem clingy, but even for that moment of time. I felt free. I crave this freedom for a permanent rest area.
Thursday, July 20, 2006
I'm feeling a tad bit emotionally tired. I felt this way BEFORE I decided to watch some chic flick movies. Those actually really helped me let it all out. I hate crying, I always have. It makes me feel like a really horrible person, or stupid, or weak. I honestly don't really remember how this got imprinted into me, but it is. One thing I realize is that I bottle things up when I should just let it go. I'm actually better at this than I use to be, but there's still a lot of work to be done. I don't hold in anger....that's one thing..the first thing I've learned to release. But sometimes it's that deep sadness from the absolute unknown that grips me. It's frustrating, though, especially when you don't want to feel like that. When you just want that feeling of joy. The movies really helped me though. I was able to just relax and enjoy them, but also appreciate the kind of stories they told. Those stories that just pierce you and make you really think about the kind of person you are, and the kind you want to be. I'm not talking like: I want to be a superstar. I'm talking about having more patience, being kind and patient even when you just don't feel like it, and keeping your nerve when its time to do the right thing.
I desire and will always desire to become a better person. I'm thankful there's always room for improvement.
Yes, I'm writing while I'm in an emotional state, and yes I'm talking about it. Some may not like it or think it's right, but there are those who may read it and finally feel that sensation that they are not alone, and get some sense of comfort in just knowing that. But dear reader please know this, it's normally after I write this and release it, that it's gone from me, and I am refreshed. I pray it'll be the same for you after you are done reading.
It's so amazing to me what people go through in thier lives. I have heard so many 'Oh, man I hope that's not true" kind of life stories that unfortunately are true. Breaks my heart.
I guess that' where I'm at right now. Just trying to be very thankful for what I do have and for what I have experienced.
Thursday, July 13, 2006
Yay, it's over! Mikah right now is feeling much better, the other two are calmed down, and I'm about to crash into bed while entrusting my wonderful hubby to take care of the rugrats. Or at least I hope ;) Though tonight was hard, I'm very happy Mikah is feeling better.
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Monday, July 10, 2006
The past couple of days have just felt overwhelming to me. Hormonal, yes, but there's definitely a struggle going on that I'm not clear on what and why. I feel like I'm on the edge, not sure if I need to jump, stand, or turn back and retrace my steps. Boy, do I crave for some of God's fullfillment.
Work has been going really good. Though there are times when I'm just not sure if I'm doing a good job or not, but I think that's mostly my fears trying to pearce through. Somedays its really hard to talk with my boss, yet others, it seems like that's so easy.
If you desire to pray, pray for peace inside me. I'm at a loss of the feeling of ease. I feel as though I have been on the go for awhile....this may be my own doing, but a lot of the things I'm doing is important......so whatcha gonna do?
Sunday, July 09, 2006
Friday, July 07, 2006
Spaz, freak, bitch, horrible mother, disgusting wife, apathetic daughter, slacker, ignorant, not worthy of God, hippacrit.........
These are some of the things the enemy is trying to convince me that I am right now. And I'm struggling a tad with it being so heavy. But this is beautiful.....why??? Because I am ONLY struggling a tad. I am able to recognize these lies for what they are, and haven't wasted much time in the resistance. I use to just sink totally into it, and granted there will be days again like that, but today is beautiful, because during this time, I just crave God and Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. I am promised freedom from this oppression, and He will deliver.
I think all I need right now is energy...
This was my first almost full week (july 4th, no worky) and its tiring trying to adjust to that, and then come home and work on the house.....Oh yeah, I have needy kids too....hmmmm.
I want you to look at the above picture. I drew this the night of our 24 hour Prayer session. I was just drawing, and I ended up drawing this. Not with sad upset thoughts, but of overwhelming joy. So overwhelming that the tears have to flow, in order for the whole emotion for Christ and His mercy and grace can shine thoroughly. I drew this before I realized who I was drawing. On the way home from Austin I learned who this person was.....it was me. That trip to Austin changed a lot about my view of the God I follow, and it changed it for the better. I always desired to follow a God who still reveals His power today, a God that is quirky, and gets your attention.
I recently watched End of the Spear. My heart just totally opened up, and poured out. Tears were flowing. This is such a powerful movie. I can't find the words to express the emotions I went through watching this movie. I was told people have said this is the best movie they will never watch again......for myself, I disagree. I'm actually watching it again tonight.
Good night, and may God shine through you to those around you, may it be your children, or strangers.
Monday, July 03, 2006
Does this remind you of something? We want things the way we want them, yet we soooo desire to be free. God wants us to let go of that control freak inside, that desire to have to have things our way, to just let it go, and allow God's freedom to surround us lovingly.
He was frustrated, he was determined, he was despaerate, he let go. It didn't happen the way he wanted it to, but in the end it was the best way it ever could have happened.
Sunday, July 02, 2006
On a much brighter note, the craft show I did yesterday was a great success with my henna. I did henna tattoos for a charge, offered up my skirts, wrap pants, shirt and purses I had sewn up, my candle votives, and crosses. My friend was selling her beaded jewelry. I made a decent amount. I was actually shocked. It was fun though, I haven't had much of a chance to hang out with my frinds forever and to have two days in a week where we hung out for long hours at a time, that was sooooo worth sitting in the heat. I missed my girls :)
On the kid/pain in the bum note, Mikah cut my hair as I was typing earlier, and while I was doing dishes, Asa snagged the container of rice and walked throughout the living room and dining room unnoticed, spreading rice everywhere while he munched on it. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. These kids need either some kind of device that prevents them from doing such things. Like say Mikah goes to hit his sister, but his hand isn't able to get but an inch or two from her....yeah that would be awesome. Dreams can be nice ;)
Saturday, July 01, 2006
July 1-2 & 4, 2006 - FESTIVAL - Garland: Star Spangled 4th. Let us capture your imagination, wow you with the spectacle, and create memories for a lifetime. Welcome to Garland's award-winning Star Spangled 4th celebration, a five-day extravaganza in historical downtown Garland featuring music, food, crafts, and non-stop entertainment for all ages. Don't miss our spectacular evening parade, exciting midway, arts and crafts, auto show, motorcycle show, and more. Nightly choreographed fireworks and laser and light shows. Fun exhibits and attractions. Cost: Free admission and parking. Location: Historic Downtown Garland. www.starspangledfourth.com
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
It'll still be challenging I'm sure, but I really feel I'll like this job, and do it well. I also feel very confident that God has His hands in this job. And that just feels awesome.
I've been invited to join a friend's booth at a craft show this Saturday. I'm making purses, and decorating candle votives and also I'm making up henna kits, as well as I plan to offer my henna designer services. I also will bring what clothing items I have sewn in the past. I hope to sew up some skirts and wrap pants real quick before hand as well. I think Friday night will be a long one, for sure. But I'm really excited about it all, and hope to bring in at least enough cash for the next show they have as well as enough to cover what I paid for in supplies. That would mean that the next show will be all profit...I can deal with that. Either way this is good for me, and I hope to do this once a month or so.
Sunday, June 25, 2006
Friday, June 23, 2006
Not doing so good today. I can't seem to change my pissy attitude. I feel aggravated and depressed, and I'm also struggling with a head cold that has migrain tendencies. (sigh)
I wish I could stop the thoughts that are going on inside my head. I wish I had the patience to deal with today. Or even the chance to sleep the rest of it away.
Asa is sounding worse and worse. I'm worried about him. I think I need to get him checked out. Babies can get scary really fast when they are sick. We'll see how he does after a steam room to help loosen up his chest.
Thursday, June 22, 2006
Man, it's rough when everyone in the house is sick. Poor Asa sounds horrible. He cries almost everytime he coughs. On top of that, Scott and I aresick, so that just makes taking care of our babes more difficult.
Well, I have a new job!!! Yay! It's from that ebay guy (if confused, read earlier post). I'M EXCITED. I really feel God's hands in this and that is just so comforting.
What is also comforting is that thought of not having to rush into something right now. To just walk into His presense knowingly and just breath it in. I'm learning a lot about living in worship for Him. With Him.
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
It's been 5 days without a cigarette :)
Monday, June 19, 2006
This is where I grabbed my daughter,her bag and mine, and the worthless piece of sheet I had, and left. I walked out of the door, and that's when those stupid tears started to flow. I hate to cry, this is something I just can't stand to do, but hey, I'm human and it happens, because sheet happens (thanks Kelly) I go down the elevator, walk acrossed the construction and everything to the forever far away parking lot, while carrying the princess and crying uncontrollably. I finally get to the car, put lil miss in, buckle her up, get in my side and just start the car. I sit there, still crying, really trying to stop. I just breathe...and Kiara asks me what's wrong. I told her I was tired and wished the doctor would see her.
I decided to take her into ER and at least get something for tonight, in case she really needs it. I took her, knowing that she was doing okay at that moment, and I told the doctors this, they gave us everything we needed plus more that will last a month. They treated us very good, and talked very openly with us, and even taught us a lot.
We left, feeling really good. We went to fill our prescriptions and it takes FOR-E-VER. And all it was was three inhalers and a box of medicine for the nebulizer.
I get home, hang out with my wonderful friend, who watched my boys, eat dinner, then Asa happened. Actually his bum and it's explosive devices happened. I have to chase him around and under the table. I finally lure him out from under there with a ball, his own personal addiction, then I grab him and put him on the couch. Poo-filled diapers are no fun, but they are especially no fun when you don't realize you put your hand in it, and go to scratch you face, and THAT"S HOW YOU FIND OUT! Oh My GOSH! You want to talk about a spastic mother in the bathroom....yeah that was me you heard screaming like a little girl :) SOOOOOOOOOO GROSSSSSSSSSS! Thank God for antibacterial soap.
Sunday, June 18, 2006
I have new pictures up in Flickr. Go to my right side bar. :)
We took Scott and Paul to Six Flags with the kids today. That was very fun. It was hot, we took Asa, he had fun too. We couldn't stay too long because Kiara's asthma and Scott had to work.
On the way home was tiring until this car went to swerve out of the way of falling items as big as a car bumper......they tried to correct, but overcorrected, then overcorrected again as they were trying to fix the first overcorrection.....yuck. That could have been so much worse than it was. They are alright, and so...I take it, is everyone else. That's just some scary stuff when you are on the freeway..very scary.
Thursday, June 15, 2006
It's so hard to watch your baby go through that. I know she's 4, but she's still my lil babe. She got scared that she was turning into a monster, because her voice and breathing was really rough and screechy. I told her that wasn't true, because she's on God's side, and He takes care of His children. I prayed over her while we were steaming the bathroom and doing breathing treatments, and when I was done, she just looked up at me with a very peaceful look, and just smiled so big. She's such a brave little girl. I hate that she has asthma, I hate it hate it hate it. Her daddy and her prayed about it this morning, and I guess she's been pretty good on breathing today. She's getting raspy right now, though. I already gave her two treatments. I'm going to have to take her to the doctor and push for a nebulizer. It'll save us some trips to the ER I think. I've been asking a lot of Dallasonians who have asthma about which helps the best during those really bad attacks, and all of them say the nebulizer does the job best. An inhaler is really good for on the go stuff.
At least she's got a really cute backpack for her inhaler stuff on the go :)
Please pray for her, she gets scared and worked up when these attacks happen. Pray for healing, bravery (for all of us), wisdom, and for less and less ozone days.We now know she shouldn't go outside when its level red...which may be a lot this summer.
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Man if you aren't mowing your lawn, you were raking your leaves, if you were doing all of that, your care was buried in a bumload of snow. Plus that white stuff is just COLD. I'm pretty sure I'm warm blooded, so that mean my coats aren't natural.
Anyways. Off to do the do.
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
So I had a job interview today...it wasn't planned. Let me tell you the story:
About a week or so ago I was called for a job interview for an office job at this maid service, doing customer service and whatnot. Well, this was the day after I found the independent contractor job...which isn't working out the way I thought it would, by the way. Any ways, I felt good about the freedom with the contractor job, so I called back and canceled the interview. Well, about three days after my job at the contractor job was suppose to start (but didn't) I was shaking in my boots (ok not boots, sandals, I'm not considered a full blown texan yet ;) ), so I called the man back and asked about setting up another interview with him. We set it up and I went....but not inside. It wasn't an office, but a condo, and I was taken back by it and had some fears about meeting a stranger in his home. I prayed with a friend and then tried to call him to ask him about it, but he didn't answer. I then had a rush of fear, and just decided to go home.
Well, due to our financial situation and cluttered house, I decided to put some things on ebay. On one of my auctions, a person asked me if they can just pick up the item, since they live in Dallas, I said yes. Well, that person bid on the item, and won it later. When I looked at the information on the email ebay sent me, his address and name was on it for shipping purposes. THIS WAS THAT GUY I WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE THE INTERVIEW WITH...........yeah I know, right!
So I prayed through this and decided this is way too big of a coincidence. Keep in mind this all happened in a week and a half. So I decided I was going to be totally honest with him. I told him when we met in person and we sat down at Starbucks (where we met) and just had a very good conversation. I was honest about why I didn't go to the interview, and about everything. We talked about the job a bit and decided to set up an interview for another time. Then we talked some more and soon he asked if I was actually available at the moment for the interview to be held at the condo. I was, so we had the interview, it went extremely well, and as long as my references and criminal background checks out, then I've got the job!
Monday, June 12, 2006
Sunday, June 11, 2006
So with that being said I can't tell you specifics, but I an share little tidbits.
We were going there to meet this guy we have never met, but our good friend has. I wasn't sure if it was him I needed to talk with before we even got there, but I believe it only took like ten minutes, if that, to just totally know, without a doubt, he was definitely supposed to be a part of this day.
So this man's wife the day before we came or more, found a bird's nest that had fallen from the tree. Inside were three baby birds not quite ready to fly from the nest, but you knew it was close because of the momma bird was just fluttering around in a near-by tree calling them while jumping from branch to branch. Scott and I were showed these birds and the momma before we went into his house. Inside were three people praying,talking, and totally seeking God's fullness. A message was told, a decision was made, when we were walking out of his house, the man gasped and said we had to see something. We looked in the nest the baby birds were in and ALL THREE BABIES HAD FLOWN THE NEST! There we were, 3 children of God hearing our Father's call, and after being obedient and listening, and deciding to fully go to Him, we were able to fly to Him. At least that's the message I got and it's so beautiful, I'm holding onto it. :)
This one's kind of funny. The man was giving me directions on the phone while I communicated(or at least tried to) to Scott who wrote it down. Well, there's a freeway we needed to get on called Loop 1 and I said that outloud, so Scott wrote down what he heard....which was actually LUKE 1. When it come time to reflect on the directions to use them, we looked at that. I corrected the loop/Luke 1. We get there and we all start talking, introducing ourselves, and just learning about each other. About ten minutes into it all, the man was saying how he felt really led to read LUKE 1, and he told us a quick summary of the story and boy how it totally related to Scott and I on many terms! It was absolutely amazing. But it's hilarious how God drops those little words like He was in the car with us.
One more little bit...I was explaining how I throw henna parties and what not, and the man just stopped me, to let me know henna is in the Bible. I finished my story while he searched for it. He found it in Songs of Solomon 1:13 and 4:13. That was just really awesome to know. Well, on the way home I had seen a flashing red billboard that had the word henna on it. It was a car dealership. Hmmmmmm. Made some thinking go on, but not for long. Another 10 miles I saw another billboard with the word Henna on it......yeah...that's all I'm going to say about that.
We also got to meet up with a friend of ours while down there. We had great conversations, caught up with what's going on with each other, and just ate some food. It was really nice to catch up. We had met her, along with almost everyone we hold close to our hearts, through the internet space. It was just really good to connect with her and finally meet her last year, then go camping with her and her boyfriend.
It really was a great day to start this next year of my life :)
Saturday, June 10, 2006
One of my big concerns with this job is that it hasn't been producing as much work as I had hoped so far. Shall I sit and quiver....not today. I have made up some business cards for my own little shin-dig on the side, hopefully to become to main dealio. I will offer housekeeping, dog walking and henna parties....I know I have to be unique, right? :) So if you know anyone in the Dallas area that needs any of these services, have them email me :)
So I've been curious if doing this kind of work will turn me into a clean freak...... we'll see soon enough!
Thursday, June 08, 2006
Birthdays are happening these next 4 days. Mine is Saturday, and Mikah's is Monday. He's going to be 7 years old. Man, this is where I FEEL old. Not having myself, another birthday, but having been a mother for 7 years. Man, when I'm 37, he will be 20 :o
Okay I'll stop right there.....hee hee. I don't need a heart attack or anything!
For Mikah's birthday we hope to take him to six flags(yay for getting season passes forever ago!) and try somehow, sometime to throw him a birthday bash with the community. Too cool, huh? He's got some sonic the hedgehog plush toys coming, gifts from family, that he's going to thoroughly enjoy. Wowza!
Also I have work tomorrow! yay! I can make money, we soooooooo need right now.Thanks God!
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Scott and I are taking a trip to Austin this coming Saturday (my birthday...yeah!party! okay, maybe not, but still we have an adventure) without any kids. Let me repeat that....WITHOUT KIDS!!!!! Some awesome people in our community are willing to take over the kids for the time we are there. THANKS YOU GUYS!
Its an adventure for many reasons, but mostly because we're going without knowing what's going to happen or what we are going to experience. I've felt for over a month now that I needed to take this trip...not sure why, just need to. But even set that aside we have never been to Austin and are hoping to meet up with some great people down there. Plus we have freedom to explore this city I've heard some great things about.
I'm hoping to visit the Austin House of Prayer while down there, and maybe take part in a time period... we'll see.
If any of you know a place in Austin that's cheap/free that would be fun, let us know. Thanks.
Friday, June 02, 2006
I thought I was supposed to start my new job today, but I guess they didn't have anything for me today. I'm supposed to call them tomorrow morning. Hopefully they have something for me then. It sucks because it starts all of these uneccessary worries and thoughts that just mess everything up other than just trying to trust God with our lives. I love God like crazy and it drives me nuts that I fall back with my trust. I think my problem today especially is that I don't feel good and with that comes a comfort-frustration all in its own. Today's a good day for praying your guts out, then stopping to listen and feel His grace.
Thursday, June 01, 2006
What I found really awesome was that there was a small group of birds right outside that were singing all night.
We had a henna station, where you could henna yourself as you prayed. A prayer painting station where you can pray while you paint or paint your prayers out. There was a basket of scrap paper wher eyou could write out your prayers and place them on the wall, so others could pray it too. We had visuals set up all over, we even had a prayer session in the bathroom, where you can stand and look at yourself in the mirror, confess what you see and then pray to God and ask Him to reveal the truth and allow you to see it.
During the day it seemed to change, but that was okay. The older kids decided to become a part of it. Kiara prayed out loud, and Mikah wrote down some prayers. Plus they both decided to draw pictures for God and put them up on the wall. That was really neat to see.
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
I'm also looking forward to the space of our place being changed, not really much physically, but spiritually. Granted this is house or shall I say apartment... that belongs to God, but during this time we will not only still lift it to Him, but ask for His beautiful voice and breath to be upon it, inside it and all around it.
I'm not sure who all reads my blog, but if any of you out there want/neep some prayer, you can email me at: kiwijasmyn[at]yahoo[dot]com
Now I best get off here so I can enjoy the day with my older kidlings, better do it before my next job starts.
Monday, May 29, 2006
You know it truelly is amazing what you can live without....especially knickknacks and decorating items.
Saturday, May 27, 2006
I feel as though I'm running towards something God is inspiring as well as pushing for, but I'm not clear as to what this is to become, or even be similar to. Many times I've wanted to just stop pursuing this "running" to just breathe. Unfortunately if I do that I really feel I would be jumping off of the course God really desires me to pursue. I just want to give God the deal of if He lets me know, then I'll continue....yeah..right. I wanted to cancel the 24 hour prayer session coming soon... but its mostly due to the fear of not being able to accomplish what it is He desires me to get from it. He is gracious and merciful, I know this. And because of this knowledge I will press on with the running. I need His courage and encouragement, as well as the faith to press on.
I also feel as though there's something I'm not doing, that I'm supposed to be doing. I am hopeful I will find this out and begin to fill this empty cup of mine by allowing Him to do so however He desires me to go about that....if that makes sense.
Here's to running off cliffs and flying helplessly into His arms. Thanks Justin for that picture.
Friday, May 26, 2006
I was offered an interview for an office job today. Working 8a-2p 30 minutes away answering phones and handling clients. I turned it down. Yeah it "looks" better than cleaning up people's homes, but I wasn't at peace with it. I wouldn't have the flexibility, or the close driving, or the options of making more money....or the flexibility, yeah I'm really won over with that one alone.
I just feel really great about the contractor job. It was very nice to be encouraged though by another interview.
Oh my goodness gracious......calm down mom, he's really beating himself up about this...calm down mom, these kids are hurt...calm down mom pretty bandaids cure everything.
I talk with Mikah as I do the bandaging of the kidlings. Everyone survived, and all is well. And the coolest thing of all other than no broken bones, is that I was able to keep my cool, instead of screaming like they were.
Thursday, May 25, 2006
I'm so thankful I am able to pray for them.
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
I'll get paid decent in the the beginning, but after awhile I get raises and bonuses, as well am able to accept tips. What's really cool about this job is that it's a definite God-given job. It really has His signature written all over it. First of all I would have never applied to this kind of job, not because of pride, but mostly because of the bad representation of pay these hard workers get. Well I was looiking through the employment guide, and as I scanned over it, something struck my curiosity about it. All it said was housekeepers needed, and then the number, but it really stuck out to me. Well I called and talked with the lady on the phone, who was pleasant and she asked if I could come in for an interview this morning. Wow....really? So I was curious, and I asked what I needed to bring, she said a liscense and a social security card. Really...wow they must need people bad, is what I was thinking.
I go in and I read a couple of pages about who they are, what they do, and all that, and I felt really impressed, and even more curious. So I sat down and talked with her some more, then she laid it all out for me, asked me if I was interested in doing the job, and I just felt extremely comfortable with saying yes.....so I did. Wow. I got a job. and I'm my own boss. Cool.
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
I checked out 7 eleven....just because its super close. The manager there was giving me the process of how to get hired there, and man.....they have got a lllloooonnnnngggg process. It amazes me people actually go through it to work there.
I wrote a song today with my friend Andrew, it was very cool. I've never written a song with someone's music before, it was fun. Probably won't be famous, but it would be great for worship at church.
now i get to figure out some online applications. yay.
Monday, May 22, 2006
What the....how the....why the.....?????
Yeah, this is getting ridiculous.
Sunday, May 21, 2006
I apologize for any misunderstandings for the above. What I want to say is simple, but complicated...just like the Big Jesus guy.
*Love each other, love each other openly like you are best friends, totally unconditionally through thick and thin, burnt and crispy. This is very simple and understanding to say and hear, but doing it is the hardest thing to ever accomplish. To expose ourselves like that to allow someone to love us is rough, but also to love someone that drives you crazy, you don't 'click' with, that you never met......wow, that's difficult. Will we succeed thoroughly, probably not, we aren't Jesus, but through Him we can learn how to if we ask and then trust that He will provide.
*Keep your understanding of Jesus in simple, plain language. Have that kind of explanation available....you'll never know who will need that, instead of the large theologian explanation. I never knew Jesus to speak to people in a way they couldn't understand them, this is one of the biggest reasons He spoke in parables a lot of the times. We drop our seeds everywhere, whether it be at church, here on our blogs/emails, in the grocery store, on our death bed. We are living our testimonies. Now that you have a simple explanation, ask God to use it....to use you.
*The last thing I need to say and really press on is limiting God. Wow....how in the heck can we do this??? He is the maker, controller, the creator...HE IS IT! How in the world is it possible for us to put limitations on HIM???
Do we ever stop God from doing His thing? No, but we have a say on whether or not we are a part of it. I'm not sure about you, but I don't want to miss out on nothing! Anytime that I can be a little grain of sand in God's ginormous plan, I'm all about it. We have choices to make, to jump or not when He calls, to help that mean old lady that always screams at us, when she drops her things in the road, to give a homeless man some food and drink, to listen to someone's tears and lend a shoulder, but also to not seek His desires for you. And believe me when I say this, He has grand desires for you. When you are out of a job, or have a ministry that is struggling, or a relationship tearing apart, have the faith to ask Him to be in it totally! Also have the faith to believe He can and will help. Want to serve God, but can't find a way to do so? Ask God to drop it in your lap! Whatever He may have in mind.
I do want to add, from my own experience, that God has a huge sense of humor, so any specifics are good, just keep in mind while asking, He's got humor too.
Got kid/s? Young mothers/parents have a hard time when their children are young feeling as though they are serving God. Its hard, every hour of everyday is unexpectable, unplanned, and almost chaotic. Kids are screaming, running all over the place, making messes, taking off their diapers, and smacking each other....wow how am I going to find the time to do the dishes...(sniff sniff) or bathe myself! HEE HEE! Let alone do some kind of ministry or free up the time to do God work.
Now with those images in your head, take a breath...no take several relaxing breaths.
Those kids are your very own little disciples. You are the biggest influence in their lives...if you choose to be such.
I struggle with this still. Dang it, my baby still jabbers at me! How can I have a real conversation with him!?! I just talk to him, like any other kid, but the real deal is going to be when he is older in an understanding age. Bring Jesus and God up now, and keep doing so, then when speach comes, the questions will too, and that's when it gets really awesome.
Also, live missionally together as a family. Have people over for meals, tea/coffee, games(this is a great way to get to know people and have fun!), just reach out. You know that one person that just looks lonely, you may just have a hello, and goodbye relationship with....invite them over for something....movie, henna, games, kid play. Some other way for parents to get out and about is by allowing their kids to be ice breakers with people. Kids are awesome for this...they are naturals at it. They don't even have to try! I don't suggest going out to eat at restaurants... its expensive, stressful, and can be very distracting and loud. Home gatherings are far more personal, cheaper, and enjoyable. It also seems to be a great way of showing someone's importance to that person when you invite them into your home. Can't afford a meal, get a potluck going where everyone brings something. not enough table space? Have a picnic on the floor, in your yard, on your porch.
Okay, wow, that was a lot.
By the way: As of right now, my toddler thinks its really cool to stand on his chair, jump, then in midair roll so when he hits the floor he'll be on his stomach instead of his back. better go.
At church we are doing story tellings instead of teachings....which is a great way of doing a teaching by learning from someone's testimony. Its a break to stop and smell the flowers of everyone, to stop moving forward and find out in every aspect possible what's growing, how it's growing, and where its growing to. It's also very awesome for us because we don't really know everyone's story, and this is a great way of finding out.
I'm trying to learn how to rely totally on God, this is a life-long process and a series of events, but in this season and this moment that's what's up. Trust Him to provide, trust Him totally to guide me. It can get challenging, but I press on with giving Him my concerns and worries. How He has taken care of us in the past has been amazing, why am I worried now? What's funny is that I'm not really stressing right now, but I see the fear coming somehow, anticipation sucks. But its good that I see it coming, so I can prepare for it and try to push it away as soon as possible.
Cheers to the Faith!
Friday, May 19, 2006
So I made my soup-stuff. I couldn't get Mary's mixin', so I threw in some stuff by smell....with Scott looking at me very wearily. I also threw in some pinto beans and potatoes.....this stuff is awesome! Especially with a tad sprinkle fo cheese. I left the hamburger out, in case Scott would actually eat it.
I have a week left at work.....wowza. I'm really glad, we are starting to have three trucks a week again starting this coming week, my last...yay. I can't do that crap anymore. My body barely works as it is at home, but when you mix that into it...nothing. No power, no energy. I actually tend to feel in the negative.
I started doing prayer scribbles in my sketch book. Its been very fun and interesting. I can't wait til we do 24 hours straight of prayer here. I want to set up, music, painting stuff, beading, tons of paper and wall space. There will also be a designated room for solitude, if I can find a babysitter.
Thursday, May 18, 2006
heeh hee hee! This is just hilarious to me. I always pick on Scott for his book addiction, and here I am.....oh well. A friend of mine had one of these books, and I read a bit of it and peaked at it, and I just knew there was something in there I needed to get. Then I researched other books by him on the same subject, and felt the same. By the way, if you knew me, you would know that books just aren't my thing, between kids, prior-bird-awakening work hours, the house and everything else, I just can't focus and study. So far, I've been able to read around the kids, luckily my purse is big enough to fit them in there.
So I think I just cooked a cow and a half just now. Gross. I haven't cooked beef in forever, let alone ate it. It'll be good for what I'm about to make. I'm going to have some rice, cook it in tomatoe paste and diced tomatoes with and hamburger chopped zuccini with the seasonings of crushed red pepper, and my friend, Mary's spice mix she makes....yummy.
I'm looking forward to my last day at work, its going to be interesting, yet also a sense of freedom. Everyone there is making me promise to come and have lunch breaks with them, that feels good. God has truely worked in that place with those people, and boy were the seeds planted. Now to trust God with the growing and make a habit of going for lunch there.
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
I'm actually excited, though, even though I didn't get it. God's working for me, and that just feels good. I'll find something soon enough...we'll be taken care of, we always have been tight in His arms. I can't wait to see what He has in store for us!