Monday, January 23, 2006

Sick, Asthmatic, Disobedient, Stressed, & Pnemonia

Yup, there's a word to describe the big little things going on with each member of our family. Technically we're all sick, but some more than others. Asa has pnemonia, Kiara has wheezing due to a newly learned asthma condition that hopefully won't return on a regular basis, Mikah is sick as well, but has been going through some crazy behavior issues that has the rest of the family worried, but he's getting better with a whole new system of discipline routines, Scott's stressed and worried about Mikah and the other sickos, and I've got the cold while trying to care for the whole fam, so I'm naturally stressed as well.

There's some light though.....our community has been soooooooooooo helpful during this time. While I had to take Asa to ER, some friends of our generously watched the other two. A day and a half later when we had to take Kiara to ER, other friends watched Asa and Mikah. Asa is doing better, he's back to his ornery self...still puny and grouchy, but he's not sleeping ALL DAY, which is fantastic. Kiara is okay, she had to go back to ER because of another flare up. She's been quite the trooper during this. I'm really hoping that after her cold has passed she won't have too many attacks. Luckily we've been told what to look for, frequencies of meds in emergencies cases, and all that. She's going to have a little backpack for her inhaler and spacer, but she can also put het favorie toys in there too. Call her Kiara The Explorer.

Mikah is also doing better, his cold is lightening up and he's listening better. He's been quite the battle lately, but it'll take some time to get back on track. Still doing great.

So there's that, and to me it all sounds loads easier to handle in written form. Luckily God has granted us an enormous amount of patience and great community to lean on. We'd be in pieces if it weren't so.

Sunday, January 15, 2006


I'm here with the feeling of needing to reach out to something. I'm still in the dark about the wait and I've got the feeling I'm to find out some information very soon. Everytime I get this gut feeling, something big happens. The last time I was sent a friend in a big need, and the time before that our family was sent here to Dallas, and before that, we moved to Indianapolis. Time will tell.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Sonic Here and There

i was on the computer ,looking at sonic picture's .cool huh ,and game's .sonic is cool a lot!!!!


Rough times for a smoother path ahead

Sometimes you have to deal with the cruddiest of the crud to get to the good. This is what we are dealing with in Mikah. HE's been really easily stressed lately and has been hitting, kicking, and totally screaming at us. He keeps going and each time there's something different to calm him. In the beginning, Scott and I absolutely sucked at dealing with him. Our reactions made it much worse, and it got sour and easily crazed the rest of the day. Tension and stress was at an extreme high, and our family was fighting to not only get along with each other, but to love each other. We forgot that loving each other and showing it is a choice, not a feeling, that we must make and renew each day. Of course we still struggle with this, but it's better than it was. We are talking more instead of disciplining more. We are trying to find new ways of communicating our aggravations and frustrations and our anger.

It's hard being a mom and a wife, and its even harder when they seem as though they confilct with the other. Scott and I have found this problem coming up here and there, but what is so great about it is that we both realize it now, and are working together on being the best parents we can be to teach these kids how to become the best people they can be.

I would be lying if I said, that I don't wanna run away at times when the heat is on, but that's when I call on my friends from our community to just let me get it all out in open honesty.

Unfortunately today Kiara has been repeating the same things Mikah has been doing, but there's hope in Mikah and his sister. They are both relearning how to just stop and say they are sorry with guidance. I feel eventually this will come about without parental assistence. There's also very much hope in these kids because they have so much compassion for each other and people around them. Three kids can be very overwhelming.....very, and I'm not about to say ever that it is an easy job. It's worth it though. You just gotta take one day, one hour each minute at a time and do the best you can. I write this now as a reminder for myself. These are our little disciples....our own help grow these guys with the knowledge of God and His love.

Saturday, January 07, 2006

Breakdancing at The Masquere Ball

Yup! That's my girl! She was totally breakdancing at the Masquere Ball last night at the Thames' . It was so awesome. She was grooving and twirling around all over the place like she owned it. She rocked the house. She was the only one dancing most of the time, reminds me of myself. SHe went as a princess.

Asa was quite the mingler. He'd wander from room to room being so good. Bonked his head a couple of times and got ran over twice, but all in all he was quite the trooper and had a great time. He was quite the dancer himself. He danced his tail off! He went as a sports fan.

Mikah went as a pteradactyl and showed it off very nicely. He danced with all of the girls too! He said he had a BLAST!

I was a hippie/gypsy Ezmerelda from Hunchback of Notre Dam. I put beads in my looked supa nice.

There were a lot of teens there and it was really cool. Though that was the oldest I have EVER was still good. A lot of great costumes and portraits, and great food and conversation.

An Open Moment

So last night when I posted I was still really upset and hadn't handed out the forgiveness I needed to. Well, after the forgiving process was done, I wanted to delete the post because I didn't want the post to recreate what had already been placed in the past. But the I read Danae's comment (thanks girl), and it reminded me of why I blog in all of my emotional states. I get it all out to reinsure everyone and myself that I'm not a candy-coated onion...especially not on my blog. I'm not going to put a pretty face on when my insides are cruddy. Why???? Because I will have a better walk with God if I am honest with myself and others. My every day will get better without anything dwelling and my family will also appreciate it better too. Peace to you.

Friday, January 06, 2006

Ranting Lunatic

Not in a swell mood. Yes, this is a rant, you may proceed at will.I feel like I just want to throw my hands up and walk away....but of course I don't. I will suck it up and keep trying to rearrange my mood to where it is enjoyable. And if I can't do that then I will just have to keep going anyways. Somedays I just don't want to care and run, but I do.....and that's that. I'm so glad we have a community that accepts us for us...our crappy life and crappy attitudes...even when we are at our most suckiest. Where we don't have to put smiles on our faces even when our insides feels like they've been torn to shreds.

Being a parent and wife is so hard right now, especially because I feel like the cruddiest parent and wife. I feel like I'm in a constant battle, and even though I want to just hide that battle, I refuse to. Absolutely refuse to. That's NOT the reason we came down here. We came down here to be exposed for ourselves and who we are, what we do, and to learn how to change where we need to and accept it even when its so friggin' hard to and then deal with it. We came here to LEARN. We are who we are, and act how we do, and God sees this. How can we hide that?????

Okay I'm done for now. Thanks for listening.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

a quote from dumbledore

"One of these days the time will come when one must decide from what's right and what's easy"

Sunday, January 01, 2006

What I'll be doing this year

Wow....2006 already. I have decided to do the 'read the bible in one year' . I had realized that I had NEVER read the whole bible. What a cruddy follower I feel like right now. So with this year I plan to discipline myself and read the whole bible this year. It'll be a great accomplishment and a learning experience as well.

I also realized I don't reach out to people the way I need to. This sucks....I wish I could say I'm doing everything I can for those in need that God places in my path, but that isn't the truth. I could be doing so much more. What really sucks about it is that it wouldn't take much more time out of my daily family living. At work, and around my neighborhood, I have been having random people at random times just opening up their hearts to me...their problems, worries, also the cruddy situations they have been through. All I have done is listened, and shortly after the conversation, do a silent prayer inside myself. But most of the time it has ended there. That feels not so good.

The other day I was praying, and it was the first in a couple of days. I was interrupted with a voice in my head saying, "welcome back, I missed you" I stopped praying for what I started to, and apologized to God for my slacking and laziness. I found myself continually asking for forgiveness and saying sorry. I was interrupted again, and this time He said, " I need you to do something for me" . I was excited and scared, but willing to hear. I waited and waited. The rest of the day, I found myself in meditation as I went throughout my day. It wasn't until the next day I was told to wait.

Now I wait, prayerfully and patiently. Now I keep my heart open, and my mouth shut. I don't ask about it. I only pray for others and my family's growth in patience, strength, my physical and mental well being. I feel this is my time for learning obedience on His terms.

This year will be interesting.