Sunday, February 27, 2005

Ode to Scotty!

yay for scotty....he learned to potty...or at least that's what i'm told.
he may have earned, and maybe learned...ahhh who cares...he's just OLD!


Friday, February 25, 2005

crazy moods and some scrambled thoughts

Tonite's been quite a swing dance with moods. Set aside my reaction with the kids, my inside is just exploding. Nothing bad, just feel confused about a lot of things. I feel like my heart is pulling me somewhere that seems out of reach. I've been trying to pray about it all, but I feel even more confused about it all right after. A leap of faith is needed, and that doesn't necessarily physically changing directions, but was is essential is to change my focus. Since we've found out about Scott's sis and everything it seems as though I've strayed off the path I was heading on and its really getting to me. I'm glad God never gives up on me, and knows what buttons to push on me. But I'm still confused on what to do and how. No matter the location I need to get involved with a community, regularly. But what? And how? Why is it the more I search for peace the more chaos tkes over? Can a peaceful life be lived fully for God? Is this possible as we are on this earth? I am who I am, I've been where I've been, I've seen what I've seen and believed what I believed. That cannot be changed and shouldn't ever be in consideration...........but I can choose not to change, but adapt into His greatness.

What will that look like?

Thursday, February 24, 2005



Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Wax OFF!!!!!!!!!

Ok, here's the gist of what happened. Got my dreads put in by my sis. We pulled an all nighter and still didn't get it finished as well some dreads were poorly done. Scott finished the untouched ones and I figured the rest we could work as we go. I used a little wax here and there, to keep the frizz down and make it all nice. Well, I decided to go somewhere to have someone help back comb the badly done dreads and wax it after. It took forever to find a place to do them, and when I finally found a place, I got scheduled in and went. I get there, and this french lady twists my dreads and throws some wax on. Unfortunately, I didn't realize how much wax she was using until it was all done. She freaking made candles out of my freaking head! So this past week I've been struggling to get this excess wax out of my hair. I've tried almost everything, with the exception of using an iron to them, (which if you ask my opinion I may as well cut them out now than do that!). Today I washed my hair, my scalp was killing me and I wanted to try pretty hot warm and soap as one of my last resorts. I soon come to the realization that this may be the end of my dreaded wonderland. I'm at the end of my rope with it. I love my dreads but this wax is going to ruin them. I'm about to run out and get me some lemon juice and vinegar, and if that doesn't work, them I'm going to have to chop them off :( I don't want to chop off my new little friends.

Monday, February 21, 2005

Scott's lil sis

I haven't blogged in awhile due to business and mostly for my loss of words. Not speechlessness, but there's been a lot of emotion going on inside me, and I really didn't want to send out the wrong picture. For days now, I've experienced at least 2 different kinds of emotions at once quite often. Managing two is quite an improvement. It took me awhile to get to this. I was at points where I just wanted to cry, hit something, and hide in a hole all at the same time. Making the decision to stay here in Indianapolis wasn't an easy one, but it was the right one. We couldn't go with Scott's sister just finding out she has cancer. Just typing that out gives me chills. She's just a year older than I am, and she has cancer. Yeah I know that even kids get cancer and age isn't really a factor, but doesn't mean its fair. Heck no cancer is fair. Sarah, his sister has surgury February 22 at 7:30 am. She's to have half of her colon removed,and they are also going to peak around to make sure the cancer isn't anywhere else. It sucks cause when I pray about it I get so many mixed feelings.....some peaceful and some fearful. Tuesday will be here very soon and we'll find out then what's all going on. I can't help but look up to God and ask Him, "what's up? What's going on? What is going to come from all of it?" But I'll know someday.....

Friday, February 11, 2005

A Child-like Fit

Today I've found myself struggling a bit with getting the two older kids to listen. They feed off each other's fits and it seems as if they try to gang up on me. The main thing I wanted them to do was to pick up their toys.....this is an on-going struggle. Its almost as if they think that if they just pick up one or two, then the rest will follow. Unfortunately this isn't so, and I find myself constantly getting onto to them about picking their toys up....making the whole process lasting hours, and me in a fit of rage. Then I find myself feeling like a horrible mother who just spent the day yelling at her kids. There have been days where Mikah has spent most of the day in his room because he just won't listen. I feel cruddy and at the end of my rope....out of ideas to get some discipline going in a positive direction.

My final conclusion today was to ground the kids from their toys for a couple of days. Only thing allowed to them are crayons, paper and books. They of course through an enormous fit during this, so I made it two days, and a time out for screaming at me. I'm having a hard time with this, but am going to stick with it. I give excuses for the way they behave....I'm trying to throw myself in the other direction. Hopefully this will work out to everybody's advantage.

Saturday, February 05, 2005

A Glorious start to a new year

I know January is done and gone, but I must say it has been a beautiful start in this awesome new year! I'm calling it Heather's Year of self-taught creations and journey to God's light......or something...hee hee!

So far I've taught myself how to sew, and have made and finished 4 well as I'm continuing to learn how to improve it. Also my sister has just taught me how to crochet.....I'm starting to get the hang of it and am also getting a lil addicted. I hope to be able to make scarves and beanie tihgt hats with it, and who knows maybe a blanket sometime! This may be a nice little trade that'll come in handy later. Next I'm going to learn how to batik and tie dye. I know how to tie dye already, but not with specific designs....I've never really liked the look of them. Once I get a washer and dryer, I'll be able to teach myself how to do all of that! Which I technically already know, just waiting on the washer and dryer...yay!

I got my beautiful dreaded hair now, and am contemplating a new piercing to go with this fabulous year of new changes. Not sure yet....I might go ahead and get it done in Dallas after I've found a job....I don't want to mess with that area. Granted there are probably a ton of jobs I can do with a piercing, but a job should come first.

Kristen asked me once what I would like to do for the time I was so focused on sewing....that's what I told her, but the more I think of it, the only way I'd do that for work is if I had friends to sew with....I'm a people person...I crave people, so it would only be a good idea to find a job around people.

I've searched my heart, and one place I have always set my heart towards are pregnant teens. I was just 17 when I had Mikah, and have been through a great deal during that time. I was extremely lucky God had chosen the best father for my child.....someone who would stick around, and love him no matter what.....someone who would later become my bestest friend in the whole world.....someone who would later become my partner in crime for life...not only that but my family was extremely supportive as well.I was very lucky. A lot of girls don't have that. A lot of girls have to do it alone. I would love to be somewhere to work hands on with those girls. I think that would be awesome. I pray for that, but also pray for God to put me where I can make relationships with all different kinds of people. I'm so thrilled, yet scared as to what God is doing with the lil Miller fam.

the locks have arrived!





After a great amount of pain, and long withstanding hours of being teased and razzled, my little ones have arrived. I still have 7 more to get done, because 14 hours worth didn't quite cut it. Hopefully tomorrow will be the finishing day!

Friday, February 04, 2005

Whoa......its really going to happen.......

Okay here goes a YAY! for unlimited excitement, and an OH SHIT for a time to have a human freak out session, and let me end it with a ginormous praise THANKS BIG MAN! for finally showing our next steps for this new year. It's kind of weird. I have all of these feelings hitting me at once.....I'm feeding off of it though. Yeah I have a great amount of worries trying to punch at me, but I throw them aside and try to focus on the reason. So here I am, trying my hardest not to get ahead of myself and try to calmly strategize this big move. This will get interesting.

I've already broke the news to our parents....Scott's mom was supportive, but bummed. My mom didn't say anything supportive, and kept making other suggestions about what would be better to do with the means of going. My brother and sister are spokenly supportive , yet quietly protesting.