Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Its about friggin' time!

Okay, so I can awake from my unspoken blog fast.....why did I fast???? Well, if you haven't noticed my last post was the day before the new Harry Potter book came out. I have refused to read anything on Harry potter in news, and such rumors and yadda yadda, becausse I can't bear to hear anything sucks the life out of books when this is done....yes, you know who you are who do this, and might I just add that you suck for it! ;)

Anyways I've just finished it...literally JUST. Its was good...very there's my input.

Also, more to go along with my title....Asa's walking all over the place! Its rocks! He's so much more talkative and mobile, and his character is just all over the place....

Also, at this very moment my family is on their way here to visit us. Its been quite the while since we've seen them, and it'll be very good to. My mom, sister,nephew and aunt are coming in tonite and tomorrow my brother is flying in....AND we are all fitting inside our 850 squarefoot apartment....2 bedroom/2 bath, so it'll get mighty interesting, and I suspect Scott will need to run away at least once a day to prevent prolonged damage.

It'll be good times. We have a wedding in the family, and it is also drawing in my cousin and her kids in from Arizona. I haven't seen mer in ten years, and never have met her children. It'll be a grand reunion, for my aunt, is her mother who hasn't met her latest grandson either.......can't wait!

Friday, July 15, 2005

Not too sure whether to start walking or running

So Asa has finally been taking steps without holding onto anything! Yeah baby! He's been getting more and more comfortable with standing by himself, and is starting to perfect it as much as he can. He gets all gitty and grins like a monkey and then his legs push him over to try to catch up with the rest of his body's excitement about standing. Too funny. I love being able to watch these beginning stages of life. Everything's so new and exciting..... every little thing is interesting.
What amazes me is that kids always know how to enjoy life. Scott and I are too uptight for these kids. I think its about time we loosen up and go a lil nuts with our kids.... like we did when they were was fun and free-ing.

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Oh How I suck

Today didn't go by very well. It began with everyone aggitated and just not wanting to cooperate with one another. It carried like that for all morning. Then I needed to escape, and when I came back, all was well. But then the evening came with a very loud bang. I feel like the suckiest parent tonight and I'm not so sure how to deal with it, let alone be okay with myself. My damn temper and edginess took over and I lost the image projection of the mother I want to be. What do I do? Right now I just want to cry. I'm so upset that I allow myself to get upset over certain things, yet its so damn hard to just work out a neverending problem with a three year old that thinks she can get away with yelling and kicking at you, without getting upset and frustrated. Its times like these when I wonder how God doesn't smack the living daylights out of us for just treating Him like crud. (sigh) It'll be good to go to bed and restart my family tomorrow.

Sunday, July 10, 2005

Aggravation, Breasts, and Trials

I'm kind of aggravated right now. About what???? Working on the knowledge of that as we speak. (sigh) it feels better just to get it out.

I've actually have had a great day. A good day at work and I got some things done at home as well.... a fulfilling day. Plus once I put the kids to bed I'm hoping to finish my newest creation . Or at least work on its finale.

Okay..... so I'm still nursing Asa, and he will be 11 months here soon....three days to be exact. Its become just a normality anymore, but here recently he has been cracking me and Scott up! When he gets his fill and is close to being done eating, he's been licking me! And While he eats he makes these 'slurping soup' sounds! Hilarious. He's a very sloppy eater, but definitely a good eater. HE's primarely on breast milk but occasionally he eats bread and drinks water. I'm sooooooooo glad I toughed it out. It has given him and us so much, let alone saved us so much money and fuss about bottles and formula. I've done that with the other two kids, it can be done and isn't too bad, but its just easier and more convenient not worrying about if we have his food or a container for him to eat out of. I must confess though that I am a little anxious for my breasts to retreive back their identity other than the food tubes. ;) But I can be patient.

So I've been through so trials here and there inside, but I think I'm finally seeing some kind of light. I was offered a promotion at work. This is secretly what I've been working towards, but was content if it never happened. Well, of course when offered I was thrilled and had no doubt if I would take it or not.... I was going to take it. Well this week I've been apathetic and just absolutely exhausted. I haven't been doing very well at work either. On top of that my boss is getting comfortable with me and is starting to show her true colors on how she treats her employees. Not very nice... and unfortunately she has lost a lot of my respect. Also to accept this new position I would have to sacrifice a lot of energy and create some additional everlasting chaos to the homestead. Not okay dokey in my eyes. At first I thought it was worth it, but I was only maintaining a focus on the money and the title. But That's not what we are about, and we don't need the money, God is taking care of us, and is providing just fine finacially. So no, I will not be taking the promotion, and truelly am at an exciting peace about that.

Jobwise, I really wish I could do something creative, or at least feed that side of me. Something I throroughly enjoy. Is this a pipe dream? Maybe, but we'll see what God has in store. I just hope that I will be content anywhere.

Well as we speak I am jamming to Green Day's new album, and Asa has just found the off button to the computer speaker, hence has also notice what is does, so he is now contually turning it on and off.....the booger/genius! See ya!

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

What's up

Bathed the kidlings, got some fabric, and need to clean......hmmm, yeah not enough energy to carry the rest of the day, but a girl must do what a girl's gotta do. I think I'll just compromise a couple of things, so I can get a lil of everything done. I know if I sacrifice one for the other, the other won't get done.....that's just how it always works.

I'm in a state where I just want to hide away for a week from the outside world. (sigh) but I know this could only start habits and hermit crab-ness desires. I feel like everything is always on full speed and if we just take a day to chill it all piles up like a wave and spills all over us. But we need and also desire to be a part of people's lives and build relationships....... this takes sucking it all up and filing the kids in the car seats to head over somewhere to have can be very exhausting just to put the kids in the car let alone doing it four times in five hours. ...... I'm not complaining I'm just venting out some stale air... get it out and release it, so I can have room for fresh sweet air to filter in.

I think Satan's been having a hayday with my exhaustion and trying to play with my thoughts on some things. Its really urking me in a variety of ways. Prayer rocks.

Sunday, July 03, 2005

Oh Selfish Days

Man, today I've been really wanting to dis into sewing, but it doesn't fit with the kids. They've really needed some play time with us, so yesterday and today I gave to them. We had a craft time, and made some fake stained glass non-sticker window thingies. Okay, yeah, sure, that makes sense. Either way we got to paint together at the table in a cool silence. Everyone was content and everyone was happy....even Asazilla. Rock on. It was good times and I don't regret giving up my desires for the kids every now and then.

I'm really getting into Kristin Hersh. Her stuff just rocks. I intimately enjoy her voice. Its rough but so feminine. I just friggin love it.

Well it's 9:16 PM and I'm worn out. I need to wake up tomorrow early, so I guess I must play old lady and head for bed. Wow its really 9pm and I'm beat and its been like this for the past week. Now I really feel old.