living in the moment

It's silent...almost too silent. Older kids are playing and coloring together nicely on the floor. The baby is sleeping and I was actually able to put some of the clothes away. The second after I start thinking, "this is going to be a good day" it happens. That one little dister that carries a domino effect. It all starts with a crayon. Kiara puts a crayon back in the tub where it belongs. Mikah's head does a 360 degree backflip, and all hell breaks loose. Mikah's screaming at Kiara, Kiara's screaming back, the baby wakes up and starts screaming. I attempt to go at it all calmly, but soon have to raise my voice just to get the older kids to acknowledge my existence. Finally there is some resolution. Mikah and Kiara choose to play separately. Asa is ticked off still from being awoken and immediately put down without cuddling. He's a little hungry but still very tired, so I feed him and attempt to rock him back to sleep. Yes! It's quiet again! Finally a second where my nerves can just chill. Then it all happens again. Of course its a little different of a scenario, but same story. This is my routine day. Its starting to getting very stale and unbreathable, yet I'm out of ideas of how to get it all under control. I'm tired of not being able to keep this place clean, I'm tired of constantly battling with the kids, and I'm tired of being a hermit crab.

Last night I was to the point of just breaking down. I just wanted to kick something, scream at the top of my lungs, and then curl up into a ball and just cry. I'm highly looking forward to a break from the kids and our every day run around. I can't wait to get on the road. I think I'm going to enjoy this road trip. I'm especially going to enjoy seeing everyone, but just having time set to read, write, or crochet will be nice. I might even have a decent conversation with Scott too! That alone would be nice. A conversation where we aren't interrupted by the chaos our family lives out. Don't get the wrong idea.....I'm going to miss the kids like crazy, but I've needed a break...sort of like a day off. My job is 24/7 with these lil guys. I don't get to go home from work cause that's where work is. I'm hoping to change this routine very soon when we come back. Not too sure what that'll look like, but we'll find out sure enough!

thanks for listening.