Sunday, September 25, 2005

Hello! Coffee......Wake me up already!

I'm on my fourth cup of coffee, and I'm still really stupidly tired. Its the one night I can stay up past nine without worrying about being functional the next day, and I can't even enjoy it because I'm tired and edgy due to my tiredness. Its one of those nights where the more I try to enjoy the kids the more they drive me nuts. All buttons pushed....all lines crossed.... or at least so it seems. Chances are that I'll go lay down and won't be able to sleep but still feel really exhausted. I guess I'm just tired of being tired with being tired. Oh well.....that's enough whining.

So I actually put on the antenna on the tv so I could watch extreme makeover. I haven't done that since we first moved here. I had forgotten we had it until I set up mikah's computer the other day. I'm glad though. tv sucks. i like movies.......no commercials.

So here lately I've been stuck on the parable of the talents. I read it over and over and over and over.....I'm drawn to it. I've been trying to be prayerful about it, but can't filter through my own thoughts from what God might be guiding/telling me with it.
Maybe its nothing...probably. But keeps coming up in my mind. If I were to listen to my own thoughts, then I would start making plans on how to make money by working for myself.....which believe me...I've got plenty of ideas...plenty. But then I question whether or not my family would be ready/okay with that kind of thing. Too many questions/theories/daydreams. Then the ordeal of desires/selfishness come into play once more. That battle always sucks.....and unfortunately never ends.

Either way, the truth is that I'm still drawn to the parable....and I feel something is to be personally learned from it...even if its a seconds worth of knowledge. Another thought process I've been digginf through just here most recently is the obedience we are to have to/with/for God. There's so much in the Old Testament that is mostly to remain in those times right? Well, its really hard to figure out God's brain. Yeah I'm people have written books on this, but its hard to accept someone else's opinion as my own, and its one of those things where I would rather have a discussion that a mindful of papercuts. On this journey I'll plan to pick in the word and attempt to study as much as the life around me will allow. There's also the question of Sabbath.....but that's a whole other lifetime to figure out ;)

Thanks for listening.

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