So I've been on edge here lately. Some of the reason is natural, but I'm starting to wonder about the other reason. I feel restless. I want to be creative with a lot of different things and even have a lot of materials to do such, but the time plus energy just seems to not be around. I'm also on a search for new things. A change. What kind of change? Maybe in my job area......who knows. I've been actually chasing that change for awhile now, but haven't been successful obviously. I feel tired and worn and normally when I feel that draining, I get easily depressed. I'm starting to notice a lot of patterns about myself this year.....especially these past couple of months. I have seasons of mood changes and passions, and desires, and undesires. Seasons of selfishness too. I'm starting to wonder if this is a season of selfishness. Like about my want to do my creative outlet projects.....all I hear in my mind is how that would be fun for ME. My job situation and how that would be better for ME. But then I turn around and think that its not selfish because I need to take care of me as well as my family. Blah blah blah freakin blah. I want i want i want.......I wish I could just get a straight answer from God about this crap.
"Hey God, should I even try to find a different job?"
"No, Heather, you need to stay where you are. I have a plan." or
"Well, yeah! I've been waiting for you to get the hint!"
"Hey God, should I even try to do my creative projects?"
"Of course you should! It brings you peace of mind!" or
"Now isn't the time to be messing with that. Now is the time to enjoy your family"
Yup........still no clue.
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