Beware! Random mixed/combined thoughts!

So many thoughts, so little room to store them. I'm experiencing an overload of thoughts and ponders of how our family can/will/may live as a whole and better ourselves as a family as well as a part of a community. I just want to take a moment to split that word up---------> comm unity......hmmmmmmm. what I see and hear in that that is come in unity.....granted the 'in' isn't in there but it makes sense. Come in unity with Christ....

community:

1. A group of people having common interests: the scientific community; the international business community.
2. A group viewed as forming a distinct segment of society: the gay community; the community of color.



1. Similarity or identity: a community of interests.
2. Sharing, participation, and fellowship.

Society as a whole; the public.


unity:

The state or quality of being one; singleness.
The state or quality of being in accord; harmony.


1. The combination or arrangement of parts into a whole; unification.
2. A combination or union thus formed.

Singleness or constancy of purpose or action; continuity: “In an army you need unity of purpose” (Emmeline Pankhurst).

It's very interesting to me to study individual words. I use to do this all of the time when I was big in writing poetry. Anymore I never seem to have the abilty to write what I want to write in the time alotted to me. I guess it happens and in due time I'll have that time.

So in search of our new way of living through/with/in Christ, we've come acrossed some possibilities that may be quite humbling and eye opening. I've been examining myself more closely today as I've been thinking this, and boy oh boy there's a severe need for improvements. Especially in my patience. Granted I've stated this before, but hey hey hey its still a factor that is being worked on, and hopefully I can have some peace in the matter. Certain things such as patience, and continuously giving to and loving strangers as well as the many gazillion things God wishes us to do with another seems nearly impossibly. Is it possible to acheive half of it and still be full of human emotions? No I don't question that too much, but I guess I just wonder how I would be in that kind of mental setting.

Hmmmmmm....just thinking

I'm finding myself searching for the realness in how to become a part of a community as well as trying to seek out what that would look like and mean for us as individuals. We are a big family in a small space, and really don't own much in comparison to the ways of this possession obsessed world, but in my eyes we own way too much for just ourselves. How can we, us, as a family become more accountable. How can we stop hiding our frustrations, and start loving each other better? How can we teach the kids to give so generously, if we ourselves have such a hard time doing so? Not saying we are stingy, but in this area and many others there's plenty of space for improvement. Since we've lived here I've experienced real prayer time with other people, and some real sense of community. Joining together to eat, laugh pray, sing, cry, and just breath in Christ's greatness of love and warmth. Then I think of the concept of pay it forward...you know actually putting it to work in your lives. I actually learned it from the movie "Pay It Forward" , but its still a great way of spreading the love, ya know? For those who don't know the concept, here it is: You help three people in a very big way by doing something they can't do by themselves. Then instead of seeking repayment or anything at that, you just tell them to pay it forward by helping three other people in very big ways, and so on and so on. It spreads so big. I don't know. These are all just some thoughts, ya know.

I guess I just look at my kids and wonder how I can show and teach them how God wants us to care for another by doing such things myself. I just pray for it... to be quick to give, not anger....to be quick to forgive, not be impatient....to live each day joyfully and thankfully, not regretably or grudgingly.....to be willing to give up everything we own to help someone, and not be selfish with our time and energy....to just live fully through Christ every day by choice, and not stray off His path by our own ignorance.

Some thoughts.....

I was reading the deal going on over at Andrew's blog, and just some more thoughts came to me, kind of along the lines of the subject of where my mind use to be before I came to know Christ. Life was hard, and it seemed inevitable that it was just going to get harder. The more you dreamed about a happy ending, the further away that reality was. Jesus was just some painting on the wall then with an unknown apathetic story that made Him well known. Hellbound was how I felt around the "God people" and it seemed then like the rightly chosen path if you wanted to ever have any fun. Drugs and alcohol were the anti-reality tools, and people were around to help you use them. Sobriety was defined as lame, ignorant, and boring. Forgiveness was nonexistent. The 'God people' the most judgemental people you'd ever meet. At times they were fake and so surreal. When I remember this stuff, I pray that I never come across like this. I know this is jumbled....if you are confused or just curious, just ask me/talk to me.

A little poetic moment

Who am I to you?
A brother?
A sister?
A neighbor?
An enemy?
Who am I to you when you stare at me blankly?
When you look right through me as if I'm glass?
Am I here for you?
Am I here with you?
I gaze at the wonderous sky, and think of you.
Where do you stand?
A seeker of peace and serenity?
Maybe all you need to do is walk through my door.

Not sure what to say, but here we go......

Not sure of what to say, but I guess I'll say it anyways, hee hee. I found myself feeling a little out of place today at chrch and I'm not so sure as to why. I think I was just tired from working today. Today was slammed at work, and to my very own surprise, I survived. I even was able to catch up! My boss and co-workers even said they were impressed. I was told it takes most people a couple of weeks to keep up with little mistakes.

I fixed lil miss Kiwi's hair like my own lil punker girl.


Isn't she awesome?

Mikah D has become his very own personal hair dresser. He just loves to pose!


And Asa B loves to scrubba scrub in the tubba tub! Such a water baby!

You Wanna see my buns?

Challah buns that is! So at Einstein's, they make all fresh bagels EVERYDAY. So that means they toss the end of day's left overs.Which also means the employees get dibs to take them home! Today I took advantage of that and got practically every bagel they had. very nice.........

Anyways, on top of that I am enjoying my job. The people are cool, and the job isn't that bad at all. Asa isgetting along fine without me too. I was a little worried I'd have to stop nursing, but that's not the case. I just have to make sure I "Express Myself" for mommy milk when I get home. I'm still trying to get use to the hours of early AM, but that's okay. I'll get use to it.

Things I'm thankful for this morning

+ My beautiful family
+ My new job
+ Our family bundling up the nerve and strength to move here in Dallas
+ LGBC for love and support during this transition
+ That the older kids are still sleeping, giving me a quiet morning with Asa
+ The Rudd's for love, support, friendship, and for teaching us the wonderful benefits of cloth diapering
+ That my stomach can handle more than one cup of what Scott would call, some weak weak weak coffee
+ For our new friendships that are developing
+ For our new apartment, this is our first one all to ourselves
+ For our family in Indiana, for their support and everything else
+ A working microwave ;)
+ An unlimited amount of library books borrowed
+ Mikah's desire to be homeschooled
+ Our desire and wiilingness to homeschool the kids
+ everything
+ Kiara being daytime potty trained :) YOU GO GIRL!

Rock On

Okay I've got a couple of things to share. First, a couple of days ago our new microwave pooped out on us. I guess the green beans were too much for the machine, hee hee. Anyways, we couldn't afford to buy a new one and when I threw out my broken purse, I was positive I accidently left the receipt inside it. So since then we've been having to heat up everything on the stove, and having to rewash everything as we go. Which is fine, but at times its just so much nicer being able to skip all of those extra steps when cooking. Well, miraculously, I was cleaning off the dresser and found the receipt! Rock on! We now have a new microwave. Also, I was able to get one cheaper, so I also got the kids some new flip flops, which was needed too. Ahhhhhhhhhhh, the little things :)

Okay next, I want to share a little tidbit from my walk with the kids yesterday evening. As we were walking Kiara looked ahead, and I heard her faintly whisper, "It's so beautiful." I smiled and asked what was beautiful. She said, " Ahhhhhhhh, the sky." It was so adorable. And it also made me realize how new her eyes are compared to mine. I remember when I use to just stare at the sky in wonder and enjoyment. It just brought me to a place where I come to realize how huge God really is. Very cool stuff. I love my little angels :)

The last thing I wanted to share was about my oldest little babe, Mikah. This week we had been doing homeschooling. Nothing really scheduled, but just a start to help me figure out a more regular schedule. Anyways, since I've been hired the kids realize I'm not going to be here constantly anymore. This came acrossed as a big bummer to them while I was looking, but eventually they became happy for me and us. Anyways, today while I was exchanging the microwave, Mikah gave his Mama Phyllis a call. He hid in the closet so he could talk to her privately. One of the things he wanted to talk to her about was how he didn't want to go to school, that is outside of the home. Wow, it's amazing how much these kids think about. For some reason I had thought we had talked about it with him, but I guess not. So Scott had a talk with him about how while I was at work, daddy would be here and do a little bit of school, and when mommy got home, she would do a little bit too. Mikah thought that was awesome. I must say it makes me feel really good that he wants to be homeschooled and that we are able to find the way to do it.

A little Humbled

Wow, experiencing this first month here has been interesting. We've been getting closer and closer to the nitty gritty of our finacial situation. I'm not sure if we've ever been this situation where every last penny is stretched to its fullest potential. God has definitely been good, though. He has provided. We've never missed a meal, and we are healthily enjoying ice water as our main beverage. I must say I do enjoy watching God provide. He never holds back.

Also I have experienced the prayer groups here. This is something I have needed for quite the while. Just a time where you sit with one another, and be totally honest about what you need prayer for, and also a great time to pray for others. There really are no words to describe it. Ever since I've been here and meeting and talking with people, the more this place feels right for us. I feel like this is definitely the missing puzzle piece. It's absolutely amazing.

OH Guess What I Found!

I found me a jobby-job! Yes, oh, yes indeed. I walked in, filled out an application, talked with the assistant manager, then the manager, and got hired on the spot! What a relief. I hate my sucky faith. I was starting to freak a bit about finding a job, but just when I started getting really freaked, God stepped in laughing at me and shaking His head. Sorry God, I'll try to change my inner voices. So Einstein Brothers Bagels is my new place of employment. Rock on! I start May 2nd, and I can wear my piercing! Who's excited, ME ME ME! Sorry, I know I sound a little crazy with all of this, but I haven't been in the workplace in forever, and today at the interview I was extremely comfrtable with it all, and can't wait to start bageling away! Well, Asa and the house is calling. Thanks to everyone for their prayers.

A Bitter-Sweet Day

Okay, so I started today off by calling some places I had applied and job hunting through the job ads. And shortly before lunch time went off on a drive to check out some possible areas to apply. Well, I didn't get a chance to actually apply during this time, but at least I gathered up some ideas.

After lunch a woman from church picked me up to join her and some other ladies for a prayer time. The whole ime I was there I was thinking, "I've NEEDED something like this for quite some time now." It was gorgeous how much I was able to relate to this group of women. What was even more awesome was that we were all so different in our individualistic ways, yet through Christ, so alike. I felt so comfortable with them, and I can't wait to get to know these women better.

Well, that was awesome and that was the sweet part. I came home from the group to find that my brother had called. I had totally forgotten that today was the day my Dad was going back to court to see if he was going back to prison or not. For a little bit tof background, my Dad had went to prison a while back ago for some money issues. Well, today he got sentenced for 33 months. I'm still trying to gather all of the info as possible, but so far my emotions are feeling strung about and pulled every which way. It sucks, because even though I only saw him a couple of times a year, I was still able to call him and talk with him as well as the kids. I just hope that since he has to do the time, that it does him some good.

A moment to exhale

I'm at the moment trying to figure out what kind of person I am, as well as what kind of parent I am, what kind of wife I am, but I'm guessing that none of that is important at this given moment, because everytime I try, I am pulled from myself back into supermom mode. That's okay to me, but there are just times where I get so damned selfish in my thinking, and it makes the day really hard on not only me, but those around me. I know people say I need to find time to myself and all, but what do I do, how do I , where can I, and sometimes why can't I? The last time Scott gave me a little bit to go somewhere by myself, I ended up taking Kiara with me. I'm not complaining about this at all, we had some fun with the Rudd's , and it was quite nice for the both of us. I almost always enjoy the one on one time with the kids. I say almost because when there's a kid involved there's always room for trauma and drama, hee hee. I'm not so sure where this is going, so don't try to map it. I'm trying to remember all of the topics I really wanted to write about, but in the mix with taking care of the kids, it all has been lost.

So anyways, here's some happy-go-lucky stuff I want to share: Kiara is almost totally potty trained for daytime. Granted we still have accidents, but hey those happen. Either way she's doing AWESOME! I'm also getting the hang of these cloth diapers and have been using them more frequently. And Mikah has started homeschooling, well, right now its kind of unorganized, but that will change shortly. He's learning how to follow directions and how to add, and take in what he's reading. Very nice. I must admit the first try was quite frustrating for Mikah and myself, but that's okay. This is something new to the both of us. Another thing is Scott and I are feeling very comforted about our decision about moving here. It just fits. Well, mommy-hood calls once again, our dinner is fixed, the kids and I all helped to prepare :)

What side of the bed is this?

Okay, so I wake up with my little miss Kiara in her cloth diaper letting me know she needed changed. Of course there was no smell so to my suprise, there's poo everywhere. Just as I start changing her, Asa's diaper, which is also in a state for changing, starts to leak as well. Once I change everyone, and clean everything up, Mikah starts hitting me up for some oatmeal. So I take a breath and make the oatmeal, and pour Kiara a bowl of Bran flakes which she has asked for. Just as I'm about to pour the milk in her bowl, she says she wants oatmeal and starts crying. CRYING. Ha ha, luckily for her I still had some patience left and had her stop crying and ask for it nicely. She had done so. Once all of our oatmeal was done, we sat at the table to eat. Its too hot still, so Mikah starts repeatedly asking for an ice cube. Before I did this I checked Kiara's oatmeal to see if it was the same as Mikah's, but her's was cooler. So I just got an ice cube for Mikah. This is about when World war 3 crash landed in Kiara's little head. You gotta love three year olds, hee hee. After that drama was done I actually sat down to eat my own breakfast, and for some odd reason this is Asa's cue to just freak out in a crying fit. This morning I was severely outnumbered and I feel like its a show tell sign that I need to crack down on these spoiled kids a lot more on their manners and respect. I love my kids like crazy, but I'm thinking I'll appreciate them a lot more when I get at least a part time job. Must go Asa's crying my name.

Questions that strike a pose

So I'm finding myself around a lot of questions, whether they come from Scott or myself, they are here. And the only thing I get out of them are more questions. The majority are God related and I guess I've become maybe more acceptable about not knowing than God wants me to be. This has me going a little crazy in mind. I'm not so sure how that comes across, but I'm beginning to believe it. I've become so use to just accepting that all of my questions, my impossible questions can't be answered by any person. Granted people can attempt to give me their answer, but really its a matter of opinion. The hard core facts can only come from God. So I just set them all aside, and hope that when the tiime comes, I will find out the real deal. But I don't think that's what He wants. He thrives on us searching for Him, and wants us to know Him more, even if it starts small and seemingly impossible. So maybe my acceptance is a way of trying to take the easier path. Is this making sense? Just some thoughts thrown out before I rest the night away.

Wow would be enough

I can't believe we've been here this long already. I'm still looking for a job, and it hasn't been easy for me at all. Its been so long, and my self confidence has lower a bit since having kids. I don't blame it on the kids at all, but having kids has changed my life around totally. I'm not the same person I use to be, its just factual. I use to be able to grab interviews without even going to the place or sending a resume'. Also I've been sick and its made my voice horrifying. I won't call on apps until its back to normal. Most places are customer service type jobs, I need to sound friendly over the phone, not like Frankenstein, ha ha.Yester, I lost my voice. I had to whisper to people. It was crazy. Today I still sound raspy, but hopefully tomorrow I can call, and go to more places.

my fam is dow, mom, sis and nephew. They came in on Friday, and on Saturday, my poor nephew was breathing really hard and wheezing like crazy, so he spent the day in two hospitals. The first one transfered him over to the children's hospital to get asthma treatment. He's doing much better now. He can't be too active though, and its hard for him to remember that.

Another happening, is: ASA PULLED HIMSELF UP, STANDING UP AGAINST THE FURNITURE! His first time, I might add, and I GOT TO SEE IT! Its been seeming as though Scott has seen most of his firsts, so this made me feel better :)

ta-ta for now!

WE'RE HERE!!!!!!!!!

Yes, yes..there it is! Here we are in our new home in the city of Dallas! (Let's take this moment to imagine my ginormous sigh of relief mixed with excitement)........
The drive was good, yet exhausting. I think I'm feeling the jet lag from it all, even though we didn't ride in a jet/plane.......car lag? Well you get the point. My mind and body are exhausted but that's okay....I defintely can deal. We don't have the net, so I'm going to have my main post about this all later. Thanks to EVERYONE for prayers and all of the help. ITS MUCH APPRECIATED!

Just one more quick note. Today I put on Asa's first very own cloth diaper.....and with that first cloth diaper, I got the explosion.....and guess what.....IT ALL KEPT CONTAINED! Very nice. Hopefully this will go smoothly. I'm planning on easing my way into it all. Between potty training Kiara, unpacking, job sesarching, and converting to cloth diapers, I think that is the best. Love you all, and will post more in a couple of days.

tooth-filled lil joys

Okay, forgot a little travel memory I wanted to share with everyone. Asa and daddy were just chilling out in the back seat of the car in Illinois, when Asa revealed the reason for his fussiness and sleeplessness: HIS FIRST TOOTH! There it was so plain for Scott to see, and what do I hear? "Ha ha! He's got his FIRST TOOTH! And I'M THE FIRST TO SEE IT!" Not that we're competing, but unfortunately Scott is rarely the first one to see these things. The first thing I think is: "Ouch" since I'm nursing still. Oh well, I guess I'll have to tough it out.

In addition to this first, we came home to find another. Mikah's had an incident with Kiara; she and him were jumping on his bed and her head come banging up against his lower jaw. This knocked a couple of teeth loose. Well when we were at Scott's parents to pick up the kiddos and we had to stay a couple of days to get the car fixed. Anyways our first night there I was brushing his teeth after his turn, and with the foaming toothpaste I saw a tooth just floating in his mouth! I screeched out of excitement....MIKAH HAD JUST LOST HIS FIRST TOOTH! Very cool. Now I remember when I was a kid and had a tooth fairy, so I decided to do the same with the kids. Heck, we already killed Santa, might as well give him the tooth fairy. So I wrote him a note and left a dollar to replace the tooth. Well, of course he was all sorts of excited, and read that letter over and over and over. Well, later that day he thought for some odd reason that I wanted him to throw away the letter. And he did! I still don't know where he got that; either way the letter was gone, and he was upset about it later. It really broke his heart. He wanted us to dig up the trash we had already taken out. To be honest, that's not my cup of tea, digging in the trash, especially when its alreaady tied up and has only God knows what else inside. So what do I do? I rewrite the letter. I had it all set up perfectly. I had the same crayon, same fold, and same wording.....well almost the same wording. I think I accidently added a word or two. This is the moment where I hand him the letter, and squint....will he notice this isn't the same letter? He examines the page over and over and over again...."Hey! This letter is different!" This is within 30 seconds! BUSTED. I was laughing so hard from shock. How many times did he read that thing!?! So this is where I tell him the truth about me rewriting the letter. This helped him feel better and he understood why I did it. He's such a sweet little man.

get organized already!

One thing this family has been very horrible about is being organized. We really suck at it. And right noww I'm at the beginning stages of our packing.......what a freaking mess! My mind doesn't like to keep my body in tune as to what's going on sometimes, and what I mean by that is I have way too many thoughts hitting me all at once, so important things are much too easily forgotten. (urgggggh) So all of this combines is truely a big mess. I hope to be able to have all of our necessities sorted as to what to keep and toss. Our next place is quite small, and if we can't compact it, then we must toss it. I just hope that when we unpack everything, we can find enough places for it all. I think that's why we are so unorganized....we can seem to have set places for things.

By the way, practically everything I've wanted to say about our trip to Dallas, Scotty pretty much said it perfectly. Only thing I would add is how wonderful the trip down was, and how freaking awesome it is that we are able to move down to Dallas! Huge thanks to the Rudd's for EVERYTHING! Especially for putting up with us for the week. Also huge thanks to the kern's for putting up with us! It was wonderful to see all of you! It was fantastic to meet Jessica finally. I hope to spend more time with her someday soon. Our trip down was quite refreshing. We've been going through some mind trauma lately from worries about family to what the next year is going to be like. Gladly enough though, our next ordeals of stress is a lot clearer so its much easier to handle.

Well, I've got a ton to do and very little time to do it, so I probably won't post again until we are moved. Take care everyone!

Update on Scott's sister

I talked with Scott's sister today, and she's all around doing FREAKING FANTASTIC! She told me that the majority of her health problems that have been occuring over the past year have just up and vanished since the surgury. She talked with her oncologist and he said that the kind of cancer she had released a certain chemical in her body, and its been known to cause those symptoms. Some of the problems she's had were muscular dysfunction. She would lose all feeling in her legs and her hands would get all funky too. Also it sounds like she'll have a lot of people helping out with the 500 hours of community house service for Habitat For Humanity. I guess the youth group and a bunch of other people from their church are all about helping out. I'm so happy for them. I hope it just keeps getting better for them.

Deal with it

I must say I'm tired of hearing about issues that deal with separation of church and state. From the Commandment monuments and plaques all the way to gay marriage. First of all, if they remove a monument from the capital building, will that action change the history of our nation's laws or that state's unity? NO! Will we stray from keeping the commandments because they take a piece of marble and stone away? NO! Will fighting against gay marriage convert gay men and women to heterosexuality? NO! I can go on and on about these two, especially these two, but you get where I'm going. I understand that this guy is sueing for the position and existence of the monument, but this kind of thing has happened in the past where a bunch of the blind minded get their panties in a twist over such crud that leads them to protest with picket signs and raise some "holy cain" . I say, what's the ebig deal....take the phrase off the currency, the monuments out of the gov buildings, and stop discriminating unconstitutionally against gay marriage.....its not like they aren't getting married already. I think Christ has some better ideas of how to go about it than this.

(by the way, I'm not use to this crazy one button mac mouse, so no links will bee posted until I get back.)