Expression of Faith from North Umbria Community

Expressions of faith

Lord, You have always given
bread for the coming day;
and though I am poor,
today I believe.

Lord, You have always given
strength for the coming day;
and though I am weak,
today I believe.

Lord, You have always given
peace for the coming day;
and though of anxious heart,
today I believe.

Lord, You have always kept
me safe in trials;
and now, tried as I am,
today I believe.

Lord, You have always marked
the road for the coming day;
and though it may be hidden,
today I believe.

Lord, You have always lightened
this darkness of mine;
and though the night is here,
today I believe.

Lord, You have always spoken
when time was ripe;
and though you be silent now,
today I believe.

My first day of Lent

So I decided due to many circumstances that today would be the beginning of my 40 days into beginning good habits and kicking bad habits. To stop smoking and to stop arguing with God, and to write a prayer in my journal every night, to pray with Mikah and read with him the bible for 15 minutes a day. Wow, that seems like a lot, but over the next couple of days I'm going to begin one extra thing. Tomorrow is Mikah and his Lent, and the time and heart he desires to dedicate to God. He understood that many people gave things up for God.

His first choice was the Playstation 2. Then he changed his mind because it would be hard and he didn't want to fail God. I told him he wouldn't by doing that, but either way what he chose was just some random thing, and it should take some prayer before he made his choice of how he could make room for God in his life. We both talked and decided that we, together, would read out of the bible everyday and pray during this time. I'm thrilled to be a witness to my son's first Lent season. I really feel we both will learn a lot from each other.

Today I went smoke free, even when my boss didn't. Yes I was moody, but I feel that was a combination of the day, I'm sick, my job has gotten pretty full, and many other things that has entered into my life crazily. Hey, if anyone wants to sponsor me a goal, and do something special for me when I reach it that would be cool.

Right now my throat is very swollen and I can't swollow very well. I can't talk very good either. yucky.

Lent

So tomorrow is Ash Wednesday and the first day of Lent. I must be honest I have been dreading this for quite some time now. The two things I feel god has asked me to give up are both extremely difficult, but also good things to give up. It's going to be extremely challenging and yet uplifting. So now I need to find something good to fill in these gaps. Hopefully this will make the transition somewhat easier.

Much heaviness on my heart, any prayers would be wonderful. Thanks.

Interesting......

So I went to the karaoke bar last Monday. I didn't really feel up to it, from being sick, but it happened in a way I needed to go. This is how it went down: Scott normally has been the main babysitter for karaoke night. His choice, to avoid babysitting and what not. Well, it happened that he had to work, so I was pretty much out of a babysitter. I was kind of bummed, but still okay with not going. Then I felt an urge to go.....okay, so I decided to pray that if I needed to go someone would offer to watch the kids, but I wouldn't seek just because of how I felt. So about35 minutes after I prayed that, my friend asks me about if I had a babysitter before we hung up. Okay... so of course I was honest and said no, and she said she would ask her husband if he felt up to it.

He was up to it, so I guess I was going to the karaoke bar. I was thinking about leaving early, just because I was tired and wasn't able to sing as much. I didn't have much of an idea of what I was going to sing anyways, so I let the karaoke guy pick it out for me. He chose Alicia Keys for what I was planning for my last song before I left. After I was done, these two ladies from the bar came up to me and was asking me non-stop about my singing....if I do it professionally or took lessons, or do anything outside of karaoke. I was honest, I said no, all I do is karaoke due to my children. They both were taken aback and asked if I would be interested, if I would ever consider singing for a live band in a club or something......YEAH! We exchanged contact info, and talked some more.

So we will see what the wind blows in.You never know what God has in store. And when it comes to a big decision like that I only want what he has in mind. So we'll see, I'll let you know.

blah blah blah...hee hee

I didn't end up having the prayer night. I needed to be with a friend that was going through some hard times and by the time I got home, I hit the couch and was gone. I spent hours on the place, actually spent all day preparing it. I spent about seven days to plan it. And three hours to kind of clean it up. And I was totally okay with that. I am so grateful for her friendship and trust in me to call me when she needs me to. She's one of my best friends and I met her through working at Michael's .

It was good to hear someone's thoughts about how the place looked though. It was transformed into a sanctuary. Everything was clean, it was quiet, candles and incense, prayer stations. It was awesome. What's even more awesome is that it'll be easy to set up again because I kept all of it organized in a folder, so that the major things to do would be to clean.



So Kristen Rudd jumped at my mind the other day when I found out my picture was in this month's Advocate. How I wish she would have been the one to take my picture. I mis that woman.

I met this 13 year old girl at karaoke the other night. It was a lot of fun to hang out with her. She reminded me of me, at least the good side of me when I was in high school. I hope to see her soon, we had a lot in common and just had a lot of good fun. She was extremely grateful to have someone to hang out with because her mom is dating the karaoke guy and she normally gets bored.

Night of Prayer

Saturday we are having another prayer session. It's called God's Whispers in the Night. It will begin at 7pm and end at 10am the next morning. Last time I did a 24 hour time of non-stop prayer. This time I'm not called to go that long, but to experience the night and silence....that was the most precious time last time. Any prayers you want us to pray email me at kiwijasmyn(at)yahoo(dot)com .

hey

Things have been going good around here. Nothing too crazy. Not really much to talk about. I just felt it was time to blog.

I've been writing my own songs lately. That has been a lot of fun. I'm hoping to write a new song every week, or at least begin to write one. I want to write about so many things in my songs, but am struggling to find some inspiration. I want my music to have God in the center even if the song isn't about God. So far all my songs are though. There are two that I really like so far. they are coming along very well. I've been feeling really led lately that God wants me to use my voice for Him. Not only for karaoke. So here I am, singing away. I need to find someone who can help me train my voice to its full potential. I want to also get something to record my voice so I can hear it in another way. Maybe Scott could use his audio program to make my music background ;) (hint hint)

We will see what comes forward. I have a feeling it'll be fun.

Our Glorious Texan Christmas

I'm a slacker, I know, but hey at least here I am blogging again. I definitely want to share our Christmas with everyone. It was soooo good. It was just the Miller Fam. We had let the kids open up they're presents shortly after their break from school started so that they would have exciting new things to keep them busy. Well, Christmas Eve, after the kids were in bed, Scotty set up all of their toys in the living room, so that when they woke up it looked like a big toyland. It was awesome.

We ate tacos for supper....I know, I know, but hey it was fabulous for us! Scott's a veggie guy, and the kids are just picky....this was the one meal ALL of us really enjoyed. It really was the best meal for us. We did this for Christmas and Thanksgiving last year. This is just how we do it :)

We played video games with the kids, sang Christmas hymns and carols. We also had our very first fire in our fire place! This was perfect! I've wanted this for awhile now.

Scott and I sat by the fireplace with Asa and just talked for awhile...it was really nice.

Lastly, I need to tell you about my Christmas present from God. Seriously. Okay, I went outside for a little bit and looked up at the sky to only see two stars and the moon. I got really bummed and just said aloud, "Oh, God I just want to see the stars" This is one of the biggest things I hate about Dallas. I love Dallas, but dang it, I can't function well without stars.

I came back inside and went out again later, and there just above our house and the neighbors' was a big opening in the sky and a bunch of stars shining through! I also got to see Orion, my favorite constellation! This was a huge treat for me. I was so excited I went inside and told Scott he needed to come out and see my present from God. What's so amazing about this is that ever since I have lived here I have never seen many stars in the sky. Maybe some scattered few and far between, but not like this. Back in Indiana, they were everywhere. It always gave me that big wonderous awe feeling with God. i just feel close to Him in that feeling.

The only bummer in our holiday was that Asa was running a really high temp of 104 for two days and I couldn't break his temp, so I had to take him into ER for some antibiotics and allergy medicine. Found out he had a start of an infection and asthma. He's better now...or at least getting there.

Oh yeah, my power tools and easel rock!

What's up

Wow this really isn't my season for blogging that's for sure. No offense, I've just been busy getting back into the groove of things at work and home. Computer time is limited due to it all.

A lot of good things have happened, seemingly little, yet huge. The kids are on Christmas break right now. It's really a nice change to only have to get myself up in the morning and get ready with no rush. It's also really nice to be able to come straight home after work instead of waiting on the kids to get out for 30 minutes, then take them home after speaking with their teachers and so on.

My medicine is doing very well. It's working in the ways I need it to, which is very good. I don't have any side effect really other than just feeling a tad bit tired all the time, but it's really nothing much.

I went to karaoke last night. It was really fun. I got some extremely encouraging feedback from many people....I needed that. For awhile there I was really questioning my ability to sing. Yes of course I need work, but it's good to know I don't have to start from the very beginning. I finally met some people there I've been trying to meet for awhile. I got to catch up with other people that go there regularly. It was all very awesome and good for me. I'm kind of sad that next Monday is Christmas and there won't be karaoke. I'll have to aim for another night at another place.

I now own power tools! I own a drill, rotary tool, and a power saw. I'm frigging excited about that! My mom couldn't have been happier that I asked for power tools for Christmas. She's so funny.

Well, not much else on my mind to say. Laters!

Tomorrow is for work

Tomorrow I go back to work. Yes I actually still have a job. My boss rocks! I hope to be on track and get things done the same if not better than when I left.

I started on an anti-depressant/anxiety medication three days ago. I won't know much about it helping for maybe another week, but it may take longer. So we will see how it goes. I've been feeling sketchy and really tired lately, but yesterday and today I have been out of bed (where I've been the past week) and cleaning house and rummaging through kid clothes, and trying to figure out how we can't help get our stuff to not be clutter. I feel a solution is underway. Any ideas or tips of organizing would be wonderful...I suck at this.

Okay, I think I am off to watch a movie while I label my coverless VHS tapes.....yes we still own these, and actually continue to buy them due to incredible pricing.

home

I arrived late Friday night here at home. I've been gone for three weeks almost. It's good to be home. It's going to take time to get adjusted and change some things, but that's okay. If it were a quick fix I don't think we would learn much from it. I'm going to go see a doctor about anti-depressants soon. This is a confusing issue for me, but I hope it won't be after I get more information. Since I've been home I've been going through an exhausting down period. I don't like it. I want to be able to tolerate the little things and be rational for the big ones. We'll see where it goes and what will happen. I need something, my body is obviously not equipped to handle my swings. I have tried taking SAM-e for awhile. It helped at first, but not anymore. Time to move onto something else.

By the way, just for the record.....I drove 16 hours, in one day, with three kids by myself...SUPER MOM!

So many thoughts, not enough brain space

I've been extremely neglectful of my blog lately.....purposefully, though. I've wanted to blog, but not so sure as to how to blog : truthfully, freely, responsibly.

I'm here currently in Indiana at my mother's home with the kids. I've been here going close to two weeks now. I've been on quite a journey since I have been here. The first couple of days were meant for no thinking about anything I was taking a break from. I did this somewhat successfully. Then I went into Spastic mode of not knowing which direction to go, what I wanted, and then it hit me......maybe I should just stop trying to figure that out and just find myself once again. I've lost a part of myself I may never be able to get back. I'm not sure how it happened, it just did. I was easily losing myself and things I enjoyed and appreciated about myself. In it's place I have found a deep strong fear. Fear of many things such as my singing, my art, my sewing, myself as a person (mother, wife, friend......) It was a hole sucking the very life out of me....sucking out the hope of any light being shed upon our struggling family. That fear is what is killing my spirit.

To be broken is a lot of things, but one thing it isn't is painless. During this time of no light seen and no hope felt, I decided to push myself to really seek the true face of God and His view on my life. I was tired of getting no where with my view...
Let's face it running in circles gets you faster to insanity than anything when it comes to your emotions. Through God's grace I have been able to build that hope up inside me, that passion I use to have, but also through God's grace and mercy, I was able to mend a long lost friendship together once again. A friendship I had turned my back on because of fear. It's amazing how long this gap was, yet how easily once given an opportunity, how God could build a bridge and send healing. I aim to come home next week. I hope to be ready to be strong and sincere, and loving.

Kid's Fall Fest

This night was a lot of fun. I got to paint all over other people's kids, while other children read stories and sang songs. Great food, great people. I unfortunately missed a lot of the stories/songs, but it was still a good time. Saw some friends I haven't seen in a long time...very good stuff. It's good to see their faces. Some live in San Fran, and some live here in Dallas, but our schedules clash very often. I hope to spend more time with them tomorrow.

So I'm singing a song tomorrow.....I'm excited, but am convinced I'll suck. We'll see. I pray God will give me the voice and rhythm if this will be inspiring to anyone at all.

I think that is all I can dig up for now. My camera is working once again. Pictures soon to come to my flickr page.

Not much Time...But Must Blog

So it has been awhile since my last blog.....bad Heather!

Sorry I've been both going insane and have been extremely busy at the same time. I'm tired and worn, but there have been some great things have happened.

We are officially and totally moved. Well, there is one car full left, but other than that, we're out of there! Yay!

I got to go to an Evanescence concert (MY FAVORITE BAND)! Not ONLY did I get to go , but I also got to meet them! It was really cool. I needed to get out, and that was just fun. It was an awesome show, and even though I was by myself, it rocked!



Our family is becoming a better family than we have been in a really long time. We are just grooving together better. Tis really good.

I did a face painting/tattoo booth at the school fall carnival today. It was fun and my booth made $130.00 for the school. I rock.....okay maybe not, but it was good to be a part of it while the kids ran about and played games.

I'm exhausted right now, but I wanted to check in with you guys, if there is anyone out there. Take care!

Still waiting

Yep, it may be a little while before we are again connected in the web world. On top of that my email account, well the only one that I use for important emails anyways, is out of order. I'm hoping to get that fixed soon.

Please keep your prayers going for our lil family. A lot of struggles right now. Please lift up Mikah, he's going through a ton of things he doesn't understand. Thanks.

Waiting for technology

We don't have internet or a home phone, due to the internet. We do have our cell, so if you need to contact us, that's the way to go. Please be praying for our family. I can't go into details, but we truly need every single prayer we can get. Thanks.

Tomorrow

Wow, tomorrow we will sleep in a new place. Not all of our items are moved over, but most are and what is, is already in it's space for the most part. It bothers me to leave this area, but excites me to live close with community....and to live where God desires us to be.

I was thrilled last night. I closed the bar with Dawn, Mark, Gail, and lucy doing Karaoke. NICE! I also got my friend Angela to do Alanis Moorisette, You Oughta Know with me...IT TWAS AWESOME. Very fun times. I think I have most of the ladies at LGBC dedicated to this place. Hee hee hee, spread the addiction of karaoke :)

Mikah has a chance to be on CBS morning show with a big group of boy scouts. There's problems though that are arising for us to get him there. We will see, and let you know...oh yeah, SOMEONE better tape this for me! If it happens. Who knows. Right now we have to work out the schedule.

Kiwi's asthma is yucky right now. I'm awaiting her next dose, so we can get her to stop wheezing. It's not an emergency, but it needs to stop now. It's scary going ot bed knowing she's wheezing. I just want her to breath freely. I need to get Asa checked out for his cough. He's had a cough for quite the while. Just about as long as Kiara. Makes me wonder about him too. That's how Kiara's kind of started. She was just coughing a lot for a long period of time. Any prayers would rock.

Well, it is time to rest. Good night.

Tis the day

Today we begin moving our things. We'll attempt to get out everything we don't need. The electricity doesn't get turned on until Wednesday, and it was supposed to be turned off yesterday. I'm sure we would like to live simply eventually, but nows not that time, so we wait :) . Last night I needed to get so much done, but my body wasn't letting me. I'm so tired, I haven't been getting much sleep since I knew that we were going to move. I'm excited about it, but more so about the time that will happen after the move and unpacking is done. I've promised pictures, so today I'll go over before anything is moved and get some good ones.

Last night we cleaned out the fridge and the cabinets. We have tons of cabinets, so it took us a good three and half hours to clean the kitchen. But, IT'S CLEAN :) It looks very nice.

If anyone is in the area today or Wednesday during the day that wants to help us move stuff, email us, or give us a call.

Beer at Christian Events

So I was talking to this person just a tad bit about church, and he mentioned how someone asked for a beer at a church event down here, and everyone just spazzed out on that person. I just kind of scoffed at the people spazzing, and he laughed. He said, that he found it funny how people from the Indiana/Chicago area finds it weird NOT to have beer at Christian events. I guess he didn't go to my old church :)

Looking Back on the beginning days of Rants

I just realized something very important to myself. Years ago when we were in our boxed church, we were trying to get some great relationships started, and tried to encourage people to meet in their homes....just stirring the pot pretty much. What I remember most is the conversation where Scott and I were talking about reaching out to people. Going where the people are, not drag them in. Go to the coffee shops, libraries, bars, and clubs. Be there where many Christians dare not go. They just seemed appalled we would mention a bar. Especially what we came out of with partying. But what this group didn't understand was our hearts cries out to those people we use to be around. We now know Jesus is the way, how are we going to shed His truthful living light if we can't real them in. I don't remember Jesus putting out bait traps or anything...He went straight up to the prostitues and lepers, where no one would dare go, and hung out and partied with these people.

"Oh, you are the most diseased person in town, come hang out with me, let me give you a hug, cause you are my brother." "Do you realize what it is that you are doing? You can get my disease!" "Oh, yeah I realize what I'm doing, I'm showing my brother how he can live with me forever in the best place imaginable." "Why would you do such a thing, what will the others think?" "Because I can't rest well if I don't try to show you how to live better. That's what family does, and if the others don't see that then I'm sad for them, because it may take them longer to realize the truth. Come, let me show you how it's done and maybe you can be the one to go to them." "But I'm afraid I will disappoint you." "My Dad, the top dog, knew you before you were born, and told me all about you....I know what you can handle." "Thank you Jesus" "Yes, and thank you, brother"

I still love those people, though with many issues we just don't agree with. Our heart flies elsewhere, and that's okay. Either way I'm very thankful for God calling me to where He wants me, and that we are in a place around people that support us with our crazy ideas. But most of all it just feels good to know that we aren't just talking about it anymore. We are finally out here doing what we've ranted and raved about for years. I pray I will always be willing.


Believe me I totally understand not going into a bar if you have an issue with alcohol, you shouldn't go where you can't handle the temptions of your strongest sins. I personally shouldn't go to gay bars. Not until I can maintain a mindset where I can control my drinking there. There's a heavy spirit in those places that hit close to home. The people I always ended up hanging out with were very fun people, and it's hard for me to say no when I've had more to drink than I should in that setting. The spirit that dwells there is convincing that getting trashed like the rest of them is the best thing for you. To drown out your sorrows of what half of the world thinks of you with intoxication. I use to be surrounded heavily with this kind of crowd when I was in my party years. But any other bar, I'm fine, I can have one drink, two at most and be fine. It's very wise to know, understand, and respect your toughest temptations. Respect I guess more your weakness for them.

Sorry, this is a bit longer than I planned it to be. Have a great evening.