Today hasn't been a good day. I'm finding myself struggling to even get this out. I'm so full of stress and anxiety today its really starting to drag me into sadness. And then I start to beat myself up cause it all seems selfish and so stupid. My body can't keep up anymore and feels like its crashing hard, but I find myself pushing it overboard just to find some peace. I read that now and it doesn't make sense, but nothing does anymore. I'm tired of the daily battle within myself, and with my family. Sometimes I wish I could just throw away my emotions, cause it gets so hard to handle them, and can never control them. I just to breath it all out today before it gets worse. I use to be so good at holding everything in and keeping some kind of composure, but its impossible anymore. And no I don't want to hold it all in I just want to get rid of it. You can say to me to just stop worrying about it, or to not let it bother me, but if it were that simple you'd think it would be done and mastered. I asked myself today how much of this is hormonal, and must admit that may have something to do with it, but i believe the majority of it all is that I'm overly stressed and feel absolutely horrible, and on top of it all we have so many things going on at the same time. I wish I could just scream for an hour and I'll start to feel better. Right now I feel so worthless because I can't find a way to get this family to work together as a team, and I can't even find a way to calm myself. This is my venting machine right now, and just need to get it all out. Even if I'm the only one who understands what I've written. Thanks for listening.
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