The Return of the Henna Hippie Mama!

Hello Blog, miss me? A lot has happened since we spoke last, but I don't dwell on the past too much, so let's move forward. Right now my oldest son is 17, daughter 14.5, and Youngest son about to turn 12. I have teenagers now. And they are still alive and so are we :) I call that an accomplishment. GOOD JOB MOMMA! Where I have failed? I didn't stay diligent. I didn't hold tight to my faith. I stopped seeing God everywhere, in everything. I turned my back, all the while having my head turned to argue with Him. I don't know how you handle your relationship with God, but the only way I know how to do this myself, is to consider this as a true relationship. It's all exciting when its new and fresh, but eventually there are disagreements, hearts broken, misunderstandings, and then maybe even a little bit of bitterness. Yes, I have yelled at God, cursed him, and walked away throwing my hands up......though never forgetting He was always there. I didn't persevere the last time, I just threw my hands up. I walked away, every now and then picking up the phone, dialing the number, just to hang up. I miss church....community.....worship.....prayer......I miss the feeling of wonder..that anything can happen. I miss the safe feeling I had. Well, here I am. We already lost Phyllis (my mom-in-law), Sarah ( my dear friend and sis-in-law), my husband and I have been through a divorce, and have gotten married again. To each other. (This makes 3 wedding, and 1 divorce.....third times a charm!) Our youngest began an 8 month struggle that just began as sleeping all of the time, to full-body collapses.....to finally find out (after asking/fighting with the doctors to test for narcolepsy, which they never properly did, hence extending the extreme and intense worry) that my son has narcolepsy with cataplexy. Then to lose Mama C right before the diagnosis. Watching and trying to guide my teens through depression, anxiety, hormones, migraines, L.I.F.E.... Losing the lovely Debbie, an inspiration to us all, causing thoughts of reflection. Then, to lose Grandma G......Watching my mother lose her mother.....Breathe......just breathe. That summary doesn't even touch the many things that have been thrown at us, but it gives you enough of an idea. However it hasn't been all bad, doom and gloom. The diagnosis for narcolepsy was received as a blessing. After being told SEVERAL times it was not, then worrying about the other possibilities, narcolepsy isn't life threatening...life-long, yes, but when treated and educated not life threatening. AND I FINALLY FOUND A DOCTOR WHO KNEW WHAT TO LOOK FOR. She ran the appropriate tests, to confirm our/her diagnosis, and then after a fight with the insurance, we were able to get him treatment. He's doing much better, and is looking forward to school in a couple of weeks. We have a couple of outside kittens, named Nuke and Alfie. Boy and girl. Adorable and all get out, and they are the best anti-depressants ever! And they keep the rabbits from destroying my garden :) Did I mention I have a garden. Let me say that properly.......GARDENS! I have my memorial garden, my vegetable garden, and my flower patches. I have taken some of Sarah's teapots that she use to collect and have been using them as planters. My first food garden is growing carrots, habenaro and Jalepeno peppers, tomatoes, cherry tomatoes, cucumber, cantelope, watermelon, corn and radishes, and I just planted the pumpkins. It is a beautiful garden. And I have a newfound love.....growing things. When I grow anything, I see God's hands. And it teaches me patience, creates wonder, and weeding the garden is therapeutic. The urge to purge is strong. Simplifying life is hard for most, but even though its gets worse before it gets better, I'm aware of the process, slowly seeing progess, but understanding good changes are happening and these things take time. Purging our belongings is like weeding my garden, getting rid of the unnecessary to make room for the necessary (which will not be materialistic) Change is in the air....good changes...not sure what, but it will be beautiful. Flowers and peace to you!