Our Glorious Texan Christmas

I'm a slacker, I know, but hey at least here I am blogging again. I definitely want to share our Christmas with everyone. It was soooo good. It was just the Miller Fam. We had let the kids open up they're presents shortly after their break from school started so that they would have exciting new things to keep them busy. Well, Christmas Eve, after the kids were in bed, Scotty set up all of their toys in the living room, so that when they woke up it looked like a big toyland. It was awesome.

We ate tacos for supper....I know, I know, but hey it was fabulous for us! Scott's a veggie guy, and the kids are just picky....this was the one meal ALL of us really enjoyed. It really was the best meal for us. We did this for Christmas and Thanksgiving last year. This is just how we do it :)

We played video games with the kids, sang Christmas hymns and carols. We also had our very first fire in our fire place! This was perfect! I've wanted this for awhile now.

Scott and I sat by the fireplace with Asa and just talked for awhile...it was really nice.

Lastly, I need to tell you about my Christmas present from God. Seriously. Okay, I went outside for a little bit and looked up at the sky to only see two stars and the moon. I got really bummed and just said aloud, "Oh, God I just want to see the stars" This is one of the biggest things I hate about Dallas. I love Dallas, but dang it, I can't function well without stars.

I came back inside and went out again later, and there just above our house and the neighbors' was a big opening in the sky and a bunch of stars shining through! I also got to see Orion, my favorite constellation! This was a huge treat for me. I was so excited I went inside and told Scott he needed to come out and see my present from God. What's so amazing about this is that ever since I have lived here I have never seen many stars in the sky. Maybe some scattered few and far between, but not like this. Back in Indiana, they were everywhere. It always gave me that big wonderous awe feeling with God. i just feel close to Him in that feeling.

The only bummer in our holiday was that Asa was running a really high temp of 104 for two days and I couldn't break his temp, so I had to take him into ER for some antibiotics and allergy medicine. Found out he had a start of an infection and asthma. He's better now...or at least getting there.

Oh yeah, my power tools and easel rock!

What's up

Wow this really isn't my season for blogging that's for sure. No offense, I've just been busy getting back into the groove of things at work and home. Computer time is limited due to it all.

A lot of good things have happened, seemingly little, yet huge. The kids are on Christmas break right now. It's really a nice change to only have to get myself up in the morning and get ready with no rush. It's also really nice to be able to come straight home after work instead of waiting on the kids to get out for 30 minutes, then take them home after speaking with their teachers and so on.

My medicine is doing very well. It's working in the ways I need it to, which is very good. I don't have any side effect really other than just feeling a tad bit tired all the time, but it's really nothing much.

I went to karaoke last night. It was really fun. I got some extremely encouraging feedback from many people....I needed that. For awhile there I was really questioning my ability to sing. Yes of course I need work, but it's good to know I don't have to start from the very beginning. I finally met some people there I've been trying to meet for awhile. I got to catch up with other people that go there regularly. It was all very awesome and good for me. I'm kind of sad that next Monday is Christmas and there won't be karaoke. I'll have to aim for another night at another place.

I now own power tools! I own a drill, rotary tool, and a power saw. I'm frigging excited about that! My mom couldn't have been happier that I asked for power tools for Christmas. She's so funny.

Well, not much else on my mind to say. Laters!

Tomorrow is for work

Tomorrow I go back to work. Yes I actually still have a job. My boss rocks! I hope to be on track and get things done the same if not better than when I left.

I started on an anti-depressant/anxiety medication three days ago. I won't know much about it helping for maybe another week, but it may take longer. So we will see how it goes. I've been feeling sketchy and really tired lately, but yesterday and today I have been out of bed (where I've been the past week) and cleaning house and rummaging through kid clothes, and trying to figure out how we can't help get our stuff to not be clutter. I feel a solution is underway. Any ideas or tips of organizing would be wonderful...I suck at this.

Okay, I think I am off to watch a movie while I label my coverless VHS tapes.....yes we still own these, and actually continue to buy them due to incredible pricing.

home

I arrived late Friday night here at home. I've been gone for three weeks almost. It's good to be home. It's going to take time to get adjusted and change some things, but that's okay. If it were a quick fix I don't think we would learn much from it. I'm going to go see a doctor about anti-depressants soon. This is a confusing issue for me, but I hope it won't be after I get more information. Since I've been home I've been going through an exhausting down period. I don't like it. I want to be able to tolerate the little things and be rational for the big ones. We'll see where it goes and what will happen. I need something, my body is obviously not equipped to handle my swings. I have tried taking SAM-e for awhile. It helped at first, but not anymore. Time to move onto something else.

By the way, just for the record.....I drove 16 hours, in one day, with three kids by myself...SUPER MOM!

So many thoughts, not enough brain space

I've been extremely neglectful of my blog lately.....purposefully, though. I've wanted to blog, but not so sure as to how to blog : truthfully, freely, responsibly.

I'm here currently in Indiana at my mother's home with the kids. I've been here going close to two weeks now. I've been on quite a journey since I have been here. The first couple of days were meant for no thinking about anything I was taking a break from. I did this somewhat successfully. Then I went into Spastic mode of not knowing which direction to go, what I wanted, and then it hit me......maybe I should just stop trying to figure that out and just find myself once again. I've lost a part of myself I may never be able to get back. I'm not sure how it happened, it just did. I was easily losing myself and things I enjoyed and appreciated about myself. In it's place I have found a deep strong fear. Fear of many things such as my singing, my art, my sewing, myself as a person (mother, wife, friend......) It was a hole sucking the very life out of me....sucking out the hope of any light being shed upon our struggling family. That fear is what is killing my spirit.

To be broken is a lot of things, but one thing it isn't is painless. During this time of no light seen and no hope felt, I decided to push myself to really seek the true face of God and His view on my life. I was tired of getting no where with my view...
Let's face it running in circles gets you faster to insanity than anything when it comes to your emotions. Through God's grace I have been able to build that hope up inside me, that passion I use to have, but also through God's grace and mercy, I was able to mend a long lost friendship together once again. A friendship I had turned my back on because of fear. It's amazing how long this gap was, yet how easily once given an opportunity, how God could build a bridge and send healing. I aim to come home next week. I hope to be ready to be strong and sincere, and loving.

Kid's Fall Fest

This night was a lot of fun. I got to paint all over other people's kids, while other children read stories and sang songs. Great food, great people. I unfortunately missed a lot of the stories/songs, but it was still a good time. Saw some friends I haven't seen in a long time...very good stuff. It's good to see their faces. Some live in San Fran, and some live here in Dallas, but our schedules clash very often. I hope to spend more time with them tomorrow.

So I'm singing a song tomorrow.....I'm excited, but am convinced I'll suck. We'll see. I pray God will give me the voice and rhythm if this will be inspiring to anyone at all.

I think that is all I can dig up for now. My camera is working once again. Pictures soon to come to my flickr page.

Not much Time...But Must Blog

So it has been awhile since my last blog.....bad Heather!

Sorry I've been both going insane and have been extremely busy at the same time. I'm tired and worn, but there have been some great things have happened.

We are officially and totally moved. Well, there is one car full left, but other than that, we're out of there! Yay!

I got to go to an Evanescence concert (MY FAVORITE BAND)! Not ONLY did I get to go , but I also got to meet them! It was really cool. I needed to get out, and that was just fun. It was an awesome show, and even though I was by myself, it rocked!



Our family is becoming a better family than we have been in a really long time. We are just grooving together better. Tis really good.

I did a face painting/tattoo booth at the school fall carnival today. It was fun and my booth made $130.00 for the school. I rock.....okay maybe not, but it was good to be a part of it while the kids ran about and played games.

I'm exhausted right now, but I wanted to check in with you guys, if there is anyone out there. Take care!

Still waiting

Yep, it may be a little while before we are again connected in the web world. On top of that my email account, well the only one that I use for important emails anyways, is out of order. I'm hoping to get that fixed soon.

Please keep your prayers going for our lil family. A lot of struggles right now. Please lift up Mikah, he's going through a ton of things he doesn't understand. Thanks.

Waiting for technology

We don't have internet or a home phone, due to the internet. We do have our cell, so if you need to contact us, that's the way to go. Please be praying for our family. I can't go into details, but we truly need every single prayer we can get. Thanks.

Tomorrow

Wow, tomorrow we will sleep in a new place. Not all of our items are moved over, but most are and what is, is already in it's space for the most part. It bothers me to leave this area, but excites me to live close with community....and to live where God desires us to be.

I was thrilled last night. I closed the bar with Dawn, Mark, Gail, and lucy doing Karaoke. NICE! I also got my friend Angela to do Alanis Moorisette, You Oughta Know with me...IT TWAS AWESOME. Very fun times. I think I have most of the ladies at LGBC dedicated to this place. Hee hee hee, spread the addiction of karaoke :)

Mikah has a chance to be on CBS morning show with a big group of boy scouts. There's problems though that are arising for us to get him there. We will see, and let you know...oh yeah, SOMEONE better tape this for me! If it happens. Who knows. Right now we have to work out the schedule.

Kiwi's asthma is yucky right now. I'm awaiting her next dose, so we can get her to stop wheezing. It's not an emergency, but it needs to stop now. It's scary going ot bed knowing she's wheezing. I just want her to breath freely. I need to get Asa checked out for his cough. He's had a cough for quite the while. Just about as long as Kiara. Makes me wonder about him too. That's how Kiara's kind of started. She was just coughing a lot for a long period of time. Any prayers would rock.

Well, it is time to rest. Good night.

Tis the day

Today we begin moving our things. We'll attempt to get out everything we don't need. The electricity doesn't get turned on until Wednesday, and it was supposed to be turned off yesterday. I'm sure we would like to live simply eventually, but nows not that time, so we wait :) . Last night I needed to get so much done, but my body wasn't letting me. I'm so tired, I haven't been getting much sleep since I knew that we were going to move. I'm excited about it, but more so about the time that will happen after the move and unpacking is done. I've promised pictures, so today I'll go over before anything is moved and get some good ones.

Last night we cleaned out the fridge and the cabinets. We have tons of cabinets, so it took us a good three and half hours to clean the kitchen. But, IT'S CLEAN :) It looks very nice.

If anyone is in the area today or Wednesday during the day that wants to help us move stuff, email us, or give us a call.

Beer at Christian Events

So I was talking to this person just a tad bit about church, and he mentioned how someone asked for a beer at a church event down here, and everyone just spazzed out on that person. I just kind of scoffed at the people spazzing, and he laughed. He said, that he found it funny how people from the Indiana/Chicago area finds it weird NOT to have beer at Christian events. I guess he didn't go to my old church :)

Looking Back on the beginning days of Rants

I just realized something very important to myself. Years ago when we were in our boxed church, we were trying to get some great relationships started, and tried to encourage people to meet in their homes....just stirring the pot pretty much. What I remember most is the conversation where Scott and I were talking about reaching out to people. Going where the people are, not drag them in. Go to the coffee shops, libraries, bars, and clubs. Be there where many Christians dare not go. They just seemed appalled we would mention a bar. Especially what we came out of with partying. But what this group didn't understand was our hearts cries out to those people we use to be around. We now know Jesus is the way, how are we going to shed His truthful living light if we can't real them in. I don't remember Jesus putting out bait traps or anything...He went straight up to the prostitues and lepers, where no one would dare go, and hung out and partied with these people.

"Oh, you are the most diseased person in town, come hang out with me, let me give you a hug, cause you are my brother." "Do you realize what it is that you are doing? You can get my disease!" "Oh, yeah I realize what I'm doing, I'm showing my brother how he can live with me forever in the best place imaginable." "Why would you do such a thing, what will the others think?" "Because I can't rest well if I don't try to show you how to live better. That's what family does, and if the others don't see that then I'm sad for them, because it may take them longer to realize the truth. Come, let me show you how it's done and maybe you can be the one to go to them." "But I'm afraid I will disappoint you." "My Dad, the top dog, knew you before you were born, and told me all about you....I know what you can handle." "Thank you Jesus" "Yes, and thank you, brother"

I still love those people, though with many issues we just don't agree with. Our heart flies elsewhere, and that's okay. Either way I'm very thankful for God calling me to where He wants me, and that we are in a place around people that support us with our crazy ideas. But most of all it just feels good to know that we aren't just talking about it anymore. We are finally out here doing what we've ranted and raved about for years. I pray I will always be willing.


Believe me I totally understand not going into a bar if you have an issue with alcohol, you shouldn't go where you can't handle the temptions of your strongest sins. I personally shouldn't go to gay bars. Not until I can maintain a mindset where I can control my drinking there. There's a heavy spirit in those places that hit close to home. The people I always ended up hanging out with were very fun people, and it's hard for me to say no when I've had more to drink than I should in that setting. The spirit that dwells there is convincing that getting trashed like the rest of them is the best thing for you. To drown out your sorrows of what half of the world thinks of you with intoxication. I use to be surrounded heavily with this kind of crowd when I was in my party years. But any other bar, I'm fine, I can have one drink, two at most and be fine. It's very wise to know, understand, and respect your toughest temptations. Respect I guess more your weakness for them.

Sorry, this is a bit longer than I planned it to be. Have a great evening.

Why God wants me in a bar

I went out to the karaoke bar tonite. It was truly a God-mission. I didn't really realize it until I got there, and met some awesome people. I went by myself, which before arrival I was a bit nervous, but once I got there, it felt like home to just sit by strangers and start talking. I met this couple who are really great people. Little did I know that once I started talking to them, that we would have a ton of things in common! It was awesome, like the first time meeting someone, knowing you have a great friendship starting. It was my turn to go up, and they came in to be my support group on a whim. I talked with them for a bit, and got the guy to do a song too. They didn't even know karaoke was there tonight! While we were there talking I asked if she knew what henna was, she got really excited and started going on how she used to throw henna parties all of the time, but hasn't in awhile because of not many people who know about it. I did some henna on her hand while we talked some more, then she mentioned she works for a new magazine company who is just starting off here in Dallas. I asked her what she did, she said she was a fashion designer. WHAT??? This was meant to be. We exchanged numbers almost immediately. Her boyfriend also has kids my kids' ages and I mentioned a family karaoke place, and they want to come when we do it. I can't wait. I see this as a great beginning to diving into this community that gathers there. God just keeps me in awe about it all too. Hee hee.

Dry Sockets with encouragement

It's been a rough couple of weeks for me, but I have a feeling it's soon to end. I am in healing with my dry sockets, and no one has a cold. Yay! I should be fully healed in five to six days. I'm very much looking forward to that. Unfortuantely between my cold last week, and my pain this week, I've missed a total of 5 days on my next paycheck. Ouch. But in all honesty, I needed to take those times off. Thank God my boss is so very understanding! Any other boss would have fired me.

Good news on the horizon! I'm very encouraged about our moving situation. No reason, other than God is shining His grace on me about it and giving me faith to perservere. We have no money, no idea, but we have a target and our focus is on God about it, so it's all good!. I can't wait until this place is ours. This place is perfect in many, many ways.

To the right we have a column about our situation. We need prayers, tons of prayers. Anyone who will even take ten seconds to pray for our housing situation, please do, pass it on, put it on your prayer request at church. If God leads you to support us in any other way, great, but I'm begging for your prayers. I don't feel desparate, but encouraged to ask for all the prayers we can get. I know God will provide, it's just a matter of when, where, who, and how. Thank you friends. Much love and many blessings to you all.

yuck

I am pretty sure we found our future home. And maybe for the next few years, we'll find that out very soon I think.
On the recovery note. I hurt, bad. Do you realize how hard it is to barely talk when you have three kids that just don't listen? I believe it is time to bring in the hard and cruel law. The one that puts the fear in your children the milisecond they cross the line. Anyways...more daydreaming later. Pain sucks, alot. What even sucks more than pain is the kind the you have to take heavy doses of narcotics that make you nauseated. And imagine having that with three kids. I've missed work, and I'm tired of feeling ill and in pain. Anyways, here I am, still just waiting to wake up pain free.

Hopefully next time I blog, we'll know more about our new place. :)

Blessed are those who mourn,

Matt 5:4 Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.


Some may easily confused about this passage. Why would we want to mourn? What if we have nothing to mourn for? The message on my heart about that is, we have many things to mourn. There are so many things going on in this world let alone just down the street from you. When you grieve and mourn, you allow your heart to be awkened to the reality of something painful that has or is happening. It's the acceptance to feel pain.

What do I want to do when I read this? I desire to choose a day here and there to mourn and pray for something that I haven't any choice other than to pray and mourn.

This month I choose the subject of human trafficking. Where children are sold or kidnapped into sexual slavery and abuse. Where these poor souls will be forced to hand their whole bodies over almost 40 times a day to total stranger to have what they will with them for the right price. For the parents of these individuals who don't know what has happened with their missing, or do know but still can't find their baby. For those who are killed just for getting ill from the torture their body has been forced to go through. My heart sinks for this issue. Its drowning as a matter of fact. Awareness is one thing but what else can you do? My heart feels led to prayer, a consistent prayer that can be done daily.

I read stories and true happenings, then I look at my daughter. The tears start flowing. I look over at my boys, and they just keep flowing. How can someone do this to a child or anyone?? I would be lying if I didn't say my heart filled with hatred towards people who do this. God is helping me with this, but man, in all honesty I really don't want to let go of this hate. The world has easily taught myself of revenge and how hate can bring you strength. Thankfully God knows my heart better and can sweet talk to me into His world, where only truth is told.

Kristen gave a website with a lot of information.

Sweet loving Jesus, I beg you to wrap around your children in sexual slavery. Protect them in their hearts, minds, and bodies. Set them free, oh God. Set them free. I plead for their lives and well being God. Return them to their family, let them go home. Let them find themselves in you Jesus. Let them find their freedom there. Sweet Jesus,I know your heart breaks for those in these bondages, allow their prey to feel this heart break with every breath they take God. Put your justice through each of them. Hear my prayer , Oh God, hear my cries! Set them free, and grant them your unfailing love and healing. Thank you Jesus.

The night after

Ow, is about all I can say right now. I'm currently awaiting for my kick-butt pain medicine to start working. Having your teeth surgically removed is no picnic, I must say. Thank God for a community that will willingly kidnap your kids to make you rest. I missed church tonight and I'm sad for it. I get obsessive about being a part of the community. This realization is more and more everyday. It just seems as though I can never get enough. I'm not saying this is a bad hing, it just helps me realize living in a community house would be great for me. My cheeks are swollen, and part of my lower lip is bruised. I look as though somebody did a serious smacking around on my face. This is where I should say, "If you think I look bad, you should see the other person!" Nah, but hey if your children ever fall (Which they WILL) and get left with an ever-last, horrible bruising this is what you say. Its funny, to everyone. Okay anyways I wanted to check in, let ya know I'm as well as to be expected, but am recovering. Yay.

Painful Process, but hey it happens

My gums are infected due to my ripping wisdom tooth that decided to pop through. It hurts, pretty bad. I was told I wouldn't be able to get them out for a month and a half due to appointment issues, yet on the same call I was put on hold for awhile and when she came back on I was able to get my consultation done today and go under the knife tomorrow. Yay GOD! Bummer! Yay! Friggin' OUCH! I can't wait to be healed already. It'll be good.

Housing stuff, well a closed door has appeared in front of us about buying, which I give praise for because too many open doors can make a person insane. We still have many closed, yet hopefully will open soon doors which lay ahead with apartments, but we're still inside the wait upon God's great beauty to shine through and keep on trusting in Him. Yes, I get discouraged, but honestly I think my mind would be numb if not due to the long, long , long searches in all areas, and slammed doors in our faces. I've been told many times what we seek doesn't exist. Hmmmm. Okay, but if by the miraculous chance it does show up, could you call me? Thanks. Click. Moving is hard, but it is time. My heart knows it and every bite I get is just another affirmation we are moving in the right direction.

Poor Scott broke his toe, and it's causing him some pain. There's unfortunately not much to do other than prop it up and ice it, take IBProfen, and don't wear certain shoes. I remember when I chipped my tail bone. I begged my mom to take me to the hospital, and when she did all they gave me was some narcotics and told me to stay off me bum. Bones breaking hurts. Please pray for his very fast healing and easing of pain and discomfort.

Man, oh man, many mnay things just appear to be changing. Its not so hot out anymore PRAISE GOD! What was He thinking making this friggin' state He called us to sooo friggin' hot!?! He's crazy, plain and simple, Brilliant, but crazy!

Went to the Massive Attack concert with Scott. That was fun! I was sicker than a dog, but still went and had fun. I can't say no to a concert, just don't have it in me.

Stage, seek, pound

So my funny Honey, Scotty, decided last night to point out to me my titles in the RSS feed, and wow, I've been bitchy and depressed, huh? Well, even before that I've been trying so hard to write somethings that are positive and going, on, but in all honestly it truelly has been rough emotionally for me. I needed today, sooooooooo bad. The past week and a half Mikah's class has been going through training and practice for tonight where the whole 2nd grade did a tribute for what happened years ago on 9/11. Mikah's wonderful teacher had asked me if it was okay if Mikah read a story to the audience. I said it was okay with me, but the trick was getting him excited enough to do it happily. I told her honestly, we would do our best to encourage him, but the biggest part will come from her, because he really strives to make her happy. Suck-up, heh heh just kidding :) But seriously, if this kid is missing something or thinks he has done something wrong, he spazzes out and will work his tail off to make it right. Anyways, two days after we tell him he says he doesn't want to do it. I told him that if that was his choice he is to be the one to tell her, not me, because I think he would do well. He didn't talk about it, but his daddy talked with his teacher about how we as parents think its importnat that she doesn't let him back out of it, but try to encourage him. And boy she did! Yesterday and today he's been nervous, but excited about it, and has been practicing very hard. We couldn't arrive fast enough for him! He was so nervous but thrilled about it, it was adorable. He goes up, and I quickly call his daddy on the phone...it brought tears to me, not many, but man they wanted to flow. I realized at that moment, I can't take pride in this victory, neither can his teacher, but God truelly gave him a voice and the courage. He spoke in front of at least 60-80 people....NO JOKE! That a lot of frigging people! Plus, he did it TWICE! He had to at the last minute fill in for a kid who didn't show up, and then read a whole book to the auditorium. That's some guts man!


I'm just so blown away by him, and how much of an advantage he's got to be willing to face his fears like that. Makes me wonder what God has in store for him.

We are still on the search and in the questions of: to buy or to rent, to ghetto with community, or on our own, or wait for a miracle in our area to show up, 2 bedroom or 3 bedroom, and I'm positive God has a place, we just get to run into it.

I've been practicing on the djembe drum, that's frigging fun and addicting! I'm pounding to music I listen to and just trying to find my own beat. My hands and wrists are sore just from tonight, man I beat that thang! It felt sooooooooooo good.I'm also playing during church to get in some practice too. Thank God I'm with a group that understand the learning process!

Whatever

Not so good here. Feeling heavily discouraged just about me. My memory is going weird. I look and look in the same place for things, really thinking they are there, look slowly, look fast, it's not there. But you better believe if I go to that space place, not looking for the object, just at the brink of giving up, it's there. This has happened many many many many times in the past couple of days. After it happens I really feel something is wrong. Or at least going on. My brain isn't working the way it needs to.

Asa has been a terror lately. I don't even want to go into the details right now. But man, this kid better straighten up NOW, because I have no patience or tolerance for the crap he's been doing.

I'm exhausted, I feel like a fool, I'm stressed, and I just feel pissed off right now because I'm allowing myself to feel and react this way.

You want the list??

Wow, today was filled with much of letting family outside of the state know what's going on....then I realized I need to let my blog family know too. So much stuff I can ramble on, but time is crunching, so here's the list for those who haven't read my blog in awhile:

1. Started a new job and am coming up on my 2 month anniversary....and I must say this is the best job I have ever had!

2. Mikah is in 2nd grade at a local public elementary school and is loving it. His teacher always boasts about him and his reading skills. Mikah will be taking a test soon for a TAG (talented and gifted) program to see if he can get in, where he would be pulled out of class every now and then and do very imaginative things. He's also making a bunch of new friends, one I met today and he even wrote a story about Mikah for homework, how cute!

3. Kiara is in Pre-K. She lves it very much, and also is making new friends. She has a bunch of things in her class that she can play very imaginatively with. Also she is learning how to write and recognize letter sounds, shapes, and colors. She goes all day like Mikah. Her allergies have been getting bad these past couple of weeks, and when they are very bad, she gets a verey high temperature...my poor baby.

4. Asa is home with daddy.....these two boys are really enjoying each other, and getting to know each other in a whole new world. Very new and cool.

5. We are taking the steps of moving. Putting our trust in God to help us get out of this home. We have been battling with fleas and roaches for quite the while, they won't DIE and stay dead. Also there is some water damage I'm concerned about mildew or something from a flooding in the apartment next to us. It is very visible on our wall. I have noticed that about an hour after Kiara returns from school to home, her allergies seem to be worse than when she arrived. Maybe just my imagination, but that's how it appears, I'll be keeping an eye out for her.

Moving....hmmm.... We have no money and the area we want to be in is ridiculously priced, other than the place we are trying to leave. Also moving is stressful and mind crunching. But I really feel God is nudging us out, so we put in our 60 day notice to vacate and if we can't find something by september, then we'll retract the notice and hang here until tax time....we'll see what God has in store soon enough.

6. Mikah is now officially signed up for cub scouts. This is very fun and exciting stuff. I can't wait to see what this year has in store for him. Busy busy busy.

7. I signed up for a class at El Centro College today for Beginners Spanish class on Saturday mornings. This is a very wise thing for work, and I'm hoping it'll help out a lot in communicating to the ladies at work. Oy, I'm going back to school. Good thing its only one class, I think I would be ripping my hair out otherwise.

8. My wonderful father-in-law adjusted the throttle on my car or something and it has become soooo much easier to drive. I still need to practice, but it'll come to me soon enough. Please pray my body will stay cool enough with out getting heat sick. It doesn't have A/C and it gets to be 106 degrees down here.

9. Karaoke night, Monday nights at the Tippery Inn just down the road from us. So many God opportunities there.... a community is already there and I feel led to become a part of it. I see henna, karaoke, and Christ in a bar. Awesome.

10. I will be having wisdom teeth surgury as soon as I get my other teeth taken care of. This is a heavy thing because of our finances, but I believe we can hack it for awhile.

I'm sure there's something I'm forgetting, but oh well, that is all for now. Much love to you all.

hello

Wow, not in the blogging season I suppose. Oh well, let me allow you to hear the majority of my excuses:

1. I have been entertaining In-Laws, which has been fun!
2. I have been trying to adapt to our new go-go-go routine with the children in school
Yeah this may take awhile.
3. I forgot
4. I have three kids, well four if you are like me and count your hubby ;)
5. EXHAUSTED in my mind
6. Depression is kicking my butt
7. oh yeah did I mention my three kids??


Much more to come...not enough time now.

Ummmmmm, yeahhhhh

I'm getting the three Miller-teers ready for bed and making sure all of the school stuff is ready for tomorrow and yada yada yada. Wow, I have school kids. Or at least kid until we find out tomorrow about Kiwi. She has these little skorts that are just sooooo adorable! Mikah looks so handsome. They have to wear uniforms, if you didn't know, and man oh man, who thought that a white shirt was a good idea for part of the uniform??? I want to know. Obvious it wasn't a parent, that's for sure. Hello! Kids! Stains! Hee hee, okay, that's my venting moment about that. Other than that they look soooo cute and it's so easy finding their outfits...yay!

Game night/day was today/night. It was fun. We played Crazy 8's and Life. We have to do this regularly and get some more games too. I love playing games, so do the kids. Any ideas out there for family nights? I'm searching for something that we all can do together that would be fun and cheap. Ooooh, pictionary for kids.....Uno, dice....I think Mikah knows how to play poker, go fish, and maybe rummy. Okay enough rambling.

So to the important grown-up talk....Asa just farted, and he giggles and says, "I far-weed!" Too cool little man, too cool.

I watched V is for Vendetta last night and it was pretty good. Makes you think of what the future holds, and how it will compare.
I see it very likely, unfortunately, just because of how much media can fog reality, yet so many people take the media's word for truth.....hmmm. Just watch it...it's good for the thinking.

Update---I really am alive

Wow, so much has happened, yet I have so little time to blog. Tick tock tick tock. My family came in for a week , had a blast at the waterpark and kareoke bar, as well as some fun at home with games. I miss them so much already. Asa turned 2 August 13th, YAY!! Mikah started public school this week and is LOVING IT! He's making friends and his teacher is very very nice. God definitely matched him with a good one, for sure! He's excited about doing homework and is doing very well. They are now in a review time to see how much each kid knows. Kiara possible starts Pre-K next Monday. We should find out Friday. She takes a test tomorrow to see how much she knows or something. Work is going very well, I'm happy to see Friday, but also happy to see Monday. Those days to sleep in are nice, but its also a good feeling when you have a day full of things accomplished. Let's see what else....OH YEAH! LGBC got a drum and I'm learning how to play it! Yay. I won't be as good as Joshua and Kristen, but hey, it'll bring that good feeling of their presence. Scott's parents arrive next week also, and will be here for 7 days! I'm excited about that. I truelly have been blessed with in-laws....(especially my father-in-law who can be as ornery as myself ;) I have a feeling something truelly edifying will happen while they are here. Not sure quite what that is yet...we'll soon find out. Oh yeah, I'm learning how to drive a stick shift....man that looks SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much easier than it is. At least that first gear, man it hates me! Reverse too. I found myself praying today not to allow me to stop fully, so I can keep the car going and if I do stop let me go without killing it or screeching the tires like a nut. Yeah still working on that. Grrr. Well, that's about it for now. Just wanted to give an update. It may be a little while until I can blog again. Oh yeah....looking for a new place in the area. God has one picked out, we just got wait for Him to reveal it. Hee hee.

4 Years, Feels Like 8

Today Scott and I celebrated our 4th year anniversary of marriage. I must say it feels like 8 because we have known each other for that long. We have come through a lot more than we ever planned, let alone dreamed. So many memories, so many struggles, so many times where it was so hard to push on, yet with this has been soooooo many joys, and blessings and triumphs and growth, and movement. It's been a great evening with Trinity Hall, go karts, the batting cage, Blue Goose margaritas, and great conversation. Cheers to the 5th year!

Break My Back Smoothly

I feel worn, and wearily. My emotions are shot right now, and I just can keep going like this. I'm seeking something I can't find here.....I didn't know what it was before. I saught it in movies, songs, web blogs, emails, and only God knows what else. My heart is strained and my body is fed up, and I'm sure my kids are done with it. I'm throwing in the towel. I'm down on my knees and I'm finally where I need to be. Face to the floor, tears flowing, heart open. I hate it when this shoots you when you thought things were going good. Yet I love how God knows how to tear you down away from the world and lift you up in His arms. I'm in the tearing down process right now. Right now I look at myself. I'm an impatient mother that yells too much instead of listens and plays. I'm an angry person at anything and take it out on my husband and children. I yell, I'm unreasonable, I'm pathetic, a hippocrit, and just plain suck. I'm tired of my temper and my brokeness. I hate it when I realize I'm screwing up my kids.

I've been seeking something to lift my feelings up, to exercise my emotions, but I am finally realizing, God doesn't want my emotions to be exercised by the Glossy world.
I need it by servicing Him. By actually going through it and living. What sucks about this is there are somethings you just don't want to experience because it's painful and hard. I don't know where I'm going with this, but I mostly wanted to let you all know I'm taking a break. I'm hoping to be able to occupy my time where it's really needed.

There's Something In Something!

Man, everyone is pregnant....this is pretty cool. Well, not everyone, but a lot of people are, or just had a baby. It's so awesome to watch, even through the web, God just sprouting his children left and right. And what's even more exciting is these children are in homes where He is at the center. Very neat stuff.

Well, Wednesday is a day to celebrate. 4 years (feels like 8) of marriage. Wow...that's pretty cool. It's so amazing what we as a couple have been through, and even more amazing what we as a family have been through. It's good to look back and see God's hands in situations where it seemed hopeless....yet here we are.

I went to the worship ending of the Tribal Awakening last night....I almost didn't go. My depression was sinking me and other things as well. But a friend talked me into going, and so I went with the older kids. It was just what I needed. To just lay all this crap down and let it go. Somethings still seem clingy, but even for that moment of time. I felt free. I crave this freedom for a permanent rest area.

Emotional=Hopeful=Refreshed

I'm not too sure what I'm going to say or how, but all day long I've been feeling the need to post about something......so here we go: SOMETHING

I'm feeling a tad bit emotionally tired. I felt this way BEFORE I decided to watch some chic flick movies. Those actually really helped me let it all out. I hate crying, I always have. It makes me feel like a really horrible person, or stupid, or weak. I honestly don't really remember how this got imprinted into me, but it is. One thing I realize is that I bottle things up when I should just let it go. I'm actually better at this than I use to be, but there's still a lot of work to be done. I don't hold in anger....that's one thing..the first thing I've learned to release. But sometimes it's that deep sadness from the absolute unknown that grips me. It's frustrating, though, especially when you don't want to feel like that. When you just want that feeling of joy. The movies really helped me though. I was able to just relax and enjoy them, but also appreciate the kind of stories they told. Those stories that just pierce you and make you really think about the kind of person you are, and the kind you want to be. I'm not talking like: I want to be a superstar. I'm talking about having more patience, being kind and patient even when you just don't feel like it, and keeping your nerve when its time to do the right thing.

I desire and will always desire to become a better person. I'm thankful there's always room for improvement.

Yes, I'm writing while I'm in an emotional state, and yes I'm talking about it. Some may not like it or think it's right, but there are those who may read it and finally feel that sensation that they are not alone, and get some sense of comfort in just knowing that. But dear reader please know this, it's normally after I write this and release it, that it's gone from me, and I am refreshed. I pray it'll be the same for you after you are done reading.

Waking Up

At the moment I'm waiting to go to the store, but it's almost 6 am and nothing opens until 6...so just dawdling. Everyone's asleep, I feel really tired, so I wish I was too. But then again I JUST woke up :)

It's so amazing to me what people go through in thier lives. I have heard so many 'Oh, man I hope that's not true" kind of life stories that unfortunately are true. Breaks my heart.

I guess that' where I'm at right now. Just trying to be very thankful for what I do have and for what I have experienced.

What a night

Okay, so I'm not sure exactly what order, but it all happened. Poor Mikah has been on the potty for 4 1/2 hours tonight....STRAIGHT. Why??? He felt like he just really needed to pee. Pain????Nope no pain. Pressure??? Nope no pressure. Burning sensation??? Nope, no burning. Well, I asked a med student that has done a lot of pediatrics, and ER nurse who has had almost 20 years of experience, and anyone else who crosses my path. No one has a clue. The man just felt a strong urge to pee for 4 1/2 hours, yet only able to pee in little amounts. This all is very rare, and pretty much unheard of. Wow I feel as though I have said that recently.....yes I have...with Kiara with the mumps being fully vaccinated! Also while I was struggling to take care of Mikah, Asa decides to be the biggest pill ever. He's throwing toddler tantrums left and right, while I was on the phone, he got ahold of the vaseline (bad mommy, you think after two other kids I would LEARN to nail vaseline to the wall!) All over the futon, all over him. I actually had little vaseline hand prints on my futon cover! On top of that Kiara has been NEEDING to play on the computer with games she constantly needs help with. She really fails to realize the true meaning of NEED.....next Kiwi lesson...hmmm. Also while I was on the phone with someone else trying to get some cranberry in the house for Mikah, Asa throws one of his tantrums on the couch, which consists of throwing his whole body back behind him and in the process busting his head open on the hard wooden arm of the futon...no blood thankfully, but a big head ache for the little man. Oy. Oh yeah , my little princess... is ALWAYS hunger/thirsty , so she decides that everytime that Asa is screaming, and Mikah needs me that she is hungry/thirsty. So that was the bad.

Yay, it's over! Mikah right now is feeling much better, the other two are calmed down, and I'm about to crash into bed while entrusting my wonderful hubby to take care of the rugrats. Or at least I hope ;) Though tonight was hard, I'm very happy Mikah is feeling better.

Wowza

I'm in a bit of a shock....let's just say that I'm glad God understands me and my actions way more than I do. As well as enough to counteract my actions before they become final decisions....Yes...God is good.

Breathing one breath at a time

The past couple of days have just felt overwhelming to me. Hormonal, yes, but there's definitely a struggle going on that I'm not clear on what and why. I feel like I'm on the edge, not sure if I need to jump, stand, or turn back and retrace my steps. Boy, do I crave for some of God's fullfillment. 

Work has been going really good. Though there are times when I'm just not sure if I'm doing a good job or not, but I think that's mostly my fears trying to pearce through. Somedays its really hard to talk with my boss, yet others, it seems like that's so easy.

If you desire to pray, pray for peace inside me. I'm at a loss of the feeling of ease. I feel as though I have been on the go for awhile....this may be my own doing, but a lot of the things I'm doing is important......so whatcha gonna do?

Untitled

I've put up some new pictures on Flickr. They're not organized, some, well most are older. Still you gotta check it out.

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Spaz, freak, bitch, horrible mother, disgusting wife, apathetic daughter, slacker, ignorant, not worthy of God, hippacrit.........

These are some of the things the enemy is trying to convince me that I am right now. And I'm struggling a tad with it being so heavy. But this is beautiful.....why??? Because I am ONLY struggling a tad. I am able to recognize these lies for what they are, and haven't wasted much time in the resistance. I use to just sink totally into it, and granted there will be days again like that, but today is beautiful, because during this time, I just crave God and Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. I am promised freedom from this oppression, and He will deliver.

I think all I need right now is energy...

This was my first almost full week (july 4th, no worky) and its tiring trying to adjust to that, and then come home and work on the house.....Oh yeah, I have needy kids too....hmmmm.

I want you to look at the above picture. I drew this the night of our 24 hour Prayer session. I was just drawing, and I ended up drawing this. Not with sad upset thoughts, but of overwhelming joy. So overwhelming that the tears have to flow, in order for the whole emotion for Christ and His mercy and grace can shine thoroughly. I drew this before I realized who I was drawing. On the way home from Austin I learned who this person was.....it was me. That trip to Austin changed a lot about my view of the God I follow, and it changed it for the better. I always desired to follow a God who still reveals His power today, a God that is quirky, and gets your attention.

I recently watched End of the Spear. My heart just totally opened up, and poured out. Tears were flowing. This is such a powerful movie. I can't find the words to express the emotions I went through watching this movie. I was told people have said this is the best movie they will never watch again......for myself, I disagree. I'm actually watching it again tonight.

Good night, and may God shine through you to those around you, may it be your children, or strangers.

some pics

My family is so cute!

Hearing God's voice in the little things

I was just watching Asa play with this light tube that has a string on the end for necklace purposes. He had both ends of the string, one in each hand, and the middle was wrapped around the chair. He kept pulling on both ends, and couldn't seem to get it unwrapped. He refused to let go of either end, yet he was getting so frustrated with not being able to free it. He finally decided to just let go of both ends. It fell onto the floor, he sat back in the chair, sighed, then smiled. He was free. All it took for him to let go of his own control.

Does this remind you of something? We want things the way we want them, yet we soooo desire to be free. God wants us to let go of that control freak inside, that desire to have to have things our way, to just let it go, and allow God's freedom to surround us lovingly.

He was frustrated, he was determined, he was despaerate, he let go. It didn't happen the way he wanted it to, but in the end it was the best way it ever could have happened.

My baby is the hairless wonder...pics coming soon.

Isn't he cute?

today....it happened, is happening, and wish it would

This is about the third time I have tried to blog today. I would start to write earlier , but my heart wasn't in the place that I wanted to write about. I was struggling with my mood swings, but I was mostly strugling with my surroundings. We're too cluttered here, too much stuff that doesn't have a place. It felt as though it were consuming us and our space.This is going to be my project this month. Make some shelves, buy some containers.....get this mess organized for good. Also go through everything we own, and weigh the importance of keeping it. This has to happen, and I really believe it will. Yet I still wonder if that is what was really wrong....hmmm.

On a much brighter note, the craft show I did yesterday was a great success with my henna. I did henna tattoos for a charge, offered up my skirts, wrap pants, shirt and purses I had sewn up, my candle votives, and crosses. My friend was selling her beaded jewelry. I made a decent amount. I was actually shocked. It was fun though, I haven't had much of a chance to hang out with my frinds forever and to have two days in a week where we hung out for long hours at a time, that was sooooo worth sitting in the heat. I missed my girls :)

On the kid/pain in the bum note, Mikah cut my hair as I was typing earlier, and while I was doing dishes, Asa snagged the container of rice and walked throughout the living room and dining room unnoticed, spreading rice everywhere while he munched on it. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. These kids need either some kind of device that prevents them from doing such things. Like say Mikah goes to hit his sister, but his hand isn't able to get but an inch or two from her....yeah that would be awesome. Dreams can be nice ;)

This is where its at, yo

Below is info about where the craft show is. My booth will be number 40....I'm not sure if you can tell, but we'll find out. I'm excited, yet tired. It'll be a lot of fun. Come on by and get a henna tattoo!

July 1-2 & 4, 2006 - FESTIVAL - Garland: Star Spangled 4th. Let us capture your imagination, wow you with the spectacle, and create memories for a lifetime. Welcome to Garland's award-winning Star Spangled 4th celebration, a five-day extravaganza in historical downtown Garland featuring music, food, crafts, and non-stop entertainment for all ages. Don't miss our spectacular evening parade, exciting midway, arts and crafts, auto show, motorcycle show, and more. Nightly choreographed fireworks and laser and light shows. Fun exhibits and attractions. Cost: Free admission and parking. Location: Historic Downtown Garland. www.starspangledfourth.com

Kids.....the plague is lifting

The kids are doing much better. Kiara hasn't complained about pain in awhile, which is awesome. Mikah and Asa practically aren't coughing anymore. Thanks for all of your prayers. I better go, Asa is being a rotten booger.

Orientation & Craft Show

I went to my job orientation today, and I must say, I'm really excited about this job! I'm training to become an office manager. I'll be working 30+ hours a week, but still be home by 2:30pm. I'll have to clean about three homes just to get experience under my belt, but other than that I'll be mostly in the office. This is my first office job. I'm normally busting my bum physically, or running a cash register, or chasing after kids that think they can attempt to run the house (I still have this job).

It'll still be challenging I'm sure, but I really feel I'll like this job, and do it well. I also feel very confident that God has His hands in this job. And that just feels awesome.

I've been invited to join a friend's booth at a craft show this Saturday. I'm making purses, and decorating candle votives and also I'm making up henna kits, as well as I plan to offer my henna designer services. I also will bring what clothing items I have sewn in the past. I hope to sew up some skirts and wrap pants real quick before hand as well. I think Friday night will be a long one, for sure. But I'm really excited about it all, and hope to bring in at least enough cash for the next show they have as well as enough to cover what I paid for in supplies. That would mean that the next show will be all profit...I can deal with that. Either way this is good for me, and I hope to do this once a month or so.

Asthmatic, Croup, Bronchitis, the Mumps & a Cold that is kicking our tails

I come before you all now asking for any prayers I can get for our family. We're getting struck hard with our health right now, and it seems to just keep coming. It started with Kiara, Mikah and I prayer walking when we didn't realize it was a red ozone day. It flared up Kiara's asthma and in a day or so she had a very bad cold. Mikah next got it, and was coughing so hard he was actually gasping for air at times, especially at night. I was told he had Croup. Then Asa, Scott and I all got sick with it. Asa now has bronchitis, I have migraines and sinus pain, and Scott, who can barely take cold medicine, is actually taking it out of desperation because of how horrible he feels. I took Asa and Kiara in last night to ER. I took Kiara in because right under her jawbone, she was swelling intensely, and for the past two or three days, once in awhile she would complain about neck pain. I thought she meant her throat, but when I saw the swelling I took her in. She has the mumps. This is something very contageous that she is actually vaccinated for the prevention. It normally is very mild in children, but can lead to serious problems. Also because it is very contageous, and she was vaccinated, we are concerned about the other kids and ourselves. We are already exposed, and are just really praying against this virus. I also have been getting a very itchy rash on my legs and arms that I can't figure out. Mikah and Asa, still have mosquito bites from two weeks ago that just won't go away......it feels like a friggin plague here. Our hearts are tired and worn, and we are trying to perservere through this. Please pray for our family. Thank you.

This is not my day

Not doing so good today. I can't seem to change my pissy attitude. I feel aggravated and depressed, and I'm also struggling with a head cold that has migrain tendencies. (sigh)

I wish I could stop the thoughts that are going on inside my head. I wish I had the patience to deal with today. Or even the chance to sleep the rest of it away.

Asa is sounding worse and worse. I'm worried about him. I think I need to get him checked out. Babies can get scary really fast when  they are sick. We'll see how he does after a steam room to help loosen up his chest.

Sickly, God Craving, Money making

Man, it's rough when everyone in the house is sick. Poor Asa sounds horrible. He cries almost everytime he coughs. On top of that, Scott and I aresick, so that just makes taking care of our babes more difficult.

Well, I have a new job!!! Yay! It's from that ebay guy (if confused, read earlier post). I'M EXCITED. I really feel God's hands in this and that is just so comforting.

What is also comforting is that thought of not having to rush into something right now. To just walk into His presense knowingly and just breath it in. I'm learning a lot about living in worship for Him. With Him.

I really want to dig into the Bible fully. I crave it. I am hoping to have a some kind of regular schedule with this new job eventually, and maybe I can wake up early before work, do my prayer walking, and read scripture on a daily basis. The book of Acts is becoming very appealing to me. I think I will start there, and allow God to take me where He wants me.

My Sickos

Kiara and Mikah are both sick with some horrible chest cold. Man it seems as though they were just sick, and now again. I hate that. Hopefully they'll get better soon. I hope Asa doesn't get it, but it's hard to keep it maintained. We'll see.

It's been 5 days without a cigarette :)

Just let me tell you about my day

Okay, so Kiara has been having breathing issues for a couple of days, so I set up an appointment with her pediatrician today. Before I went I went to the grocery store, dropped the groceries, then I went to sort/pick up left over garage sale clothes to drop off at a ministry near-by. Well, I accidently left too late to drop off the clothes, because of the appointment...which is okay, its really close. I went straight home, picked up Kiara and the insurance sheet, then went to the appointment. Construction everywhere, horrible directions for parking. We were six minutes late, and I was sweating and hot and carrying Kiara the whole way so an attack doesn't get triggered. I get in there and they tell me in order to be seen, I need my old insurance information for the previous billing. We had canceled this insurance, so I don't keep it in my purse............and where in the world would I have put it at home???? And that's if we still have it. I asked her what she had available for tomorrow....nope, no apponitments, and none available for the next three days.

This is where I grabbed my daughter,her bag and mine, and the worthless piece of sheet I had, and left. I walked out of the door, and that's when those stupid tears started to flow. I hate to cry, this is something I just can't stand to do, but hey, I'm human and it happens, because sheet happens (thanks Kelly) I go down the elevator, walk acrossed the construction and everything to the forever far away parking lot, while carrying the princess and crying uncontrollably. I finally get to the car, put lil miss in, buckle her up, get in my side and just start the car. I sit there, still crying, really trying to stop. I just breathe...and Kiara asks me what's wrong. I told her I was tired and wished the doctor would see her.

I decided to take her into ER and at least get something for tonight, in case she really needs it. I took her, knowing that she was doing okay at that moment, and I told the doctors this, they gave us everything we needed plus more that will last a month. They treated us very good, and talked very openly with us, and even taught us a lot.

We left, feeling really good. We went to fill our prescriptions and it takes FOR-E-VER. And all it was was three inhalers and a box of medicine for the nebulizer.

I get home, hang out with my wonderful friend, who watched my boys, eat dinner, then Asa happened. Actually his bum and it's explosive devices happened. I have to chase him around and under the table. I finally lure him out from under there with a ball, his own personal addiction, then I grab him and put him on the couch. Poo-filled diapers are no fun, but they are especially no fun when you don't realize you put your hand in it, and go to scratch you face, and THAT"S HOW YOU FIND OUT! Oh My GOSH! You want to talk about a spastic mother in the bathroom....yeah that was me you heard screaming like a little girl :) SOOOOOOOOOO GROSSSSSSSSSS! Thank God for antibacterial soap.

Freedom and pictures

This is my third day in a row of not smoking, and I'm doing pretty great right now. There were some hard times this morning, but we survived my moodiness. Yay God for the help and freedom!

I have new pictures up in Flickr. Go to my right side bar. :)

Happy Daddy's Day!

Happy Daddy's Day you dads!!!!!!!!!!!!!



We took Scott and Paul to Six Flags with the kids today. That was very fun. It was hot, we took Asa, he had fun too. We couldn't stay too long because Kiara's asthma and Scott had to work.

On the way home was tiring until this car went to swerve out of the way of falling items as big as a car bumper......they tried to correct, but overcorrected, then overcorrected again as they were trying to fix the first overcorrection.....yuck. That could have been so much worse than it was. They are alright, and so...I take it, is everyone else. That's just some scary stuff when you are on the freeway..very scary.

Mikah dude

Mikah is growing...yes he's growing physically...this we can see, but what we can hear/see/sense is his spiritual growth. Through conversations with him, you can tell that God drops His ideas and thoughts into Mikah....very cool.

My sweet Kiwi

Kiara had a really bad asthma attack last night. I think I only got 3-4 hours of sleep, because of it, but that's okay, because she's okay. I'm learning that I really have to pay attention to the ozone days down here. Our good friend is also having really bad asthma right now as well.

It's so hard to watch your baby go through that. I know she's 4, but she's still my lil babe. She got scared that she was turning into a monster, because her voice and breathing was really rough and screechy. I told her that wasn't true, because she's on God's side, and He takes care of His children. I prayed over her while we were steaming the bathroom and doing breathing treatments, and when I was done, she just looked up at me with a very peaceful look, and just smiled so big. She's such a brave little girl. I hate that she has asthma, I hate it hate it hate it. Her daddy and her prayed about it this morning, and I guess she's been pretty good on breathing today. She's getting raspy right now, though. I already gave her two treatments. I'm going to have to take her to the doctor and push for a nebulizer. It'll save us some trips to the ER I think. I've been asking a lot of Dallasonians who have asthma about which helps the best during those really bad attacks, and all of them say the nebulizer does the job best. An inhaler is really good for on the go stuff.

At least she's got a really cute backpack for her inhaler stuff on the go :)

Please pray for her, she gets scared and worked up when these attacks happen. Pray for healing, bravery (for all of us), wisdom, and for less and less ozone days.We now know she shouldn't go outside when its level red...which may be a lot this summer.
Thanks.

Just me and you kid, take advantage

Asa and I are the only two awake right now. I think I'm going to change his diaper and take him prayerwalking with me. It's helpful he actually walks....yeah he has for awhile, but what I mean is he NOW will walk with you and hold your hand. Before he wouldn't hold your hand. But then again I may just hurry up and put together the new stroller and take him for a walk in that...either way if there's going to be action done, we have to do it in the morning for the volcano of heat and pollution really come up around 10:30am.....hmmmm...Texas weather. I want to copmplain, but I won't because our winters here are the kind I have wanted forever. NOW DIGGING OUT YOUR CAR :)

Man if you aren't mowing your lawn, you were raking your leaves, if you were doing all of that, your care was buried in a bumload of snow. Plus that white stuff is just COLD. I'm pretty sure I'm warm blooded, so that mean my coats aren't natural.

Anyways. Off to do the do.

What a Story

God is definitely throwing us one surprise after another right now. So much has changed since out trip to Austin....so much. It's beautiful...simply beautiful. We both have changed for the better, and really feel secure in God's hands.

So I had a job interview today...it wasn't planned. Let me tell you the story:

About a week or so ago I was called for a job interview for an office job at this maid service, doing customer service and whatnot. Well, this was the day after I found the independent contractor job...which isn't working out the way I thought it would, by the way. Any ways, I felt good about the freedom with the contractor job, so I called back and canceled the interview. Well, about three days after my job at the contractor job was suppose to start (but didn't) I was shaking in my boots (ok not boots, sandals, I'm not considered a full blown texan yet ;) ), so I called the man back and asked about setting up another interview with him. We set it up and I went....but not inside. It wasn't an office, but a condo, and I was taken back by it and had some fears about meeting a stranger in his home. I prayed with a friend and then tried to call him to ask him about it, but he didn't answer. I then had a rush of fear, and just decided to go home.

Well, due to our financial situation and cluttered house, I decided to put some things on ebay. On one of my auctions, a person asked me if they can just pick up the item, since they live in Dallas, I said yes. Well, that person bid on the item, and won it later. When I looked at the information on the email ebay sent me, his address and name was on it for shipping purposes. THIS WAS THAT GUY I WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE THE INTERVIEW WITH...........yeah I know, right!

So I prayed through this and decided this is way too big of a coincidence. Keep in mind this all happened in a week and a half. So I decided I was going to be totally honest with him. I told him when we met in person and we sat down at Starbucks (where we met) and just had a very good conversation. I was honest about why I didn't go to the interview, and about everything. We talked about the job a bit and decided to set up an interview for another time. Then we talked some more and soon he asked if I was actually available at the moment for the interview to be held at the condo. I was, so we had the interview, it went extremely well, and as long as my references and criminal background checks out, then I've got the job!

Who Is Like God??

Today is Mikah Dante Miller's Birthday. He has turned 7 today. There are soooo many things that have miraculously happened since his birth, because of his birth. I picked out his name before I was a believer, I thought the name sounded cool ( it still does ;) ) and Scott decided on the middle name as we walked around the labor and delivery department. Mikah (Micah) means: Who is like God?, and Dante means: Everlasting; enduring. It was because of his birth I stopped doing drugs and partying. It is because of his birth that I was willing to follow Jesus ( Jesus was my life insurance package). It is because of this birth that I am with my soulmate for eternity. And it is because of this birth that we will experience God through him on a whole new level. This boy is a big significance to me of the many ways God works. God wanted me, he wanted me also to be with Scott, in order to do all of this with one shot, he gave us Mikah. This child is really a gift from God Almighty...rock on :)

A GREAT Birthday

What a FABULOUS BIRTHDAY that was!!!!! It was a day that only God could plan, with a message that could only come from Him. Both Scott and I are definitely in a huge jaw-dropping moment....yeah. There are sooo many words, so many ways of describing this day and our experience, but these escriptions couldn't come close to touching it. We feel like Neo in the Matrix when he was talking to Morpheus..."What the Oracle has told you is for you and you alone...."

So with that being said I can't tell you specifics, but I an share little tidbits.

We were going there to meet this guy we have never met, but our good friend has. I wasn't sure if it was him I needed to talk with before we even got there, but I believe it only took like ten minutes, if that, to just totally know, without a doubt, he was definitely supposed to be a part of this day.

So this man's wife the day before we came or more, found a bird's nest that had fallen from the tree. Inside were three baby birds not quite ready to fly from the nest, but you knew it was close because of the momma bird was just fluttering around in a near-by tree calling them while jumping from branch to branch. Scott and I were showed these birds and the momma before we went into his house. Inside were three people praying,talking, and totally seeking God's fullness. A message was told, a decision was made, when we were walking out of his house, the man gasped and said we had to see something. We looked in the nest the baby birds were in and ALL THREE BABIES HAD FLOWN THE NEST! There we were, 3 children of God hearing our Father's call, and after being obedient and listening, and deciding to fully go to Him, we were able to fly to Him. At least that's the message I got and it's so beautiful, I'm holding onto it. :)

This one's kind of funny. The man was giving me directions on the phone while I communicated(or at least tried to) to Scott who wrote it down. Well, there's a freeway we needed to get on called Loop 1 and I said that outloud, so Scott wrote down what he heard....which was actually LUKE 1. When it come time to reflect on the directions to use them, we looked at that. I corrected the loop/Luke 1. We get there and we all start talking, introducing ourselves, and just learning about each other. About ten minutes into it all, the man was saying how he felt really led to read LUKE 1, and he told us a quick summary of the story and boy how it totally related to Scott and I on many terms! It was absolutely amazing. But it's hilarious how God drops those little words like He was in the car with us.

One more little bit...I was explaining how I throw henna parties and what not, and the man just stopped me, to let me know henna is in the Bible. I finished my story while he searched for it. He found it in Songs of Solomon 1:13 and 4:13. That was just really awesome to know. Well, on the way home I had seen a flashing red billboard that had the word henna on it. It was a car dealership. Hmmmmmm. Made some thinking go on, but not for long. Another 10 miles I saw another billboard with the word Henna on it......yeah...that's all I'm going to say about that.

We also got to meet up with a friend of ours while down there. We had great conversations, caught up with what's going on with each other, and just ate some food. It was really nice to catch up. We had met her, along with almost everyone we hold close to our hearts, through the internet space. It was just really good to connect with her and finally meet her last year, then go camping with her and her boyfriend.

It really was a great day to start this next year of my life :)

To be a clean freak or not to be a clean freak

So I have started working today for the housecleaning dealio, and it was pretty cool. House cleaning is soooooo much easier when you don't have to organize and actually pick up a gazillion things. What my job is to do is the dust, sweep, mop, vacuum, clean bathrooms, mirrors, polish furniture, clean the kitchen, and stuff like that. Thank God too, because have you ever tried cleaning someone else's house??? It's insane.. you don't know where everything is, or is meant to be, and it takes longer because of that very fact. Granted I don't have any problem helping people out in this manner, but I'm just thankful I don't have to mess with it in this job.

One of my big concerns with this job is that it hasn't been producing as much work as I had hoped so far. Shall I sit and quiver....not today. I have made up some business cards for my own little shin-dig on the side, hopefully to become to main dealio. I will offer housekeeping, dog walking and henna parties....I know I have to be unique, right? :) So if you know anyone in the Dallas area that needs any of these services, have them email me :)

So I've been curious if doing this kind of work will turn me into a clean freak...... we'll see soon enough!

Just stuff....hee hee

I've been trying to prepare for this trip and there really is no way of doing that. Yeah, I can plan certain things as like when we leave, when we will meet with people and possibly where, but there's absolutely no way of preparing for what's REALLY going to happen. Not only because it is unknown, but mostly because I feel God is so wrapped around this trip in every way. It's not unnerving, but exciting. Also it's just so awesome I get to share this with my best friend, husband, and partner in crime ;)

Birthdays are happening these next 4 days. Mine is Saturday, and Mikah's is Monday. He's going to be 7 years old. Man, this is where I FEEL old. Not having myself, another birthday, but having been a mother for 7 years. Man, when I'm 37, he will be 20 :o

Okay I'll stop right there.....hee hee. I don't need a heart attack or anything!

For Mikah's birthday we hope to take him to six flags(yay for getting season passes forever ago!) and try somehow, sometime to throw him a birthday bash with the community. Too cool, huh? He's got some sonic the hedgehog plush toys coming, gifts from family, that he's going to thoroughly enjoy. Wowza!

Also I have work tomorrow! yay! I can make money, we soooooooo need right now.Thanks God!

Photos....finally :)

So here it is, just a few to begin with, more coming soon. Here's my flickr account.

Enjoy!

Our Adventure coming soon

Wow, (how many times have I started a post with that???) its so funny and amazing to me how God works. Within the past couple of days I have been torn and struggled humbly in His midst, and He in many, many ways has lifted me/us up from it. I feel so graciously moved by His Spirit and its thoroughly exciting.

Scott and I are taking a trip to Austin this coming Saturday (my birthday...yeah!party! okay, maybe not, but still we have an adventure) without any kids. Let me repeat that....WITHOUT KIDS!!!!! Some awesome people in our community are willing to take over the kids for the time we are there. THANKS YOU GUYS!

Its an adventure for many reasons, but mostly because we're going without knowing what's going to happen or what we are going to experience. I've felt for over a month now that I needed to take this trip...not sure why, just need to. But even set that aside we have never been to Austin and are hoping to meet up with some great people down there. Plus we have freedom to explore this city I've heard some great things about.

I'm hoping to visit the Austin House of Prayer while down there, and maybe take part in a time period... we'll see.

If any of you know a place in Austin that's cheap/free that would be fun, let us know. Thanks.

Love Has Won

I found myself in deep prayer tonight...even as I washed the dishes and cleaned the kitchen. I don't even know how to describe it. I guess I could just say it was like God had total control of my imagination to give me comfort and peace. I still have unanswered questions, but I now have a more guided way to pray. I have to admit, prior to doing the dishes, I was distraught, holding onto anger and confusion, I just felt out of control and out of my mind. It amazes me how quickly God can change your heart if you just stop long enough to breath Him in. You don't even have to say anything, just stop thinking, stop with the purpose to come and fill you, and He does. I guess it amazes me even more how hard I make it to just allow God to come in.

(sigh)

I don't feel very good today, I think my body's trying to catch a cold. I'm struggling with a lot of thoughts, and I can't quite get them straightened out...what's important and what's not...does any of it matter? Should I just stop myself from this never-ending struggle and move on? I'm not sure really, but I'm really hoping to find the answer soon. There are certain ways I want to be like, but I feel too lazy to even try them, and then by feeling lazy I kick myself in the tail. I want to be more involved with the kids, and the family as a whole, but I can't seem to find a peaceful way of going about doing this. It seems as though everytime I try, everything ends up in a hole of anger and frustration.

I thought I was supposed to start my new job today, but I guess they didn't have anything for me today. I'm supposed to call them tomorrow morning. Hopefully they have something for me then. It sucks because it starts all of these uneccessary worries and thoughts that just mess everything up other than just trying to trust God with our lives. I love God like crazy and it drives me nuts that I fall back with my trust. I think my problem today especially is that I don't feel good and with that comes a comfort-frustration all in its own. Today's a good day for praying your guts out, then stopping to listen and feel His grace.

Our Prayer Space

Wow, my 24 hour prayer session is finished. That was hard, but totally worth it. During the night in the beginning was the best time to be there. We went through and annointed each space with oil, then we just started singing. All of my kids were asleep, so it was so peaceful and quiet.

What I found really awesome was that there was a small group of birds right outside that were singing all night.

We had a henna station, where you could henna yourself as you prayed. A prayer painting station where you can pray while you paint or paint your prayers out. There was a basket of scrap paper wher eyou could write out your prayers and place them on the wall, so others could pray it too. We had visuals set up all over, we even had a prayer session in the bathroom, where you can stand and look at yourself in the mirror, confess what you see and then pray to God and ask Him to reveal the truth and allow you to see it.

During the day it seemed to change, but that was okay. The older kids decided to become a part of it. Kiara prayed out loud, and Mikah wrote down some prayers. Plus they both decided to draw pictures for God and put them up on the wall. That was really neat to see.

Prayer....for..24 hours STRAIGHT??!!!!!??!!!!!!!???????

Tonight at midnight begins my 24 hour prayer session thingy-do. I'm kind of nervous. I feel as though I'm going to really learn something about myself through this, and in all honesty it scares the crap out of me. Whenever God has revealed something about me to me its been life changing, or at least mind changing, which is very good to have done, but man the process can be painful sometimes.

I'm also looking forward to the space of our place being changed, not really much physically, but spiritually. Granted this is house or shall I say apartment... that belongs to God, but during this time we will not only still lift it to Him, but ask for His beautiful voice and breath to be upon it, inside it and all around it.


I'm not sure who all reads my blog, but if any of you out there want/neep some prayer, you can email me at: kiwijasmyn[at]yahoo[dot]com

Now I best get off here so I can enjoy the day with my older kidlings, better do it before my next job starts.

My handy Dandy Garage sale

Yeah, sometimes I even hate it when I get spontaneous. Yesterday I decided to have a garage sale today. I gathered up a ton of stuff and set it up outside. I made $15. Yeah not worth the trouble and energy, but we as a community are hoping to have another soon in a different location so at least I have everything picked out.

You know it truelly is amazing what you can live without....especially knickknacks and decorating items.

Shaving it up

The boys have mohawks.....it is awesome. They are so much cooler than I could ever be.

here's a title

I'm having a tense evening....I'm not totally sure why. The kids are running around doing their usual, but I just don't think this is the main source.

I feel as though I'm running towards something God is inspiring as well as pushing for, but I'm not clear as to what this is to become, or even be similar to. Many times I've wanted to just stop pursuing this "running" to just breathe. Unfortunately if I do that I really feel I would be jumping off of the course God really desires me to pursue. I just want to give God the deal of if He lets me know, then I'll continue....yeah..right. I wanted to cancel the 24 hour prayer session coming soon... but its mostly due to the fear of not being able to accomplish what it is He desires me to get from it. He is gracious and merciful, I know this. And because of this knowledge I will press on with the running. I need His courage and encouragement, as well as the faith to press on.

I also feel as though there's something I'm not doing, that I'm supposed to be doing. I am hopeful I will find this out and begin to fill this empty cup of mine by allowing Him to do so however He desires me to go about that....if that makes sense.

Here's to running off cliffs and flying helplessly into His arms. Thanks Justin for that picture.

J-O-B

I no longer work at Michael's. It is now official. I'm very happy, but also very sad. This was the first place I've liked almost everyone. But it wasn't meant to be for me and my physical/emotional capabilities/happiness.

I was offered an interview for an office job today. Working 8a-2p 30 minutes away answering phones and handling clients. I turned it down. Yeah it "looks" better than cleaning up people's homes, but I wasn't at peace with it. I wouldn't have the flexibility, or the close driving, or the options of making more money....or the flexibility, yeah I'm really won over with that one alone.

I just feel really great about the contractor job. It was very nice to be encouraged though by another interview.

Bang bang, rub rub, blame blame

Mikah, Kiara, and Asa were outside playing. Mikah was riding his bike while the other two chased him. It was working out really well until Asa got too close, so Mikah turned right over Kiara's feet causing her to trip and cut up her knee pretty bad. I finally got everyone back inside the apartment, and the whole time Kiara is screaming out all of her pain and fear. As I go get the clean-up-boo-boo-kit I hear Asa starting to cry with her. I though this was a cute way for him to show some kind of sympathy towards his older sis....I was wrong. He took off his shoes, and there was a big blister on the side of his foot where the shoe was rubbing. Ouch. So I had both of them screaming out their anguish and pains, then I turn to ask Mikah for help. HE's got his arms crossed and a very hurt facial expression and he's sniffling. "It's all my fault! I hurt everybody!"

Oh my goodness gracious......calm down mom, he's really beating himself up about this...calm down mom, these kids are hurt...calm down mom pretty bandaids cure everything.

I talk with Mikah as I do the bandaging of the kidlings. Everyone survived, and all is well. And the coolest thing of all other than no broken bones, is that I was able to keep my cool, instead of screaming like they were.

In The Breakroom

I was chilling out in the breakroom with my friend where she turned on the t.v. to watch this Spanish version of Jerry Springer. On there was a prostitute who fell in love with her pimp. Wow, I can't even begin to understand the mindset of the situations these people find themselves in. It breaks my heart, human trafficking, prostitution, and the point of confusion where these woman believe its not only okay, but exciting as well. I don't curl my nose in disgust at these people, but I sure have a softened heart to pray for them all. Even the pimps, even though that in itself will be a trial, they still have a soft spot with God.

I'm so thankful I am able to pray for them.

My jobby-job

I now have a new jobby-job! Yeah buddy! I'm an independent contractor for Shannon's personal services. I will do house cleaning work, and all that jazzy-do. I'm really excited about this, because I make my own hours, and days which is awesome so I can plan to do my relationship building, and some family strengthening.

I'll get paid decent in the the beginning, but after awhile I get raises and bonuses, as well am able to accept tips. What's really cool about this job is that it's a definite God-given job. It really has His signature written all over it. First of all I would have never applied to this kind of job, not because of pride, but mostly because of the bad representation of pay these hard workers get. Well I was looiking through the employment guide, and as I scanned over it, something struck my curiosity about it. All it said was housekeepers needed, and then the number, but it really stuck out to me. Well I called and talked with the lady on the phone, who was pleasant and she asked if I could come in for an interview this morning. Wow....really? So I was curious, and I asked what I needed to bring, she said a liscense and a social security card. Really...wow they must need people bad, is what I was thinking.

I go in and I read a couple of pages about who they are, what they do, and all that, and I felt really impressed, and even more curious. So I sat down and talked with her some more, then she laid it all out for me, asked me if I was interested in doing the job, and I just felt extremely comfortable with saying yes.....so I did. Wow. I got a job. and I'm my own boss. Cool.

my day of today

I went job hunting today.....I hate this process...with a passion. But good news on the horizon, I have a job interview for a house keeping position for places in my area. This is encouraging, so I thank God and press on.

I checked out 7 eleven....just because its super close. The manager there was giving me the process of how to get hired there, and man.....they have got a lllloooonnnnngggg process. It amazes me people actually go through it to work there.

I wrote a song today with my friend Andrew, it was very cool. I've never written a song with someone's music before, it was fun. Probably won't be famous, but it would be great for worship at church.

now i get to figure out some online applications. yay.

No A/C, No scents

This is just weird in so many different ways. When our air conditioner blows, its has a bad habit of blowing air scents from other apartments. There was once an apartment above us being painted and it scented our place for two weeks.....yuck. Between the scent of cigarettes and cat territorial scents, we now have a new scent....skunk.

What the....how the....why the.....?????

Yeah, this is getting ridiculous.

Kiara

So Kiara typed her name in the internet and this is one of the things she found.

She IS character.

Something to say...beware

I keep finding myself in the paths of people who thrive on gaining information just for the gaining instead of the appreciation of what is actually being said, then trying it out. This Jesus guy.....complicated, right? His radical ideas of how to love people and how to reach people, then top that off with His explanation of His life, His communication with the Father, and why He was here and is here. If that wasn't mind boggling enough, then we might as well throw in about the in-betweenies of why it all had to happen that way.

I apologize for any misunderstandings for the above. What I want to say is simple, but complicated...just like the Big Jesus guy.

*Love each other, love each other openly like you are best friends, totally unconditionally through thick and thin, burnt and crispy. This is very simple and understanding to say and hear, but doing it is the hardest thing to ever accomplish. To expose ourselves like that to allow someone to love us is rough, but also to love someone that drives you crazy, you don't 'click' with, that you never met......wow, that's difficult. Will we succeed thoroughly, probably not, we aren't Jesus, but through Him we can learn how to if we ask and then trust that He will provide.

*Keep your understanding of Jesus in simple, plain language. Have that kind of explanation available....you'll never know who will need that, instead of the large theologian explanation. I never knew Jesus to speak to people in a way they couldn't understand them, this is one of the biggest reasons He spoke in parables a lot of the times. We drop our seeds everywhere, whether it be at church, here on our blogs/emails, in the grocery store, on our death bed. We are living our testimonies. Now that you have a simple explanation, ask God to use it....to use you.

*The last thing I need to say and really press on is limiting God. Wow....how in the heck can we do this??? He is the maker, controller, the creator...HE IS IT! How in the world is it possible for us to put limitations on HIM???

Do we ever stop God from doing His thing? No, but we have a say on whether or not we are a part of it. I'm not sure about you, but I don't want to miss out on nothing! Anytime that I can be a little grain of sand in God's ginormous plan, I'm all about it. We have choices to make, to jump or not when He calls, to help that mean old lady that always screams at us, when she drops her things in the road, to give a homeless man some food and drink, to listen to someone's tears and lend a shoulder, but also to not seek His desires for you. And believe me when I say this, He has grand desires for you. When you are out of a job, or have a ministry that is struggling, or a relationship tearing apart, have the faith to ask Him to be in it totally! Also have the faith to believe He can and will help. Want to serve God, but can't find a way to do so? Ask God to drop it in your lap! Whatever He may have in mind.

I do want to add, from my own experience, that God has a huge sense of humor, so any specifics are good, just keep in mind while asking, He's got humor too.

Got kid/s? Young mothers/parents have a hard time when their children are young feeling as though they are serving God. Its hard, every hour of everyday is unexpectable, unplanned, and almost chaotic. Kids are screaming, running all over the place, making messes, taking off their diapers, and smacking each other....wow how am I going to find the time to do the dishes...(sniff sniff) or bathe myself! HEE HEE! Let alone do some kind of ministry or free up the time to do God work.

Now with those images in your head, take a breath...no take several relaxing breaths.

Ready? |
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Those kids are your very own little disciples. You are the biggest influence in their lives...if you choose to be such.

I struggle with this still. Dang it, my baby still jabbers at me! How can I have a real conversation with him!?! I just talk to him, like any other kid, but the real deal is going to be when he is older in an understanding age. Bring Jesus and God up now, and keep doing so, then when speach comes, the questions will too, and that's when it gets really awesome.

Also, live missionally together as a family. Have people over for meals, tea/coffee, games(this is a great way to get to know people and have fun!), just reach out. You know that one person that just looks lonely, you may just have a hello, and goodbye relationship with....invite them over for something....movie, henna, games, kid play. Some other way for parents to get out and about is by allowing their kids to be ice breakers with people. Kids are awesome for this...they are naturals at it. They don't even have to try! I don't suggest going out to eat at restaurants... its expensive, stressful, and can be very distracting and loud. Home gatherings are far more personal, cheaper, and enjoyable. It also seems to be a great way of showing someone's importance to that person when you invite them into your home. Can't afford a meal, get a potluck going where everyone brings something. not enough table space? Have a picnic on the floor, in your yard, on your porch.

Okay, wow, that was a lot.

By the way: As of right now, my toddler thinks its really cool to stand on his chair, jump, then in midair roll so when he hits the floor he'll be on his stomach instead of his back. better go.

I'm surrounded

Kiara, Asa, and Scott are now sickly, bummer. I've had to give Kiara breathing treatments from her inhaler, and Asa's just whiny, crying and very fussy. Scott got it too, so I'm trying to make sure he gets his rest. Luckily he had yesterday off, but tonight he goes in. Lots of lemon and honey water. I've been sure to take my vitamin C often.....I don't want to get this.

At church we are doing story tellings instead of teachings....which is a great way of doing a teaching by learning from someone's testimony. Its a break to stop and smell the flowers of everyone, to stop moving forward and find out in every aspect possible what's growing, how it's growing, and where its growing to. It's also very awesome for us because we don't really know everyone's story, and this is a great way of finding out.

I'm trying to learn how to rely totally on God, this is a life-long process and a series of events, but in this season and this moment that's what's up. Trust Him to provide, trust Him totally to guide me. It can get challenging, but I press on with giving Him my concerns and worries. How He has taken care of us in the past has been amazing, why am I worried now? What's funny is that I'm not really stressing right now, but I see the fear coming somehow, anticipation sucks. But its good that I see it coming, so I can prepare for it and try to push it away as soon as possible.

Cheers to the Faith!

Boom Baby!

So I was playing around at work, on my break (I'm responsible and mature ;) and I took a big leap in pretending we were running from our boss, and as I did, my knee popped really loud and burned with sharp pains running through my leg. Bummer. No Bueno. I have knee issues anyways, but now I can't kneel or keep it totally straight. If its killing me tomorrow I'll have to go to get it checked out. Let me tell ya, with three trucks next week to unload, this is going to suck if I can't get it better.

So I made my soup-stuff. I couldn't get Mary's mixin', so I threw in some stuff by smell....with Scott looking at me very wearily. I also threw in some pinto beans and potatoes.....this stuff is awesome! Especially with a tad sprinkle fo cheese. I left the hamburger out, in case Scott would actually eat it.

I have a week left at work.....wowza. I'm really glad, we are starting to have three trucks a week again starting this coming week, my last...yay. I can't do that crap anymore. My body barely works as it is at home, but when you mix that into it...nothing. No power, no energy. I actually tend to feel in the negative.

I started doing prayer scribbles in my sketch book. Its been very fun and interesting. I can't wait til we do 24 hours straight of prayer here. I want to set up, music, painting stuff, beading, tons of paper and wall space. There will also be a designated room for solitude, if I can find a babysitter.

there's no turning back

Okay, two of my books have arrived today......here we go group of pages....teach me something, guide my brain God with this pile of pages....let me finish them.


heeh hee hee! This is just hilarious to me. I always pick on Scott for his book addiction, and here I am.....oh well. A friend of mine had one of these books, and I read a bit of it and peaked at it, and I just knew there was something in there I needed to get. Then I researched other books by him on the same subject, and felt the same. By the way, if you knew me, you would know that books just aren't my thing, between kids, prior-bird-awakening work hours, the house and everything else, I just can't focus and study. So far, I've been able to read around the kids, luckily my purse is big enough to fit them in there.

So I think I just cooked a cow and a half just now. Gross. I haven't cooked beef in forever, let alone ate it. It'll be good for what I'm about to make. I'm going to have some rice, cook it in tomatoe paste and diced tomatoes with and hamburger chopped zuccini with the seasonings of crushed red pepper, and my friend, Mary's spice mix she makes....yummy.

waffles...yummy

man I wish i had energy to cook more often. I made some waffles this morning, and they were good. I think I'm the only one who fully appreciated them, but that's ok...they were good!

I'm looking forward to my last day at work, its going to be interesting, yet also a sense of freedom. Everyone there is making me promise to come and have lunch breaks with them, that feels good. God has truely worked in that place with those people, and boy were the seeds planted. Now to trust God with the growing and make a habit of going for lunch there.

My Interview results

Well, I didn't get the job at Richland College, which is okay, because I didn't want it unless it was my next step....seems like God has something else in mind. There may still be other possiblities at the college, but I may not hear from that for awhile.

I'm actually excited, though, even though I didn't get it. God's working for me, and that just feels good. I'll find something soon enough...we'll be taken care of, we always have been tight in His arms. I can't wait to see what He has in store for us!