Break My Back Smoothly

I feel worn, and wearily. My emotions are shot right now, and I just can keep going like this. I'm seeking something I can't find here.....I didn't know what it was before. I saught it in movies, songs, web blogs, emails, and only God knows what else. My heart is strained and my body is fed up, and I'm sure my kids are done with it. I'm throwing in the towel. I'm down on my knees and I'm finally where I need to be. Face to the floor, tears flowing, heart open. I hate it when this shoots you when you thought things were going good. Yet I love how God knows how to tear you down away from the world and lift you up in His arms. I'm in the tearing down process right now. Right now I look at myself. I'm an impatient mother that yells too much instead of listens and plays. I'm an angry person at anything and take it out on my husband and children. I yell, I'm unreasonable, I'm pathetic, a hippocrit, and just plain suck. I'm tired of my temper and my brokeness. I hate it when I realize I'm screwing up my kids.

I've been seeking something to lift my feelings up, to exercise my emotions, but I am finally realizing, God doesn't want my emotions to be exercised by the Glossy world.
I need it by servicing Him. By actually going through it and living. What sucks about this is there are somethings you just don't want to experience because it's painful and hard. I don't know where I'm going with this, but I mostly wanted to let you all know I'm taking a break. I'm hoping to be able to occupy my time where it's really needed.