today....it happened, is happening, and wish it would

This is about the third time I have tried to blog today. I would start to write earlier , but my heart wasn't in the place that I wanted to write about. I was struggling with my mood swings, but I was mostly strugling with my surroundings. We're too cluttered here, too much stuff that doesn't have a place. It felt as though it were consuming us and our space.This is going to be my project this month. Make some shelves, buy some containers.....get this mess organized for good. Also go through everything we own, and weigh the importance of keeping it. This has to happen, and I really believe it will. Yet I still wonder if that is what was really wrong....hmmm.

On a much brighter note, the craft show I did yesterday was a great success with my henna. I did henna tattoos for a charge, offered up my skirts, wrap pants, shirt and purses I had sewn up, my candle votives, and crosses. My friend was selling her beaded jewelry. I made a decent amount. I was actually shocked. It was fun though, I haven't had much of a chance to hang out with my frinds forever and to have two days in a week where we hung out for long hours at a time, that was sooooo worth sitting in the heat. I missed my girls :)

On the kid/pain in the bum note, Mikah cut my hair as I was typing earlier, and while I was doing dishes, Asa snagged the container of rice and walked throughout the living room and dining room unnoticed, spreading rice everywhere while he munched on it. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. These kids need either some kind of device that prevents them from doing such things. Like say Mikah goes to hit his sister, but his hand isn't able to get but an inch or two from her....yeah that would be awesome. Dreams can be nice ;)

This is where its at, yo

Below is info about where the craft show is. My booth will be number 40....I'm not sure if you can tell, but we'll find out. I'm excited, yet tired. It'll be a lot of fun. Come on by and get a henna tattoo!

July 1-2 & 4, 2006 - FESTIVAL - Garland: Star Spangled 4th. Let us capture your imagination, wow you with the spectacle, and create memories for a lifetime. Welcome to Garland's award-winning Star Spangled 4th celebration, a five-day extravaganza in historical downtown Garland featuring music, food, crafts, and non-stop entertainment for all ages. Don't miss our spectacular evening parade, exciting midway, arts and crafts, auto show, motorcycle show, and more. Nightly choreographed fireworks and laser and light shows. Fun exhibits and attractions. Cost: Free admission and parking. Location: Historic Downtown Garland. www.starspangledfourth.com

Kids.....the plague is lifting

The kids are doing much better. Kiara hasn't complained about pain in awhile, which is awesome. Mikah and Asa practically aren't coughing anymore. Thanks for all of your prayers. I better go, Asa is being a rotten booger.

Orientation & Craft Show

I went to my job orientation today, and I must say, I'm really excited about this job! I'm training to become an office manager. I'll be working 30+ hours a week, but still be home by 2:30pm. I'll have to clean about three homes just to get experience under my belt, but other than that I'll be mostly in the office. This is my first office job. I'm normally busting my bum physically, or running a cash register, or chasing after kids that think they can attempt to run the house (I still have this job).

It'll still be challenging I'm sure, but I really feel I'll like this job, and do it well. I also feel very confident that God has His hands in this job. And that just feels awesome.

I've been invited to join a friend's booth at a craft show this Saturday. I'm making purses, and decorating candle votives and also I'm making up henna kits, as well as I plan to offer my henna designer services. I also will bring what clothing items I have sewn in the past. I hope to sew up some skirts and wrap pants real quick before hand as well. I think Friday night will be a long one, for sure. But I'm really excited about it all, and hope to bring in at least enough cash for the next show they have as well as enough to cover what I paid for in supplies. That would mean that the next show will be all profit...I can deal with that. Either way this is good for me, and I hope to do this once a month or so.

Asthmatic, Croup, Bronchitis, the Mumps & a Cold that is kicking our tails

I come before you all now asking for any prayers I can get for our family. We're getting struck hard with our health right now, and it seems to just keep coming. It started with Kiara, Mikah and I prayer walking when we didn't realize it was a red ozone day. It flared up Kiara's asthma and in a day or so she had a very bad cold. Mikah next got it, and was coughing so hard he was actually gasping for air at times, especially at night. I was told he had Croup. Then Asa, Scott and I all got sick with it. Asa now has bronchitis, I have migraines and sinus pain, and Scott, who can barely take cold medicine, is actually taking it out of desperation because of how horrible he feels. I took Asa and Kiara in last night to ER. I took Kiara in because right under her jawbone, she was swelling intensely, and for the past two or three days, once in awhile she would complain about neck pain. I thought she meant her throat, but when I saw the swelling I took her in. She has the mumps. This is something very contageous that she is actually vaccinated for the prevention. It normally is very mild in children, but can lead to serious problems. Also because it is very contageous, and she was vaccinated, we are concerned about the other kids and ourselves. We are already exposed, and are just really praying against this virus. I also have been getting a very itchy rash on my legs and arms that I can't figure out. Mikah and Asa, still have mosquito bites from two weeks ago that just won't go away......it feels like a friggin plague here. Our hearts are tired and worn, and we are trying to perservere through this. Please pray for our family. Thank you.

This is not my day

Not doing so good today. I can't seem to change my pissy attitude. I feel aggravated and depressed, and I'm also struggling with a head cold that has migrain tendencies. (sigh)

I wish I could stop the thoughts that are going on inside my head. I wish I had the patience to deal with today. Or even the chance to sleep the rest of it away.

Asa is sounding worse and worse. I'm worried about him. I think I need to get him checked out. Babies can get scary really fast when  they are sick. We'll see how he does after a steam room to help loosen up his chest.

Sickly, God Craving, Money making

Man, it's rough when everyone in the house is sick. Poor Asa sounds horrible. He cries almost everytime he coughs. On top of that, Scott and I aresick, so that just makes taking care of our babes more difficult.

Well, I have a new job!!! Yay! It's from that ebay guy (if confused, read earlier post). I'M EXCITED. I really feel God's hands in this and that is just so comforting.

What is also comforting is that thought of not having to rush into something right now. To just walk into His presense knowingly and just breath it in. I'm learning a lot about living in worship for Him. With Him.

I really want to dig into the Bible fully. I crave it. I am hoping to have a some kind of regular schedule with this new job eventually, and maybe I can wake up early before work, do my prayer walking, and read scripture on a daily basis. The book of Acts is becoming very appealing to me. I think I will start there, and allow God to take me where He wants me.

My Sickos

Kiara and Mikah are both sick with some horrible chest cold. Man it seems as though they were just sick, and now again. I hate that. Hopefully they'll get better soon. I hope Asa doesn't get it, but it's hard to keep it maintained. We'll see.

It's been 5 days without a cigarette :)

Just let me tell you about my day

Okay, so Kiara has been having breathing issues for a couple of days, so I set up an appointment with her pediatrician today. Before I went I went to the grocery store, dropped the groceries, then I went to sort/pick up left over garage sale clothes to drop off at a ministry near-by. Well, I accidently left too late to drop off the clothes, because of the appointment...which is okay, its really close. I went straight home, picked up Kiara and the insurance sheet, then went to the appointment. Construction everywhere, horrible directions for parking. We were six minutes late, and I was sweating and hot and carrying Kiara the whole way so an attack doesn't get triggered. I get in there and they tell me in order to be seen, I need my old insurance information for the previous billing. We had canceled this insurance, so I don't keep it in my purse............and where in the world would I have put it at home???? And that's if we still have it. I asked her what she had available for tomorrow....nope, no apponitments, and none available for the next three days.

This is where I grabbed my daughter,her bag and mine, and the worthless piece of sheet I had, and left. I walked out of the door, and that's when those stupid tears started to flow. I hate to cry, this is something I just can't stand to do, but hey, I'm human and it happens, because sheet happens (thanks Kelly) I go down the elevator, walk acrossed the construction and everything to the forever far away parking lot, while carrying the princess and crying uncontrollably. I finally get to the car, put lil miss in, buckle her up, get in my side and just start the car. I sit there, still crying, really trying to stop. I just breathe...and Kiara asks me what's wrong. I told her I was tired and wished the doctor would see her.

I decided to take her into ER and at least get something for tonight, in case she really needs it. I took her, knowing that she was doing okay at that moment, and I told the doctors this, they gave us everything we needed plus more that will last a month. They treated us very good, and talked very openly with us, and even taught us a lot.

We left, feeling really good. We went to fill our prescriptions and it takes FOR-E-VER. And all it was was three inhalers and a box of medicine for the nebulizer.

I get home, hang out with my wonderful friend, who watched my boys, eat dinner, then Asa happened. Actually his bum and it's explosive devices happened. I have to chase him around and under the table. I finally lure him out from under there with a ball, his own personal addiction, then I grab him and put him on the couch. Poo-filled diapers are no fun, but they are especially no fun when you don't realize you put your hand in it, and go to scratch you face, and THAT"S HOW YOU FIND OUT! Oh My GOSH! You want to talk about a spastic mother in the bathroom....yeah that was me you heard screaming like a little girl :) SOOOOOOOOOO GROSSSSSSSSSS! Thank God for antibacterial soap.

Freedom and pictures

This is my third day in a row of not smoking, and I'm doing pretty great right now. There were some hard times this morning, but we survived my moodiness. Yay God for the help and freedom!

I have new pictures up in Flickr. Go to my right side bar. :)

Happy Daddy's Day!

Happy Daddy's Day you dads!!!!!!!!!!!!!



We took Scott and Paul to Six Flags with the kids today. That was very fun. It was hot, we took Asa, he had fun too. We couldn't stay too long because Kiara's asthma and Scott had to work.

On the way home was tiring until this car went to swerve out of the way of falling items as big as a car bumper......they tried to correct, but overcorrected, then overcorrected again as they were trying to fix the first overcorrection.....yuck. That could have been so much worse than it was. They are alright, and so...I take it, is everyone else. That's just some scary stuff when you are on the freeway..very scary.

Mikah dude

Mikah is growing...yes he's growing physically...this we can see, but what we can hear/see/sense is his spiritual growth. Through conversations with him, you can tell that God drops His ideas and thoughts into Mikah....very cool.

My sweet Kiwi

Kiara had a really bad asthma attack last night. I think I only got 3-4 hours of sleep, because of it, but that's okay, because she's okay. I'm learning that I really have to pay attention to the ozone days down here. Our good friend is also having really bad asthma right now as well.

It's so hard to watch your baby go through that. I know she's 4, but she's still my lil babe. She got scared that she was turning into a monster, because her voice and breathing was really rough and screechy. I told her that wasn't true, because she's on God's side, and He takes care of His children. I prayed over her while we were steaming the bathroom and doing breathing treatments, and when I was done, she just looked up at me with a very peaceful look, and just smiled so big. She's such a brave little girl. I hate that she has asthma, I hate it hate it hate it. Her daddy and her prayed about it this morning, and I guess she's been pretty good on breathing today. She's getting raspy right now, though. I already gave her two treatments. I'm going to have to take her to the doctor and push for a nebulizer. It'll save us some trips to the ER I think. I've been asking a lot of Dallasonians who have asthma about which helps the best during those really bad attacks, and all of them say the nebulizer does the job best. An inhaler is really good for on the go stuff.

At least she's got a really cute backpack for her inhaler stuff on the go :)

Please pray for her, she gets scared and worked up when these attacks happen. Pray for healing, bravery (for all of us), wisdom, and for less and less ozone days.We now know she shouldn't go outside when its level red...which may be a lot this summer.
Thanks.

Just me and you kid, take advantage

Asa and I are the only two awake right now. I think I'm going to change his diaper and take him prayerwalking with me. It's helpful he actually walks....yeah he has for awhile, but what I mean is he NOW will walk with you and hold your hand. Before he wouldn't hold your hand. But then again I may just hurry up and put together the new stroller and take him for a walk in that...either way if there's going to be action done, we have to do it in the morning for the volcano of heat and pollution really come up around 10:30am.....hmmmm...Texas weather. I want to copmplain, but I won't because our winters here are the kind I have wanted forever. NOW DIGGING OUT YOUR CAR :)

Man if you aren't mowing your lawn, you were raking your leaves, if you were doing all of that, your care was buried in a bumload of snow. Plus that white stuff is just COLD. I'm pretty sure I'm warm blooded, so that mean my coats aren't natural.

Anyways. Off to do the do.

What a Story

God is definitely throwing us one surprise after another right now. So much has changed since out trip to Austin....so much. It's beautiful...simply beautiful. We both have changed for the better, and really feel secure in God's hands.

So I had a job interview today...it wasn't planned. Let me tell you the story:

About a week or so ago I was called for a job interview for an office job at this maid service, doing customer service and whatnot. Well, this was the day after I found the independent contractor job...which isn't working out the way I thought it would, by the way. Any ways, I felt good about the freedom with the contractor job, so I called back and canceled the interview. Well, about three days after my job at the contractor job was suppose to start (but didn't) I was shaking in my boots (ok not boots, sandals, I'm not considered a full blown texan yet ;) ), so I called the man back and asked about setting up another interview with him. We set it up and I went....but not inside. It wasn't an office, but a condo, and I was taken back by it and had some fears about meeting a stranger in his home. I prayed with a friend and then tried to call him to ask him about it, but he didn't answer. I then had a rush of fear, and just decided to go home.

Well, due to our financial situation and cluttered house, I decided to put some things on ebay. On one of my auctions, a person asked me if they can just pick up the item, since they live in Dallas, I said yes. Well, that person bid on the item, and won it later. When I looked at the information on the email ebay sent me, his address and name was on it for shipping purposes. THIS WAS THAT GUY I WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE THE INTERVIEW WITH...........yeah I know, right!

So I prayed through this and decided this is way too big of a coincidence. Keep in mind this all happened in a week and a half. So I decided I was going to be totally honest with him. I told him when we met in person and we sat down at Starbucks (where we met) and just had a very good conversation. I was honest about why I didn't go to the interview, and about everything. We talked about the job a bit and decided to set up an interview for another time. Then we talked some more and soon he asked if I was actually available at the moment for the interview to be held at the condo. I was, so we had the interview, it went extremely well, and as long as my references and criminal background checks out, then I've got the job!

Who Is Like God??

Today is Mikah Dante Miller's Birthday. He has turned 7 today. There are soooo many things that have miraculously happened since his birth, because of his birth. I picked out his name before I was a believer, I thought the name sounded cool ( it still does ;) ) and Scott decided on the middle name as we walked around the labor and delivery department. Mikah (Micah) means: Who is like God?, and Dante means: Everlasting; enduring. It was because of his birth I stopped doing drugs and partying. It is because of his birth that I was willing to follow Jesus ( Jesus was my life insurance package). It is because of this birth that I am with my soulmate for eternity. And it is because of this birth that we will experience God through him on a whole new level. This boy is a big significance to me of the many ways God works. God wanted me, he wanted me also to be with Scott, in order to do all of this with one shot, he gave us Mikah. This child is really a gift from God Almighty...rock on :)

A GREAT Birthday

What a FABULOUS BIRTHDAY that was!!!!! It was a day that only God could plan, with a message that could only come from Him. Both Scott and I are definitely in a huge jaw-dropping moment....yeah. There are sooo many words, so many ways of describing this day and our experience, but these escriptions couldn't come close to touching it. We feel like Neo in the Matrix when he was talking to Morpheus..."What the Oracle has told you is for you and you alone...."

So with that being said I can't tell you specifics, but I an share little tidbits.

We were going there to meet this guy we have never met, but our good friend has. I wasn't sure if it was him I needed to talk with before we even got there, but I believe it only took like ten minutes, if that, to just totally know, without a doubt, he was definitely supposed to be a part of this day.

So this man's wife the day before we came or more, found a bird's nest that had fallen from the tree. Inside were three baby birds not quite ready to fly from the nest, but you knew it was close because of the momma bird was just fluttering around in a near-by tree calling them while jumping from branch to branch. Scott and I were showed these birds and the momma before we went into his house. Inside were three people praying,talking, and totally seeking God's fullness. A message was told, a decision was made, when we were walking out of his house, the man gasped and said we had to see something. We looked in the nest the baby birds were in and ALL THREE BABIES HAD FLOWN THE NEST! There we were, 3 children of God hearing our Father's call, and after being obedient and listening, and deciding to fully go to Him, we were able to fly to Him. At least that's the message I got and it's so beautiful, I'm holding onto it. :)

This one's kind of funny. The man was giving me directions on the phone while I communicated(or at least tried to) to Scott who wrote it down. Well, there's a freeway we needed to get on called Loop 1 and I said that outloud, so Scott wrote down what he heard....which was actually LUKE 1. When it come time to reflect on the directions to use them, we looked at that. I corrected the loop/Luke 1. We get there and we all start talking, introducing ourselves, and just learning about each other. About ten minutes into it all, the man was saying how he felt really led to read LUKE 1, and he told us a quick summary of the story and boy how it totally related to Scott and I on many terms! It was absolutely amazing. But it's hilarious how God drops those little words like He was in the car with us.

One more little bit...I was explaining how I throw henna parties and what not, and the man just stopped me, to let me know henna is in the Bible. I finished my story while he searched for it. He found it in Songs of Solomon 1:13 and 4:13. That was just really awesome to know. Well, on the way home I had seen a flashing red billboard that had the word henna on it. It was a car dealership. Hmmmmmm. Made some thinking go on, but not for long. Another 10 miles I saw another billboard with the word Henna on it......yeah...that's all I'm going to say about that.

We also got to meet up with a friend of ours while down there. We had great conversations, caught up with what's going on with each other, and just ate some food. It was really nice to catch up. We had met her, along with almost everyone we hold close to our hearts, through the internet space. It was just really good to connect with her and finally meet her last year, then go camping with her and her boyfriend.

It really was a great day to start this next year of my life :)

To be a clean freak or not to be a clean freak

So I have started working today for the housecleaning dealio, and it was pretty cool. House cleaning is soooooo much easier when you don't have to organize and actually pick up a gazillion things. What my job is to do is the dust, sweep, mop, vacuum, clean bathrooms, mirrors, polish furniture, clean the kitchen, and stuff like that. Thank God too, because have you ever tried cleaning someone else's house??? It's insane.. you don't know where everything is, or is meant to be, and it takes longer because of that very fact. Granted I don't have any problem helping people out in this manner, but I'm just thankful I don't have to mess with it in this job.

One of my big concerns with this job is that it hasn't been producing as much work as I had hoped so far. Shall I sit and quiver....not today. I have made up some business cards for my own little shin-dig on the side, hopefully to become to main dealio. I will offer housekeeping, dog walking and henna parties....I know I have to be unique, right? :) So if you know anyone in the Dallas area that needs any of these services, have them email me :)

So I've been curious if doing this kind of work will turn me into a clean freak...... we'll see soon enough!

Just stuff....hee hee

I've been trying to prepare for this trip and there really is no way of doing that. Yeah, I can plan certain things as like when we leave, when we will meet with people and possibly where, but there's absolutely no way of preparing for what's REALLY going to happen. Not only because it is unknown, but mostly because I feel God is so wrapped around this trip in every way. It's not unnerving, but exciting. Also it's just so awesome I get to share this with my best friend, husband, and partner in crime ;)

Birthdays are happening these next 4 days. Mine is Saturday, and Mikah's is Monday. He's going to be 7 years old. Man, this is where I FEEL old. Not having myself, another birthday, but having been a mother for 7 years. Man, when I'm 37, he will be 20 :o

Okay I'll stop right there.....hee hee. I don't need a heart attack or anything!

For Mikah's birthday we hope to take him to six flags(yay for getting season passes forever ago!) and try somehow, sometime to throw him a birthday bash with the community. Too cool, huh? He's got some sonic the hedgehog plush toys coming, gifts from family, that he's going to thoroughly enjoy. Wowza!

Also I have work tomorrow! yay! I can make money, we soooooooo need right now.Thanks God!

Photos....finally :)

So here it is, just a few to begin with, more coming soon. Here's my flickr account.

Enjoy!

Our Adventure coming soon

Wow, (how many times have I started a post with that???) its so funny and amazing to me how God works. Within the past couple of days I have been torn and struggled humbly in His midst, and He in many, many ways has lifted me/us up from it. I feel so graciously moved by His Spirit and its thoroughly exciting.

Scott and I are taking a trip to Austin this coming Saturday (my birthday...yeah!party! okay, maybe not, but still we have an adventure) without any kids. Let me repeat that....WITHOUT KIDS!!!!! Some awesome people in our community are willing to take over the kids for the time we are there. THANKS YOU GUYS!

Its an adventure for many reasons, but mostly because we're going without knowing what's going to happen or what we are going to experience. I've felt for over a month now that I needed to take this trip...not sure why, just need to. But even set that aside we have never been to Austin and are hoping to meet up with some great people down there. Plus we have freedom to explore this city I've heard some great things about.

I'm hoping to visit the Austin House of Prayer while down there, and maybe take part in a time period... we'll see.

If any of you know a place in Austin that's cheap/free that would be fun, let us know. Thanks.

Love Has Won

I found myself in deep prayer tonight...even as I washed the dishes and cleaned the kitchen. I don't even know how to describe it. I guess I could just say it was like God had total control of my imagination to give me comfort and peace. I still have unanswered questions, but I now have a more guided way to pray. I have to admit, prior to doing the dishes, I was distraught, holding onto anger and confusion, I just felt out of control and out of my mind. It amazes me how quickly God can change your heart if you just stop long enough to breath Him in. You don't even have to say anything, just stop thinking, stop with the purpose to come and fill you, and He does. I guess it amazes me even more how hard I make it to just allow God to come in.

(sigh)

I don't feel very good today, I think my body's trying to catch a cold. I'm struggling with a lot of thoughts, and I can't quite get them straightened out...what's important and what's not...does any of it matter? Should I just stop myself from this never-ending struggle and move on? I'm not sure really, but I'm really hoping to find the answer soon. There are certain ways I want to be like, but I feel too lazy to even try them, and then by feeling lazy I kick myself in the tail. I want to be more involved with the kids, and the family as a whole, but I can't seem to find a peaceful way of going about doing this. It seems as though everytime I try, everything ends up in a hole of anger and frustration.

I thought I was supposed to start my new job today, but I guess they didn't have anything for me today. I'm supposed to call them tomorrow morning. Hopefully they have something for me then. It sucks because it starts all of these uneccessary worries and thoughts that just mess everything up other than just trying to trust God with our lives. I love God like crazy and it drives me nuts that I fall back with my trust. I think my problem today especially is that I don't feel good and with that comes a comfort-frustration all in its own. Today's a good day for praying your guts out, then stopping to listen and feel His grace.

Our Prayer Space

Wow, my 24 hour prayer session is finished. That was hard, but totally worth it. During the night in the beginning was the best time to be there. We went through and annointed each space with oil, then we just started singing. All of my kids were asleep, so it was so peaceful and quiet.

What I found really awesome was that there was a small group of birds right outside that were singing all night.

We had a henna station, where you could henna yourself as you prayed. A prayer painting station where you can pray while you paint or paint your prayers out. There was a basket of scrap paper wher eyou could write out your prayers and place them on the wall, so others could pray it too. We had visuals set up all over, we even had a prayer session in the bathroom, where you can stand and look at yourself in the mirror, confess what you see and then pray to God and ask Him to reveal the truth and allow you to see it.

During the day it seemed to change, but that was okay. The older kids decided to become a part of it. Kiara prayed out loud, and Mikah wrote down some prayers. Plus they both decided to draw pictures for God and put them up on the wall. That was really neat to see.

Prayer....for..24 hours STRAIGHT??!!!!!??!!!!!!!???????

Tonight at midnight begins my 24 hour prayer session thingy-do. I'm kind of nervous. I feel as though I'm going to really learn something about myself through this, and in all honesty it scares the crap out of me. Whenever God has revealed something about me to me its been life changing, or at least mind changing, which is very good to have done, but man the process can be painful sometimes.

I'm also looking forward to the space of our place being changed, not really much physically, but spiritually. Granted this is house or shall I say apartment... that belongs to God, but during this time we will not only still lift it to Him, but ask for His beautiful voice and breath to be upon it, inside it and all around it.


I'm not sure who all reads my blog, but if any of you out there want/neep some prayer, you can email me at: kiwijasmyn[at]yahoo[dot]com

Now I best get off here so I can enjoy the day with my older kidlings, better do it before my next job starts.

My handy Dandy Garage sale

Yeah, sometimes I even hate it when I get spontaneous. Yesterday I decided to have a garage sale today. I gathered up a ton of stuff and set it up outside. I made $15. Yeah not worth the trouble and energy, but we as a community are hoping to have another soon in a different location so at least I have everything picked out.

You know it truelly is amazing what you can live without....especially knickknacks and decorating items.

Shaving it up

The boys have mohawks.....it is awesome. They are so much cooler than I could ever be.

here's a title

I'm having a tense evening....I'm not totally sure why. The kids are running around doing their usual, but I just don't think this is the main source.

I feel as though I'm running towards something God is inspiring as well as pushing for, but I'm not clear as to what this is to become, or even be similar to. Many times I've wanted to just stop pursuing this "running" to just breathe. Unfortunately if I do that I really feel I would be jumping off of the course God really desires me to pursue. I just want to give God the deal of if He lets me know, then I'll continue....yeah..right. I wanted to cancel the 24 hour prayer session coming soon... but its mostly due to the fear of not being able to accomplish what it is He desires me to get from it. He is gracious and merciful, I know this. And because of this knowledge I will press on with the running. I need His courage and encouragement, as well as the faith to press on.

I also feel as though there's something I'm not doing, that I'm supposed to be doing. I am hopeful I will find this out and begin to fill this empty cup of mine by allowing Him to do so however He desires me to go about that....if that makes sense.

Here's to running off cliffs and flying helplessly into His arms. Thanks Justin for that picture.

J-O-B

I no longer work at Michael's. It is now official. I'm very happy, but also very sad. This was the first place I've liked almost everyone. But it wasn't meant to be for me and my physical/emotional capabilities/happiness.

I was offered an interview for an office job today. Working 8a-2p 30 minutes away answering phones and handling clients. I turned it down. Yeah it "looks" better than cleaning up people's homes, but I wasn't at peace with it. I wouldn't have the flexibility, or the close driving, or the options of making more money....or the flexibility, yeah I'm really won over with that one alone.

I just feel really great about the contractor job. It was very nice to be encouraged though by another interview.

Bang bang, rub rub, blame blame

Mikah, Kiara, and Asa were outside playing. Mikah was riding his bike while the other two chased him. It was working out really well until Asa got too close, so Mikah turned right over Kiara's feet causing her to trip and cut up her knee pretty bad. I finally got everyone back inside the apartment, and the whole time Kiara is screaming out all of her pain and fear. As I go get the clean-up-boo-boo-kit I hear Asa starting to cry with her. I though this was a cute way for him to show some kind of sympathy towards his older sis....I was wrong. He took off his shoes, and there was a big blister on the side of his foot where the shoe was rubbing. Ouch. So I had both of them screaming out their anguish and pains, then I turn to ask Mikah for help. HE's got his arms crossed and a very hurt facial expression and he's sniffling. "It's all my fault! I hurt everybody!"

Oh my goodness gracious......calm down mom, he's really beating himself up about this...calm down mom, these kids are hurt...calm down mom pretty bandaids cure everything.

I talk with Mikah as I do the bandaging of the kidlings. Everyone survived, and all is well. And the coolest thing of all other than no broken bones, is that I was able to keep my cool, instead of screaming like they were.

In The Breakroom

I was chilling out in the breakroom with my friend where she turned on the t.v. to watch this Spanish version of Jerry Springer. On there was a prostitute who fell in love with her pimp. Wow, I can't even begin to understand the mindset of the situations these people find themselves in. It breaks my heart, human trafficking, prostitution, and the point of confusion where these woman believe its not only okay, but exciting as well. I don't curl my nose in disgust at these people, but I sure have a softened heart to pray for them all. Even the pimps, even though that in itself will be a trial, they still have a soft spot with God.

I'm so thankful I am able to pray for them.

My jobby-job

I now have a new jobby-job! Yeah buddy! I'm an independent contractor for Shannon's personal services. I will do house cleaning work, and all that jazzy-do. I'm really excited about this, because I make my own hours, and days which is awesome so I can plan to do my relationship building, and some family strengthening.

I'll get paid decent in the the beginning, but after awhile I get raises and bonuses, as well am able to accept tips. What's really cool about this job is that it's a definite God-given job. It really has His signature written all over it. First of all I would have never applied to this kind of job, not because of pride, but mostly because of the bad representation of pay these hard workers get. Well I was looiking through the employment guide, and as I scanned over it, something struck my curiosity about it. All it said was housekeepers needed, and then the number, but it really stuck out to me. Well I called and talked with the lady on the phone, who was pleasant and she asked if I could come in for an interview this morning. Wow....really? So I was curious, and I asked what I needed to bring, she said a liscense and a social security card. Really...wow they must need people bad, is what I was thinking.

I go in and I read a couple of pages about who they are, what they do, and all that, and I felt really impressed, and even more curious. So I sat down and talked with her some more, then she laid it all out for me, asked me if I was interested in doing the job, and I just felt extremely comfortable with saying yes.....so I did. Wow. I got a job. and I'm my own boss. Cool.

my day of today

I went job hunting today.....I hate this process...with a passion. But good news on the horizon, I have a job interview for a house keeping position for places in my area. This is encouraging, so I thank God and press on.

I checked out 7 eleven....just because its super close. The manager there was giving me the process of how to get hired there, and man.....they have got a lllloooonnnnngggg process. It amazes me people actually go through it to work there.

I wrote a song today with my friend Andrew, it was very cool. I've never written a song with someone's music before, it was fun. Probably won't be famous, but it would be great for worship at church.

now i get to figure out some online applications. yay.

No A/C, No scents

This is just weird in so many different ways. When our air conditioner blows, its has a bad habit of blowing air scents from other apartments. There was once an apartment above us being painted and it scented our place for two weeks.....yuck. Between the scent of cigarettes and cat territorial scents, we now have a new scent....skunk.

What the....how the....why the.....?????

Yeah, this is getting ridiculous.

Kiara

So Kiara typed her name in the internet and this is one of the things she found.

She IS character.

Something to say...beware

I keep finding myself in the paths of people who thrive on gaining information just for the gaining instead of the appreciation of what is actually being said, then trying it out. This Jesus guy.....complicated, right? His radical ideas of how to love people and how to reach people, then top that off with His explanation of His life, His communication with the Father, and why He was here and is here. If that wasn't mind boggling enough, then we might as well throw in about the in-betweenies of why it all had to happen that way.

I apologize for any misunderstandings for the above. What I want to say is simple, but complicated...just like the Big Jesus guy.

*Love each other, love each other openly like you are best friends, totally unconditionally through thick and thin, burnt and crispy. This is very simple and understanding to say and hear, but doing it is the hardest thing to ever accomplish. To expose ourselves like that to allow someone to love us is rough, but also to love someone that drives you crazy, you don't 'click' with, that you never met......wow, that's difficult. Will we succeed thoroughly, probably not, we aren't Jesus, but through Him we can learn how to if we ask and then trust that He will provide.

*Keep your understanding of Jesus in simple, plain language. Have that kind of explanation available....you'll never know who will need that, instead of the large theologian explanation. I never knew Jesus to speak to people in a way they couldn't understand them, this is one of the biggest reasons He spoke in parables a lot of the times. We drop our seeds everywhere, whether it be at church, here on our blogs/emails, in the grocery store, on our death bed. We are living our testimonies. Now that you have a simple explanation, ask God to use it....to use you.

*The last thing I need to say and really press on is limiting God. Wow....how in the heck can we do this??? He is the maker, controller, the creator...HE IS IT! How in the world is it possible for us to put limitations on HIM???

Do we ever stop God from doing His thing? No, but we have a say on whether or not we are a part of it. I'm not sure about you, but I don't want to miss out on nothing! Anytime that I can be a little grain of sand in God's ginormous plan, I'm all about it. We have choices to make, to jump or not when He calls, to help that mean old lady that always screams at us, when she drops her things in the road, to give a homeless man some food and drink, to listen to someone's tears and lend a shoulder, but also to not seek His desires for you. And believe me when I say this, He has grand desires for you. When you are out of a job, or have a ministry that is struggling, or a relationship tearing apart, have the faith to ask Him to be in it totally! Also have the faith to believe He can and will help. Want to serve God, but can't find a way to do so? Ask God to drop it in your lap! Whatever He may have in mind.

I do want to add, from my own experience, that God has a huge sense of humor, so any specifics are good, just keep in mind while asking, He's got humor too.

Got kid/s? Young mothers/parents have a hard time when their children are young feeling as though they are serving God. Its hard, every hour of everyday is unexpectable, unplanned, and almost chaotic. Kids are screaming, running all over the place, making messes, taking off their diapers, and smacking each other....wow how am I going to find the time to do the dishes...(sniff sniff) or bathe myself! HEE HEE! Let alone do some kind of ministry or free up the time to do God work.

Now with those images in your head, take a breath...no take several relaxing breaths.

Ready? |
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Those kids are your very own little disciples. You are the biggest influence in their lives...if you choose to be such.

I struggle with this still. Dang it, my baby still jabbers at me! How can I have a real conversation with him!?! I just talk to him, like any other kid, but the real deal is going to be when he is older in an understanding age. Bring Jesus and God up now, and keep doing so, then when speach comes, the questions will too, and that's when it gets really awesome.

Also, live missionally together as a family. Have people over for meals, tea/coffee, games(this is a great way to get to know people and have fun!), just reach out. You know that one person that just looks lonely, you may just have a hello, and goodbye relationship with....invite them over for something....movie, henna, games, kid play. Some other way for parents to get out and about is by allowing their kids to be ice breakers with people. Kids are awesome for this...they are naturals at it. They don't even have to try! I don't suggest going out to eat at restaurants... its expensive, stressful, and can be very distracting and loud. Home gatherings are far more personal, cheaper, and enjoyable. It also seems to be a great way of showing someone's importance to that person when you invite them into your home. Can't afford a meal, get a potluck going where everyone brings something. not enough table space? Have a picnic on the floor, in your yard, on your porch.

Okay, wow, that was a lot.

By the way: As of right now, my toddler thinks its really cool to stand on his chair, jump, then in midair roll so when he hits the floor he'll be on his stomach instead of his back. better go.

I'm surrounded

Kiara, Asa, and Scott are now sickly, bummer. I've had to give Kiara breathing treatments from her inhaler, and Asa's just whiny, crying and very fussy. Scott got it too, so I'm trying to make sure he gets his rest. Luckily he had yesterday off, but tonight he goes in. Lots of lemon and honey water. I've been sure to take my vitamin C often.....I don't want to get this.

At church we are doing story tellings instead of teachings....which is a great way of doing a teaching by learning from someone's testimony. Its a break to stop and smell the flowers of everyone, to stop moving forward and find out in every aspect possible what's growing, how it's growing, and where its growing to. It's also very awesome for us because we don't really know everyone's story, and this is a great way of finding out.

I'm trying to learn how to rely totally on God, this is a life-long process and a series of events, but in this season and this moment that's what's up. Trust Him to provide, trust Him totally to guide me. It can get challenging, but I press on with giving Him my concerns and worries. How He has taken care of us in the past has been amazing, why am I worried now? What's funny is that I'm not really stressing right now, but I see the fear coming somehow, anticipation sucks. But its good that I see it coming, so I can prepare for it and try to push it away as soon as possible.

Cheers to the Faith!

Boom Baby!

So I was playing around at work, on my break (I'm responsible and mature ;) and I took a big leap in pretending we were running from our boss, and as I did, my knee popped really loud and burned with sharp pains running through my leg. Bummer. No Bueno. I have knee issues anyways, but now I can't kneel or keep it totally straight. If its killing me tomorrow I'll have to go to get it checked out. Let me tell ya, with three trucks next week to unload, this is going to suck if I can't get it better.

So I made my soup-stuff. I couldn't get Mary's mixin', so I threw in some stuff by smell....with Scott looking at me very wearily. I also threw in some pinto beans and potatoes.....this stuff is awesome! Especially with a tad sprinkle fo cheese. I left the hamburger out, in case Scott would actually eat it.

I have a week left at work.....wowza. I'm really glad, we are starting to have three trucks a week again starting this coming week, my last...yay. I can't do that crap anymore. My body barely works as it is at home, but when you mix that into it...nothing. No power, no energy. I actually tend to feel in the negative.

I started doing prayer scribbles in my sketch book. Its been very fun and interesting. I can't wait til we do 24 hours straight of prayer here. I want to set up, music, painting stuff, beading, tons of paper and wall space. There will also be a designated room for solitude, if I can find a babysitter.

there's no turning back

Okay, two of my books have arrived today......here we go group of pages....teach me something, guide my brain God with this pile of pages....let me finish them.


heeh hee hee! This is just hilarious to me. I always pick on Scott for his book addiction, and here I am.....oh well. A friend of mine had one of these books, and I read a bit of it and peaked at it, and I just knew there was something in there I needed to get. Then I researched other books by him on the same subject, and felt the same. By the way, if you knew me, you would know that books just aren't my thing, between kids, prior-bird-awakening work hours, the house and everything else, I just can't focus and study. So far, I've been able to read around the kids, luckily my purse is big enough to fit them in there.

So I think I just cooked a cow and a half just now. Gross. I haven't cooked beef in forever, let alone ate it. It'll be good for what I'm about to make. I'm going to have some rice, cook it in tomatoe paste and diced tomatoes with and hamburger chopped zuccini with the seasonings of crushed red pepper, and my friend, Mary's spice mix she makes....yummy.

waffles...yummy

man I wish i had energy to cook more often. I made some waffles this morning, and they were good. I think I'm the only one who fully appreciated them, but that's ok...they were good!

I'm looking forward to my last day at work, its going to be interesting, yet also a sense of freedom. Everyone there is making me promise to come and have lunch breaks with them, that feels good. God has truely worked in that place with those people, and boy were the seeds planted. Now to trust God with the growing and make a habit of going for lunch there.

My Interview results

Well, I didn't get the job at Richland College, which is okay, because I didn't want it unless it was my next step....seems like God has something else in mind. There may still be other possiblities at the college, but I may not hear from that for awhile.

I'm actually excited, though, even though I didn't get it. God's working for me, and that just feels good. I'll find something soon enough...we'll be taken care of, we always have been tight in His arms. I can't wait to see what He has in store for us!

stepping back to breathe

What is it with this month? I've blogged more than I have before, I've experienced God more, I've got so many changes going on all around me....wowza! Also, I've been experienceing challenges, I never thought would ever be an issue. Just thought I would step back and look at it.

feeling better

I'm sure no one has read the post below yet....if not....read that one first and this one will make a bit more ssense....if that's possible!

I feel better. I had a nap and woke up to a call of encouragement. God totally knew what I needed. I guess I was struggling with something that isn't even mine to struggle with....not yet anyhow.

I've actually ordered some books for myself....this is a rare thing....I don't know how to read.....ok so maybe I do. But the reason why its so rare is because I never really have much time by myself to just read...some books, like harry potter, i can read around the kids, but that's because i don't need to study it. these are the kind to study and learn from. They are written by a DTS professor. I'm very excited about them.

I've been really digging The Restoration Project . It's been so refreshing to me...especially the latter part of the album. Those are some good lyrics.

woooooo

Man, I'm feeling very discouraged today. I feel like I can't blog what I feel I need to or want to, because I don't ......I don't even friggin know. I'm tempted to just stop blogging all together....but then I would feel like I'm giving in. Into what, who the hell knows. I feel angry, depressed and like plain crud because of it too. I want to just shut down....stop talking about things ....and just deal with it by myself. But that would suck, this is not why God says we need to live in community. I just have soooo much anxiety in me right now, and it keeps building. I'm sooooo damn sick of being like this. I'm tired of my emotions right now. Why can't I just take a break from them?

I think I need a nap and a clear head, then tomorrow I will move forwards instead of miles behind me.

thanks for listening.

Wrestling

Last night went very well, I feel like I accomplished a step God needed me to take to move forward. I told my story last night. Forgive me for not getting pictures or my story up soon. I'm trying, but most of the time I have to ttype quick and get off the computer quick....three kids, ya know.

Anyways, since I have given my story, the whole group prayed for Scott and I and our family's ministry and what it will become.....that felt soooooooo good. Today, I am very overwhelmed with the push to go go go, but my question is what, what, how. I feel kind of scattered with excitement and confusion. I wish I could answer the question: Where do you see yourself in ten years? ; without just "Wherever God puts us"


I want specifics! I want to know! Hee hee. But that may not reveal itself until that very time comes. I'm ok with that, but today I'm just wrestling with my thoughts and mixing them with God's guidance.

What these next couple of months hold that I need prayers for:

-finding a new job that God is preparing for me

-I have a meeting with the Ministers of Missions May 24th, where I'm hoping to let them know our hopes, desires, and outreach/church planting with the hopes of their support

-I want to once or twice have a 24 hour period in this house that has a constant prayer going, I pray we can find a babysitter also. I have always had it in my heart to do 24/7 prayer, but this is my baby step which feels ginormous!

-Henna parties, small and big, some with food, some with snacks, some with a movie

-movie nights, game nights, girl makeover nights...whatever

-conversational day....this needs to happen soon...pray that the people who need to be there to talk and hear openly conversations about who this Jesus guy is, will be there

Not sure what else.....I'll keep you posted.

thanks much to you all, much love to ya
I know i

My Interview

My interview went very well, I think. I left feeling highly encouraged and excited about it. I also felt they were on that same page. I should find out Wednesday by the latest.

Art, Beads, and Jazz

Wow, what a long, but great day. It's long because I worked, great for a number of reasons. Scott took the kids to the park and they had a blast. Then I got the kids ready to go downtown to the Trammell & Margaret Crow Collection of Asian Art for some foods of Polynesia, Feng Shui beading (not a fan, but it is interesting and fun to make an anklet), watched some hula dancing, and Kiara and I even joined the dancers at the end! Next we crossed the street to go to the Dallas Musuem of Art to listen to a group of live jazz musicians rock with their instruments. We took a break from the front stage sound and had a quick run-thru of the museum, then went back out for some more jazzy-dooo. What's even more awesome about this night was it only cost us $6 for parking......that's it! It made me really appreciate living in a big city.

It was a good night.

Let me just say God rocks......God Rocks

Okay, so I just left my 2.5 week notice with Michael's Arts ans Crafts the day before yesterday. Well that day I received an email about a job at Richland College for a part time morning person at the test center. I sent my resume via email, and they just called setting up an interview for tomorrow morning at 9:10am . Even though there's no certainties, its still great encouragement.

All willing, please pray with me about it. What is truelly on my heart to do is church plant/outreach ministry with the fam....or plain english to organic folks: build strong relationships throughout our community with Christ smack-dab in the center, in hopes to spread Him contageously through His light, while helping those in need of food, health stuff, a good shoulder to cry on, a family to laugh and celebrate with, an ear for ventilation, and just a caring community.

I just pray that God's hand will be in it...whatever...wherever, but it would be cool for our family's dream/desires to come to reality.

We Are Now Hennafied

Man, these parties just keep getting better and better! We had five new people come to this one and it simply rocked! I think we had all together 12 people in and out, and out of those only one ended the party without a tattoo, by his own choice ( we sure did try though;) My friend Andrew came with his guitar and played us some of his music.....by the way he ROCKS on his guitar! We are hoping to get together and make up some worship music....that would be sooo cool. A girl who came last time, brought a friend this time.


There was food, soda, great conversation, good laughs, and henna with God right in the center of it all.... what more do you need in life? Next henna party coming to a Miller house soon near you, well if you live in Dallas.

Pics coming soon if I can ever find that darn upload cord....hmmm.

HENNA PARTY TONIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Come all willing to hang out for good conversation and food, but most of all some serious henna. Yeah buddy!

Write, Tell, All God

My heart is going every which way it can right now, but my mind is desiring to rush things. I need unity here of them both to move forward.....that's just how I'm built. God's teaching me how. I need to just write everything down....plain an simple. Write out my prayers, my ideas, my to-do lists, everything. write write write. I need to be able to look at it all so it doesn't seem/feel so heavy. I've noticed that once I write it down, it all doesn't seem/feel so heavy. Some of it is really big stuff that may take me days, or even months to accomplish, but at least I have something to help my focus and to give relief to this overwhelming feeling that its all impossible. Baby steps.

On another note, its been soooooo amazing seeing God at work in our lives and those around us. It's thrilling to be a part of it, as well as to hear about it. Our church is starting to have people come and tell their stories of how God has/is working in their lives. I'm really excited to learn more about people and how He is moving. When they asked for volunteers for someone to be first next Saturday, I was not okay with being first out of shyness a bit, but mostly because my story is a bit overwhelming to myself at times. But no one quickly spoke up, and I felt the leading to just do it..... so my story is next Saturday. I'm okay with it now, just need a little planning for the audience's understanding. After Saturday, I plan to post it. It will be very interesting to travel through my past and watch again what God has done and is doing.

I went into urgent care the night before last. My stomach was burning and having sharp pains through it. I couldn't take it anymore, so I went. It turns out that I have a peptic ulcer, which I pretty much knew, considering I have had three in my teenage years. What's so funny is my friend, Julie, sent me a book to read called Encourage me, which she just grabbed off the shelf. Well, as I was skimming though it, I caught a part talking about calling for help, so I stopped and read it. At the bottom it said,"Since when is a bleeding ulcer a sign of spirituality?"

I laughed out loud..funny stuff, great coincidence, yet it wouldn't be surprising if it were all God, because the message I got from it was much needed to hear about my job situation and all.

A message

I read somewhere today a saying/statement: "If you were willing to die with Him, then why not be willing to live with Him?"


Huh....so much said in so little words. I can't seem to shake it, so I'll flow with it.

So here are my questions for you:

Is it easier to die (totally give yourself) for Christ, than it is to try to live in Him? Why?


What does it take to die for Christ?

What does it take for you to live in Him?

To give yourself fully, your life, your behavior, your whole self......that's serious business. So why stop there after you jump? Why not grow in Him and see the beauty after the grave...see the true light and true life..how it was meant to be? I was stuck in the ground after giving my life to Christ for quite the while. I had the passion, but was afraid of using it due to lack of understanding my faith, being so new. So I just dwindled a little while. Finally I started to seek a little. Got into daily duties at a local church and searched for His face. I found myself still hungry and starved for something more than that. I need to hear His voice....to see His face.... To learn more.

For our family, it took a huge leap of faith by moving half across the country...we couldn't stand to stave anymore. We needed to experience His promises, His Church, but most of all His FREEDOM.

A man is crawling on his hands and knees. He's got stones and blistering boulders on his back. He's barely moving. He sees a light, and learns he doesn't have to carry this load anymore, he doesn't have to be burnt anymore, he doesn't have to crawl anymore. He can just drop off his weight with a choice to rust that it will be taken and that this is the only way for it to be taken from him. So he decides.....he trusts this and drops the load at the light. He sighs, he breathes better, he's finally free of that burden.....and then crawls forward.


Why didn't he stand up, run, jump for joy, dance or whatever he couldn't do before? Because he was so use to being on his knees.....carrying all that weight and pain. Just to be relieved of that was huge! So why move on? Why not be totally satified with just that? BECAUSE THERE'S SOOOO MUCH MORE GOD CRAVES FOR YOU! He wants to not only help you every way He can, but He wants a very close relationship with you. Don't get me wrong, the lifting of burdens and forgiveness of sins through atonement is no little thing at all. But here's a God who wants to Give you more...it pleases Him to do so, and in that you'll get an outstanding relationship with Him.

Seek the trust, truth, faith, love, and freedom my friends.

A decent day with great conversation

Today was good. I went into work 45 minutes late, kind of on purpose due to an important conversation with Scott on top of sleeping in a tad. It was good though. I never do that or call in, so they were okay at work, plus I got to have a time with just Scott and myself talking.

I was at work, tired, and just plain bored, but still keeping busy, and these three girls started asking me a little about henna and when my next party was going to be. These are three girls I've never worked with much because they are new to the crew. They also haven't been to one, so it sounds like the next one will be a big one. I'm so friggin' excited. Tuesday will hopefully be the day, just pray that the black henna pen comes in, before then. Its on its way.

Jenny from church came over to help out with the kids mercifully and graciously. She survived the craziness of what can come about of the Miller kids, one without a nap. Very brave Jenny. She did excellent with the kids, and we had some good conversation too.

Also the past day or so, Danae has been in email conversation about our desires to do outreach/ministry/live as/live with/just be us as a family , as well as asking about my prayer life. Its very good to be questioned things about how and why you do/live....it helps you focus on truth, reality, but also guides you into the knowledge of what's really important and teaches you about you. I'm grateful for all her questions, it helps me maintain my focus on Christ in everything....exactly where it should be.

Good day full of great conversaton and ideas. Thanks for coming along.

CAN't....ugh....KEEP it....ugh..To---geth---er !

Wow, this was a definite go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-stop-breath-go-go day. I've been on the phone all day, on top of taking ALL THREE KIDS TO THE DENTIST, and faxing important stuff at UPS, then back on the phone.

The dentist was interesting. HUGE KUDOS FOR ANGELA FOR SAVING ME! So here's what happened: I called the dentist to set up an appointment for next week, they didn't have anything but today was totally open, for all three. So I ask when to come, they said in thirty minutes! This is something I wasn't going to just put off to prevent possible freak-outs, so I took it. I told Scott like this: "Okay, hon, don't freak out, but I need your help in getting the kids ready for the dentist. We have to be there in 30 minutes." Wow......no freak-outs, no nothing. He was very cool and helped me with the kids. So we get there. I have the wrong papers for insurance so only one kid, whose forms were correct, could be seen.......grrrrrrrrr. Well, Angela shortly after returned my call for prayer for the day and prayed for me, and five minutes after I got off the phone, the guy at the window said he could try the numbers I did have and get the cleared if they are current, and he did. So all the kids were seen within an hour and 15 minutes of being at the dentist. Also Angela was able to be there most of the time to help me with the kids. THANK GOD AGAIN FOR THAT.

Anyways, I feel so scattered and unorganized, but haven't the time to be organized..... and in that I feel really stuck. I just wish I could figure out a way to program everything to work as it should so I can just get on with what's really important....but the kids wouldn't sit still for that...hee hee.


Prayer issues.....oh sweet loving Jesus.....the prayer issues. Right now I've got so much to pray for that I am starting to forget it all, cause there's sooooooo much and it's all very import to pray for, so I'm planning on starting a prayer journal with Scott and myself and anyone who comes into the house. I may even have a little notepad to stash in my purse for on the go stuff. Either way, it can't just be forgotten anymore.....I won't allow it. Prayer is extremely important to me and is a necessity.

any prayers are welcome.

wow this is kind of ironic/weird

So here's some praise towards the issue of people coming to me about their needs: a church here is willing to help us out totally with them. The problem I'm finding at this particular moment is the needs now. Granted there are one or two right now, but I can't find the others that were really stretched for it....I can't seem to get ahold of them. That's okay I guess I just hope they are doing okay, and don't need the help if I can't find them. (sigh)

What will this look like???????

So I'm finally here. My day off...yay! So far I've done nothing physical, other than shower, but my mental part is just going going going so fast. I have on my heart to somehow reach to the community. Actually go out and meet these people...get to know them. Do I plan to preach.....no. Do I plan to share the gospel....only if they ask or I feel genuinely led to. So what is it I desire and feel pushed to do? I want to go where the people are. Whether that be coffee shops, libraries, or whatever, I want to be there. I want to put myself there for days in on the week, have my presense there to be able to strike up a conversation. At the library I would love to be able to read to the kids a couple of times a week at least. I think this would be very awesome, a way to meet the parents/caregivers, and also reading to kids is just awesome for them and me. What is my problem????? Time. I don't have the time or energy right now, because of my job. And I definitely don't have the funds to cutback on hours or anything. I've been researching many options of how this can happen and I'm still at square one. I hope that the ball or a ball will start rolling before my mind makes up a bunch of discouraging issues that I would just rather avoid, than wade in it. What really pushes me is that this is the first crazy idea of mine that isn't at all selfish. It isn't out for gain or anything in the like. Here's to the FAITH! Cheers.

Just breath one breath at a time

So I'm still alive, of course, but I'm more than exhausted. I also found out just today my one day off this week isn't tomorrow, but Friday, so I guess I have yet one more day. I'm pretty much done with this job. I just can't function at home the way I need to...even when I work my regular schedule. So back on the hunt, hopefully I can find something fast. I hope I can find something I REALLY want to do.

What' also sucks about my exhaustion is that I'm easily fed lies and buy into them, causing me to just really stress out. Such as I'm not going to ever get to do I want career-wise, and will never find anything I actually enjoy. Also, if I quit this job then I will just end up in the same situation 6-8 months from the time I start. I also am starting to feel that I seriously lack in trust and faith, and this is killing my heart.

On the good side....my friend went in and they got her blood sugar under control. She's back on insulin shots, which she isn't happy about, but at least she has a way of keeping it under control. She is also joining us tonight for healing rooms where we just sit and pray for each other. This rocks.

I have survived thus far

I can't believe I can hold my head up after today, but God's been very generous in my energy issues. The kids are gone once again for my much needed rest. Yay God, yay community. I've got one more day until my day off. A day off sounds soooooooooo good.

Also on another note, please pray for my friend. She has diabetes and yesterday her blood sugar was extremely high, and today she went into ER and I'm still waiting to hear from her. She's only 23, and got diabetes from her pregnancy with her daughter. thanks.

ughhhhhhhhhhh

Crap.....no actually I mean shit. I came home today more than thoroughly exhausted. I have no energy, and my body hurts. (sigh) Tomorrow I face another really long day at work with a truck full of heavy ass boxes......I honestly don't feel as though I can make it through tomorrow. I guess I'll find out for sure.

Thank God for the community stepping up to help out. THANK GOD.

Whoa.....can I handle this?

So a lot has been happening in such a short time of being back. I came back to work, and this past week has been very exhausting. Unfortunately, the new schedule added on some more days on my work stretch from the previous week, so now I am to work 8 days in a row. On top of that, it's a full time week ( I'm seriously struggling physically with the part time weeks). So I plan to push through it, prayerfully and hopefully. The next two days I have really long days....I just pray that I can do it and get it done and in the past. My eyes are again open for another job. I've come to the realization that I just can't handle this kind of work. We'll see. Please pray for my physical well being and appetite. I can't seem to acquire an appetite and when I do I'm so tired I can't seem to fix anything healthy.

But on the brighter side of things I may be getting some assistance with helping people from a local church. This is a totally answered prayer and I can praise all day for it. Awhile ago people just started coming up to me about their needs, and I couldn't do much for them, but felt I needed to try something, so we contacted this church about it. Well, I've received the answer and I should know more soon. I'm so excited....all I ever wanted to do was help people and now I feel I can do so much more than just be there for them (which believe me is a great big deal, but now its a greater bigger deal.....if that is even english-language correct???) We'll see. More info later.

Thanks so much for the prayers. Take care!

Oh the joy of what henna can bring

We had a henna party last n ight and it went very well. We all had a blast. Kids everywhere, henna being painted all over everyone....even the kids got in on it! It was great time for fellowship, getting to know each other, and just plain hanging out. Two ladies from work came and I think I got them addicted.....because they came over again today for more!

So here lately God's been desiring me to just trust Him more. Trust that not only will He take care of my family and myself, but trust that He is in control of what I cannot be. Trust that He desires certain things out of me for the best in the future. This can be difficult and very humbling, but I'm trying to learn as much as I can from Him and the Church. I can't wait to see the path He's guiding me to.

We're back and I'm a slacker at blogging

We're back from vacation in Indiana. We got to see a lot of family and Asa and I even had the wonderful privelage of meeting a family I've been wishing to meet for quite the while as well. The trip took us 17.5 hours, yeah, that was interesting with 5 people in a five passenger sudan vehicle....heh heh heh. Actually the way up was pretty good, and the later end of the way down was as well. Granted there were times I just wanted to drop off the family and go somewhere by myself, but thankfully those moments didn't last long at all.

So how am I now that I had a break and a family fix????? Back where I started before, and maybe even a step or two back. I didn't pray as much down there and I wish I really had. I also really missed the community we have here at home.

I went back to work yesterday and I must say that was the hardest day I can remember enduring there. It was going to be hard anyways due to the fact that I have been gone for two + weeks and its physical, so I was out of habit. Also it was a truck day and those days are extra physical and extra tiring, plus you are there longer, and the emotions all around are pretty tense and stressed.

Today is the day tthat I am to give up cigarettes for good. I'm not that much of a smoker, just 5-7 cigarettes a day, but it is time to kick it for good. So far God's been gracious at keeping my mind and body busy, and taking care of my cravings. Tons of praises up to Him.

I have goals now that I am back.

1. to do more with those in our community with also the friends I have made at work and see how it goes. Hopefully something regular will come out of it.

2.to clean up our house from the trip, and organize what we got and get rid of what we just don't use/need.

3. check out some summer camps/things to do with the kids before they go into public school.

My Mind is Broken

What is wrong with me?? (I'm saying this laughing at myself with my inner frustration)

I'm actually taking a break from attempting to get our things together for the trip to Indiana, but haven't accomplished really much at all. (sigh) granted we have time, but I am a procrastinater at heart and a mind-motivator....so my body says no, and my mind says go, go, go. One big arguement going on today with my body and mind, hee hee.

Okay back to the chaos of turning thinking into doing..... sounds like what we've been trying to do with our life with Christ.....hmmmmm.

Shhhhhh...their sleeping :)

Wow it is so quiet in here. I'm here awake while everyone is asleep and it is very peaceful. All I hear is everyone breathing.....I can't even describe how different this sound is compared to when I am normally awake. Not too sure what to do with my quiet morning...I normally am at work, or sleep until someone wakes me...but I must say this is NICE.

Peace be with you today.

Our Texan Anniversary Soon

It amazes me how much things change in a year....our texan year anniversary is Saturday. I can't believe it's been a year already. Let's see...what happened this year:

We moved down here very sudden after our visit here (which was initially planned for apartment hunting anyways, but illness in the fam changed things), cause this is where God wanted us.

We got involved with the community we came for and made some great friends that turned into family very quickly.

I finally got out of the house with a job and made friends on the outside of church and home.

Even though I was excited with working, my first job was mentally rough and I quit prayerfully, and found the job I have now where I'm making great friends.

Mikah gave his life to Christ....YEAH BUDDY!

We had a great Christmas with friends.

My prayer life has grown to a level I've never had before.

We finally feel like we are in a place God wants us.

All thanks and praise be to God for this wonderful year He has given us!

God's Peaceful Shower

Today was my last day at work for 2 1/2 weeks, and it was refreshing, even though most of management were stressed, because God answered a prayer about me being able to be around those moods without my own changing for the negative. Thanks God. I have troubles with not becoming negative and stressed around people in those same moods, and it lasts much longer than it really should.

Also, I have had some great conversations with some friends, and in those God has reassured me that I'm still on His path and not my own . Very good indeed. I get discouraged in my own thoughts and perceptions of how things should work out. wow is just a great word right now.

We leave Sunday morning to head tto Indiana......sweeeeeeeeeeeet! We were going to leave Saturday, but we had to make a change for good reasons.

today is a peaceful day.

you mean i have more struggles?

right now i am being very humbled with my emotions. i've been pretty exhausted today and didn't accomplish....well, anything. i was able to take a nap, but woke up into not so groovey situations and event hough those situations ended quickly, i haven't been able to let go of those emotions felt during. and because of this i put others back in their moods. so yeah you can say i feel pretty shittyabout that. why can't i let go of this????? why can't i just drop into God's lap, and leave it there. i've been praying about it and just can't seem to focus. i feel totally imcompetent right now and just want it all to stop somehow.

we run away from here in a week. i can't wait. i need this. i need to just be with my mom...just me and her. i need this refreshment.

a time to reflect

I've been doing a lot of reflecting lately. I think most of it is caused by my passion to just do something, but it is my time to wait and pray. While I do my wait I travel and examine how I even got here.


I can't even describe the mind-set I was in before I came to CHrist. There are no words for it. Yeah my family saw the change, but Scott truelly is the only one who acknowledges it truely and totally. He knew exactly how I was then. I get jaw dropped in awe over the transformation. It almost seems like it just happened. Instantly.

I guess I bring this up only to guide you towards the thought of transformation, whether you have been in Christ for your whole life or ten seconds....with Him there's always change needing to be made in you.

This next part is a question for those who desire a transformation, closeness and unity with Christ. I want you to stop right now for a moment and take time with Him. Ask Him what kind of change you can do for Him to become a better servant, a better friend, and better Christ-imitating-person.


Romans 6:23 (The Message)

23Work hard for sin your whole life and your pension is death. But God's gift is real life, eternal life, delivered by Jesus, our Master.

Peace and love be with you on your journeys.

A New Baby!!!!!!!

CONGRATS ANDY, BEA, AND ROBIN! WHAT A BEAUTIFUL ADDITION!

Emotional hurricane

Have you ever had one of those days where it seems like everything is crashing around you, and you feel the worst you have felt in a long time, so you can't really do anything about it anyways?? Yeah this is that kind of day. And as I look nothing is really crashing the the look of the house and the attitudes of everyone around me today.

On this very day I just want to scream, cry, and kick myself. I can't seem to get it together, my mind is racing every which way and I can barely speak correctly verbally because of all of the craziness inside me. I feel like running, not necessarily away, but by myself.

And in honesty I'm very ticked off at myself for allowing myself to hold onto these emotions, but it seems impossible to let them go with how things are around me.

God intervene, God take it away, God come in my center once again. God grant me patience, God grant love, God grant me clarity, God grant me faith.......thank you Jesus.



Okay I feel better already.

Seeking Jesus In My Struggle

Today I'm struggling with a lot of my human flaws.....my biggest in patience and loving my neighbor. I deal with a lot of different things at work. Most of the people I work with do a great variety of things I totally don't agree with anymore since I have come to Christ, but have took part in my past. Conversations are filled with things that are accepted by culture and not Christ. It's very hard not to speak my mind, but I feel God doesn't want me there to place conviction on people. Granted if asked I am to be honest about my feelings, but that hasn't been required too many times. Right now I am to pray and pray and pray, as well as to befriend anyone possible by just being myself with Christ at the center. Sometimes I just feel so lost at how just doing that is doing God's work, but when I pray about it, I realize that God works through that. I guess I also forget that God was working there anyways.

So where do I go and what do I do when I feel discouraged and stranded? Honestly first I stress, but in time God's voice is tugging at my heart saying to calm myself and to give my worries to Him and to trust Him in what He desires. To trust that even though what I may be doing seems so little, its big enough and important for God to want to guide it and be in it. All I have is this one body. A brain that is distracting, two hands that fumble, two legs and feet that trip, and a mouth that doesn't realize what comes out of it. It amazes me that God looks at me like a precious jewel that when He shines His awesome light, it prisms off to all around me. I feel rusty today though....

There's a person at work I can't stand to work with. Its so hard for me to see any good in this person, and believe me, I try. I'm so confused as to why God wants me to be in relationship with this person. And then I feel like even more crud....this is my "neighbor" . I almost feel like Jonah not wanting to go to Ninevah.

I'm reaching out to His mercy and compassion today. I'm reaching out and striving to learn it. Without this, I feel I will fail in something He needs me to do, but right now it seems as though acquiring it may be tough.

advocating inventor...hmmmmm

wow this test is good.....thanks cheryl.

Who's life am I living?

All honesty out...I get really selfish. Selfish with my time, my freedom, my money, and my relationships. Also when I get upset I tend to feel vengeful....not cool. I don't always love my neighbor and I don't always help the obvious, let alone the less obvious. I make up excuses and tend to really suck at being a friend, wife, mother, daughter, and sister. I can be greedy and very unnecessarily needy. Of course technically it's my life, so I can be however I want, right?


Yeah, right.....like God would ever allow me to be at peace in His love if I did. When I made the choice of accepting His love and His freedom, I accepted the fact that I needed to change and try to become the person He needs me to be. I can be all apathetic about the above issues, but you want to know what happened in the past when I did? I was angry, I was extremely depressed, I never felt close to God at all, and I felt very alone and dirty. Doesn't sound good, does it? No, I didn't think so either.

So how do you deal with these overly repeated problems? You confess them to God, and if you don't have the will power and control to put and end to it, ask faithfully for His help in it. Will you stumble.....possibly, but allow God to catch you before you fall back into that pit. Keep looking towards Him. Wake up and make that choice to become a better servant to Him. When I was lifted to Christ, I had to leave my dead behind....a huge part of that was myself and my life style. I GAVE my life to Christ willingly, and everyday I need to make that choice to accept that. Yes, I'm human and and I make sucky decisions and get lazy, I'm not Christ. I can't be perfect, but I can try my all in making the wrong right by giving it to God, by trusting His guidance and His promises. The one way I get out of my messy moods and habits is I pray my guts out. I pray and pray and pray. Eventually I am refreshed in Him and then if I need to forgive or ask for forgiveness from someone, then I do it and make ammends, then move forward.

Also rely on your church, the people you are close to. I always make a point to discuss my struggles with someone and pray about it with someone. If you don't have this.....please feel free to confide in me. I know that some places aren't easy to find these kind of relationships unfortunately. I have made another blog just for prayer requests. I would love to pray for you. You can post secretly or openly, your decision. You can post those in the comments here. This is where we all can just pray for each other. I will place mine in the posts. Either way here I am praying for you anyways.

My recent posts aren't by my leading. I actually try to blog about other things, but I guess those things aren't what needs to be said. Here's to Lent and no more arguing with God....cheers!

A message

A messege I have to send in this space is Come together in Christ. Love each other....bend over every way for each other....pray honestly and whole heartedly, even when you don't feel like it, pray as if you were bowing before Him, because you are in His presence. Also, Lay your burdens down on Him, just let them go. This is why Christ died! Let's not ignore this grand and beautiful sacrifice but not trusting His ability to take it! Yes, our pasts SUCK! Yes we are full of actions and feeling that aren't Godly, but you know what....if we give it to Him and trust that it's done...gone....forgiven, then that's where we start to get closer to Him and where He needs us. That's when the REAL deal starts to happen. And that my friends are just going to be beautiful and awesome!

Be free and feel loved my friends.

Something to Meditate on

2 Cor 1:3-7

3Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. 5For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. 6If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. 7And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.

what is it that you hold onto? (revised)

I felt the need all of a sudden to bring this subject about. We have come a long way this year, and keep going further no matter how cruddy it gets. But here's the question I strive for you to answer:

What is church to you? Is it something you do? Is it a place you go? Is it you?

I read this today from Church Marketing Sucks:

If the electricity went out, and your walls fell down, and your biggest givers died, what would you have left? Would you have a community of people still seeking after the heart of God? Would you still worship even without a band? Would you still be able to learn about God even though you can't show a video or a PowerPoint slide? In other words, what you have when everything else goes away is what your church is really all about.

It really opens my eyes to the change we have made, and also helps me realize that without a lot of those things up there a lot of people could easily distant themselves from what's really important and the whole point of it all. God...Jesus....The Holy Spirit....

How did they do this before electricity was even invented? Was God okay with how they did things then?I guess that's not what you need to be looking at either...just questions to think about.

A lot of it is tradition, habit, and influence. These tends to lead people away from what it is God really needs and wants from them. Can you grow towards in God with it...yes, but it can really easily become a barrier if you have to do without certain traditions and technologies all of a sudden. Its the change factor. A lot of people don't like change when it comes to faith and the way they serve....actually a lot of people don't like change in their daily lives, believers or not.

The last thing I feel I need to say is BE the church. Be a listener, and cryer, a shoulder, a dishwasher, a babysitter, a prayer.....just be it whatever situation comes about to support the people around you...believers or not. And do it for God...with Him in the center of all that you do, in the center of every relationship.

rested but tired...tired, but productive

wow.....scott let me nap for over 2 hours today (i was pretty much uselss anyways) and man tonight i have done more than i have in a long time after working. i cooked, did 4 loads of laundry...put them away even, did dishes and vaccumed the living room. on top of that i got to be a listener to a great friend going through a hard time. i normally can't do much...my body just gets so worn and burnt out, its normally a good night if i fix a good meal. sucks to say that but its true.

so i'm going to start doing prayer walks.....not sure where other than work yet, but that's a great start.its been hard with relationships there, and a bit discouraging. but god has a plan and i'm thrilled about him doing his awesome work around me. plus i know if i tried to step in his way i just fumble it and makes things go longer than necessary.

so while i was doing laundry a red velvet dress of kiwi's was in there without me realizing, and now i have pink socks and underwear.....got to get the tie-dye kit out for a fix-y-do. not a fan of pink, but i must say one of kiwi's white dresses came out looking prettier than before! whoops!

just breathing reality

I've been having a hard ime trying to blog lately. I've tried to put my thoughts out, but haven't brought myself totally comfortable with it....or at least what I tried to say.

Today I've found myself extremely selfish and even over reacting in my troubles. God has defintely opened my eyes and heart in prayer group tonight. I'm not saying my problems aren't in need of prayer or aren't anything to be concerned with, but tonight I prayed for a little boy Asa's age that is extremely ill. It broke my heart. It feels....heck I don't even know how to describe how this feels. I came into prayer tonight only troubled with my own problems, but after praying for the others, I realized my own aren't as big as they seem.

Here recently, while praying, God has granted me visions that seem so real. And after doing so I feel led to share with those involved. Sometimes they are very encouraging and filled with hope and joy, sometimes it sends out a message of warning..or shall I say awareness. I'm very thankful for this, but at the same time it seems so surreal to me. Its so new and so awesome, as well as visual. I guess my fear of them are that I might interpret them wrong or give a misleading message or something. I've prayed against this.

So tonight I have another one...it's more of a realization of our connection with people. I've felt as if our relationships through the internet-only are like a flower on a vine. God is the root and we are the center of the flower...where the pollen is. The pollen flows with the wind landing wherever it is meant to go. Where it lands the relationship is formed. Eventually new plants will form and the vine we are on grows into the others, but this vine is so strong it would take a lot of neglect for it to splinter off. Even with a splinter though, there is a connection. God isn't only the root though....He is everything that feeds us and wraps us together in nourishment. Then I get a view from afar, and there's an enormous field of flowers vining together. Takes my breath away.

I just want to tell all of you how much I appreciate you, I am hopeful for those we haven't met, that it will happen...and those we have, we'll meet again soon. Flow with the wind of God my friends. Peace be with you on your journeys.

Back

Since going to Indiana and back, I haven't been able to find much to blog about. A lot of things feel different, even though much hasn't changed since I've been back. I tell you one thing, it was hard going back to work after ten days off. In April, when we all go to Indiana, hopefully it'll be warmer. I ran into an ice storm on the way down. Luckily. I found a hotel before the rain even started, but man it took me at least an hour an a half getting the ice off, on top of that it was only like 1 degree outside not including the wind chill. The warmth of Texas was a great welcome home for me.

So I cut my hair, and Kiara asked us to cut hers the other day as short as mine. Wow, this is a big change just because she had super long hair. But she looks beautiful and like my little pixie princess. Asa's hair is gone as well..not so shabby and curly anymore. He look so boyish now, not like he didn't before, but this is more boy than before. It's cute. I promise I will have pictures soon, today or tomorrow. I suck at that because it always takes more time than I have to do it, and normally if I find time to get them on the computer, one of the kidlins freak out....that's life. Well, best get off for now...still jumbling on what to say.

Happy Birthday Scotty!

Wow this dude is getting OLD!!!!!!!!! Hee hee hee! Happy Birthday baby!

Happy Valentine's day!

Yes, indeed.....I would like to rename this day...."do what Jesus told you to do day" . But then the stores all around would crash and profits will plummit, and the greediness everyday of the consumer driven lives out there would get confused and ralley against me.....sorry...it just felt good to get it out and joke about it. (picture me laughing...thanks)

No, let's turn it around. I want to teach Mikah that today is the day when we are especially reminded that family & friends are easier to love than your enemies (unless of coarse you have enemies within your family...then it can get complicated). And this is a day where we can be reminded to try and reach out with compassion...even just in prayer if that's all you can swallow with your enemy.

Here's the passage for him today. It can be for you too.

If I were to make a request right now, I would say today, be thankful for your loved ones and let them know how you feel. Also I would say to try to name who has wronged you that you can't seem to forgive...that you can't let that grudge go for.... and pray your guts out until God has softened your heart enough to forgive that person, then try next to love that person. That's one tough nugget, huh? I know...I've been there.....and this enemy WAS family, but God doesn't want our hearts spoiled by all of this hate that the "Below The Pooh" satan throroughly enjoys for us to grip. He wants us to just jump backwards with closed eyes and open hearts into His love...where then we can truely learn to live. And THAT my friends just simply rocks!

A butt load of patience required!

And if you don't have it, just ask! Yeah, I haven't been very patient lately. My moods have been swinging the bat at at everyone in this house unfortunately. See, I'm the type of person that when I get in a cruddy mood, the very best thing is to just let me be and steer clear. I hate being this way, but if you approach me during this cruddy mood, I'll snap at you like a rabid beast. But when I'm left alone, this gives me time to see myself truely, and then ask God for the patience and the automatic mood stomper, and I will be better. But I can't unfortunately do this properly all of the time when I have three kids and a husband who loves me. I wish I was programmed with a ton of patience, so my moods won't shift as crazily as they do.

What is Successful to you?

One of the things Scott and I struggle with is the term "successful" . We are often confronted with the idea if we made more money or had a degree in something or owned a home, then we would be considered successful. Of course there are many other distractions that come into play, but I chose to name the biggens.

One of the things Scott and I are needing to remind ourselves is that we choose NOT to be successful in those terms right now. At this season of our lives we Choose not to go to school, or take up management jobs....and that's okay to us. I'm not saying it doesn't get hard every now and then, but we are always making it.

Now one thing I didn't mention back there and I should have....what makes you successful in the Kingdom? Now a lot of people may argue this, but this isn't a measurement to be seen by anyone but God above. This is all in the heart...your intentions, if you will. Yeah you may have led a million people to salvation and discipleship.....but it only matters of who you are doing it for. Are your good intentions to serve God, or to help you feel better about helping someone? Wow, did I really just say that??? Yes, I did. One awesome thing about serving God, is that feeling good about yourself does tend to follow. Unfortunately I have been caught in this turbelance/crash mode where my deeds were good, but my heart wasn't. Its not like we're trying to earn brownie points. What we say we wish to do is to serve God fully, but of course we are human and our mind tends to get in the way.

I'm not sure if this is a vent, rant, or getting on my soap box, but it needed to be said. I'm getting bored with the idea of success, and honestly I hope I am not alone.

Why not a management job?????? Because being a manager means you are living your life for work..been there done that.

Why no college now??? Because our kids came first and we don't feel the need to take our time away from them for a piece of paper, or more paper if you will (money) . This is our choice for this season for our family. Every family is different in their ways, and that's okay.

Thanks for listening.

Yeah, most of its gone

I cut my hair off....not my dreads out though. I decided a while ago that it was messing them up bad not being able to work with them, they were split in different directions and lose hairs were combining into others....anyways it was and still is a mess. I'm hoping to be able to maintain this mess, and turn it into something nice and tight.

Some people don't understand why I do this kind of thing..."just chop it all off, it'll grow back better" , moods. It sounds ridiculous, but its very sound to my mind. Its a big change, one that I can handle. I get sucked into little depressions, and stuff like this just helps. Can't explain it more than that. I will put up pictures soon.

yup.......

yeah, i think i know a couple of people who would LOVE this.

What's up God?

It's days like these when I find myself excited about not totally knowing what's going to happen....it's very rare too. I've been in some really great and fast building relationships with some ladies at work. It happened very sudden and very naturally which is awesome. They come to me in conversation and express their needs and talk out their troubles. We hang out when we can and just enjoy each other while at work and sometimes out of work.

Well, a couple of them have come to me about doing some kind of Bible study/reading/prayer time with them, and its about to start very soon. Some are believers, some are just curious. I have no idea what God has in store, but its going to be awesome and big. These girl come from very rough and unreal backgrounds, and it amazes me how well they function today with all they have been through and are going through.

What gets me is that I don't look at myself as a leader...not at all, but right now I'm put in this position, and it feels different. I feel totally unworthy to serve God, but I plan to give all I have. I just pray I can get my whole family involved in where ever He needs me. I'm really excited about this, but scared I'll screw it up. Your prayers are appreciated.

A New Day Hearing God's whisper over my loud mouth

So here lately I've been witholding a lot of anger and aggravation. In turn I've felt confused as to how to be a parent to Mikah, as well as a number of other things. So today, in the bath, soaking away the frustration of not being able to hear....I finally felt the need to just stop and breath....calm down and search, trust that God is there, holding me...even if I don't feel His presence...KNOW He's there. So I did. And I'm very glad I did. I let go of the anger and gave my confusion to God to handle. He gave me some clarity, and slowed my thinking. I'm glad too, because I almost made some hectic decisions that wouldn't have went the way I'd hope for them to.

So today is a new day and tomorrow will start afresh as well. For this I am thankful.