Before I left for Monticello, I was very close to having a nervous breakdown.....and unfortunately this is not an exaggeration. A gazillion tears have been spent, and four and a half days gone and I think I've regained some of my sanity. Still depressed though, and what sucks is that as I wrote that I'm depressed I felt so selfish about it all. On top of that I'm so angry with myself for allowing it to happen. But in this battle, at times, I just want to give in. Throw in the towel. My kids are awesome,drive me crazy every now and then, but still phenominally awesome. But that's all I feel I have right now. I want to be so mad and angry with God.....it feels like He's started this mess. But I know this isn't true. That's not the God I believe in. Anymore it just gets so damn hard to breathe. I've held too much in for too long, and I feel as if I'm past full. I want to sleep all of the time. My body is fighting me to recover from the surgery. You can't necessarily take it easy with three kids.
Sorry this post is nothing but complaining, but I have nothing else to write about right now.
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